I went on a spiritual retreat seeking wisdom, knowledge and understanding of God. I was so confused about the teachings of the Bible, and why so many different types of churches came about from reading the same Bible and the teachings of Jesus. Why was the “my way is the only and right way to the kingdom of God.” perspective so prevalent?  My father, I was told, is Catholic and my mother, Protestant. I went to catholic school and churches. I was exposed to different faiths growing up; Seven Days Adventist, Jehovah’s Witness, Baptist, and even Hinduism because of a neighbour who, when they had a celebrations, would invite us over for food and to play with other children. When I was living on my own, a few other faiths came to witness at my door; one was a Mormon and others were mostly Pentecostal.  I would always let them in, in accordance to the Bible which says, ”Be not forgetful to entertain strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.” Hebrews 13:2. Once anyone would say anything about God, I wanted to know what they’d knew,  for I was seeking and wanting to understand more. I took the free bible from the Mormon and listened to what they had to say, but the Pentecostals captured my attention because of a friend who convinced me to go to church with her. I really liked the music and the fact that everyone was excited and filled with a zeal for God. The people would just dance around clapping and singing and I thought to myself, ” this is not boring it’s fun.” They were so friendly and welcoming. I was hooked until the confusion regarding the preaching set in. Here I am, a Catholic and Protestant by birth, being taught that we must only worship Jesus and that Catholicism and the worshipping of statues and saints was idol worship and that we were going to hell. For the first time in my life with no adult supervision I had chosen a faith of my own to belong to. I was dumbfounded because I never really saw myself as Catholic nor Protestant.  I just wanted to be a child of God. I was told that I was christened Protestant because I was born into sin given that my parents weren’t married but because back in those days whatever the man of the house was, so were his children, I went to Catholic school and was seen as a Catholic because that’s what my father was. I was never confirmed and I never took first communion, but my brothers did. I believe it was God way of telling me that I would some day make my own choice of  what faith I would belong to or that it didn’t matter.

I was never a true member of any churches. I’ve just been seeking a suitable church for me and I never felt like I belong. I was not brought up in the traditional Catholic way; I didn’t even know what a rosary was other than for protection and saints were just names given to churches. Somehow even going to Catholic school and taking religion courses, I’ve missed out a lot of important facts about the faith. I don’t blame my teachers, I just don’t remember. Same for being a faithful Pentecostal; I don’t remember ever being told that Pentecost came forty days after Jesus’ death and I was in the church faithfully for years. I’ve been through every religion you can think about and was even baptised into some of them as well. I was seeking God and His truth.  What I did find, a commonality among faiths, is that they all  believe that their way is the only right way of passage to God. They made me feel like they had a one way line connection to God that nobody else can access but themselves. But there was always something in my spirit that would not allow me stay. It would be just a matter of time that the teachings would push me out the door. I felt like Jesus when He said, ” Foxes have holes and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lie down and rest”. I use this analogy simply to state as Jesus that, not one place can hold me, all territories is mine. Don’t get me wrong, I am only mentioning this one Pentecostal church I’ve been to, because it was the only place in my life I’d spent the longest amount of time, and I must say it taught me a lot, I’d even got the Holy ghost and spoke in tongues; ironic the catholic thinks that strange tongues means demonic possession, lol.

When I started to disagree with some of the main teachings that were being ministered at the Pentecostal church, I started looking elsewhere. Although their teachings were pushing me out the door, I didn’t want to go. How could something start out so good and have to end bad? It was then that I came across a spiritual retreat that I went on which was not affiliated with their church. This retreat really changed my life and caused me to find a real closeness with God. After going to the retreat, I came back with much knowledge, wisdom, and understanding that I wanted to share. To make a long story short, my presence in the Pentecostal church was not the same and I could feel it; not so much from the congregation, but from the Pastor. For when I brought back a message for him, his words to me, were ”I don’t take messages from man.” That Sunday night, much to my surprise the assistant pastor got a message from God for the church, and the Senior pastor that doesn’t take messages from man was jumping in the Holy ghost over the message. It was same message I brought to the Senior Pastor.  I hadn’t wanted to go back to church because I felt so embarrassed after speaking to the Pastor but faith would have it that I would be moved to attend night service just me alone without my family, for the first time, to witness this. I still would not leave my beautiful and wonderful church; all our friends were there, some we even considered family. But shortly after, I was rebuked out of the my church in the name of the Lord Jesus. One Sunday, the Senior Pastor stood up as I was walking in toward my seat and said, ”you must not believe everything you read in the Bible some of the things written in the Bible were letters and doesn’t pertain to us,” and he was mentioning something about the letter to the Roman Christians Paul wrote and my spirit lifted me to my feet my hand stretched out as a student to a teacher asking a question, all I could recall hearing is “I rebuke you in the name of Jesus” and everyone clapping. I don’t even think half of them knew what they were clapping and standing for, but his and my eyes met together as the tears rolled down my face. After that service, I knew it would be my last. I felt my body spinning as I went through the door and I tried to keep my composure so that no one would see what was happening to me, but something pulled me out through those door. You knew it was really bad when my two year old would say good morning to a grown adult member of the church, whom he would see everyday, but after I left, she passed him, a baby!, with her head high like she never saw him. My God my heart was so broken. I wanted to hurt her so bad. it is one thing to hate on me an adult but an innocent child too? You have to draw the line especially to call yourself a worshipper of God. And to this day I don’t even know what it is that I did that was so wrong. I wrote a letter to the Senior Pastor of the church about their behavior and what the Bible says about it, quote for quote. From that day, I had promised to never ever be a member of any church even again. I was then told that many members of the church saw what the Pastor had done to me and had left the church as a result and that it was going through hard times after the incident of rebuking me. Former members, even to the ones who were hating on me, became my friend again. I poured out my heart and soul in that letter even unto God for those people I had came to love and trust.

I guess I was completely unaware of my transformation after the retreat. All I could think about is the part in the movie the Ten commandment when Moses came down from the mountain after talking with God, and his hair and looks changed. Maybe my ex-pastor saw what others couldn’t have seen a light that was shining a little too bright. One day before all of the rebuke and hating took place, the mother of a member said to my step mother, ”is this your daughter? You better be careful for her, the Pastor doesn’t like her.” I thought to myself what a strange thing for a stranger to say about my Pastor. Oddly enough, there was another time that I was walking into church when a group of women stopped me and asked, ”what church do you really belong to because we would like to attend?” Trying hard not to be disrespectful I asked, ” what door did you see me enter into? why would you think I belonged somewhere else?” One of the women said, “you don’t look like you belong here.” I could only conclude that it may have been the way I was dressed that made them come to that conclusions. When I came back from my retreat I did dress differently to the way I used to. Many years after my retreat I still never wore pants or shorts. From always being a sexy dresser, I began to dress very conservatively. It was hard for me after years to wear clothes that exposed even just my knees; even now that I am back to dressing a little sexy I always that I am showing a little too much in certain outfits. When I say I was a sexy dresser, Singer Cher and Madonna had nothing on me beside being famous; my brothers were my bodyguard when I’d go clubbing lol.

This retreat has not only cost me my church family, but my blood family. Even when I was in the club scene with friends and family, I didn’t feel as much hate and resentment as I did for my closer walk with God. And the thing about it is, like when I  approached the Senior Pastor, everything that I learned I shared it with my family. I thought it would be something that would make them happy for me, instead I became Joseph and they became the brothers. Joseph brothers hated him because his father Jacob liked him very much and favored him by making him a beautiful coat of many colors, and if that wasn’t bad enough for them to hate him, Joseph told his brothers about two dreams he had of them bowing down to him. They had plot to kill him but instead sold him, and took his beautiful coat and dipped it into goats blood and told their father Jacob that he was killed by a wild animal and his father was devastated (Genesis 37). I’ve always believed that one aspect of this story of Joseph and his brothers was sibling rivalry taken to the extreme.

I know that it comes across as though I believe everyone is either jealous or envious of me, but that is what I went through with my blood family siblings growing up. I was considered the good child because I listened, never gave trouble and I respected and care about everyone. I wasn’t doing it because I wanted to show up my siblings by being better then them, there was no reward for being just me. If I did something wrong to disappoint my dad, it made my siblings happy. My father was the one to blame for this he’d always mention to my siblings why can’t they be more like me, and I hated it. I was never a fighter, I was always lover. Being overly sensitive to what people feel or think of me, turned me into a people pleaser and my family knows just how to get at me. One of my eldest sisters who was going through serious depression with two child got herself into trouble with drugs which, later on, took her life. Not one of them went to her aid or to see how the children were doing before she died. But when I came back from my retreat would you believe that they held a séance trying to rid me of the evil things the bishop supposedly had done to me? The only thing that I could see change about me was the way people I loved treated me. My sister who was sick was upset when I told her what they did to me. All she said is ”who are they to judge?” She would have told them to shove it. And that is saying it nicely for I cannot use the words she actually used. She was one of my biggest sibling rivalries; she love-hated me and somehow we both knew it. It got so bad that one day we even fought physically. I had, had enough of her degrading me and saying bad things about me to the point that strangers would say, ”that’s your sister, but if I was you I would have nothing to do with her, she hates you.” Even after our physical altercation, I didn’t care, I still loved her. I never wanted to fight the ones I love, not with the tears running from my eyes and my soul bleeding in side. This happened over twenty seven years ago and it still hurts real bad and it is only been nineteen years since she died. I know my sister died with all respect for me. We never ever had another confrontation again after our fight. She’d always looked after me her little sister and believe she could do and say whatever she wants about me, but I dare the person that would say and do anything to me without her making war over me. That’s just how she was; do as I say not as I do. I was the one who took in her children when no one else wanted to. What my siblings don’t  know about me is how much I’d wish I could have been strong like them. I suffered with a lot of fears and my kindness was not my weakness, it was my strength. I tried to not be myself and it didn’t work because I have a conscious and it wouldn’t let me be no other but me; God is my conscious. He pushed me to who I am called to be not what man wants of me. I had a step sister, that to me was my little sister. No one would have ever known that the blood inside of me wasn’t inside of her. And I loved her dearly, God knows, I would have done anything for her; I would have even given my soul. She was one of the people that held the séance for me with two other family members. I knew since I came back from the retreat that our relationship was different. I would be told things like, your sister seems to have a problem with you, be careful. I refused to believe it, no not my baby sister come on, not her too. She looked me in the eyes one day and told me not to call her mother my mom call her by her name and our relationship was done after we physically got into a fight; story of my life. I’ve tried to put it behind me and move o;, I’ve even try reaching out to her, but no response. It’s been almost fourteen years since I’ve seen or spoken to her or my step mother.

One night while on the retreat, I had a dream that I was crying for my family, ”Oh my Lord my family.” Someone lifted up my head and showed me all of these people I’ve never seen in my life and said, ”this is your family.” With tears running down my face and falling into his hands as he held my chin in his palm, he said, ”look”. It was people of all races, it looked like millions of them coming up to the mountain on which I knelt crying. I went on a retreat that shook the very foundation of the meaning of the word retreat. I say this because, it changed me and everybody around me. I remember calling the Bishop crying, ” what did you do to me,why does everyone hate me, what happened to me, how have I changed?” He said nothing and just sat in silence as I am bawling my head off, then he said, ” a prophet is not without honour, but in his own country, and among his own kin, and in his own house, so stop the crying.” And that was it. Then someone said to me, ”must Christ bare the cross alone and the whole world go free, if you’re in Christ Jesus pick up your cross and go with it.” Everything that I wanted to understand about humanity was happening all around me. Starting with the ones I loved, it was very painful. It was because of going to the retreat that I was able to find my sister and the children. You see, just like Joseph, I had a dream and I saw where and how to find them in that dream. Before she died I took her to see all my other sibling except one, she was at work that day, and a year after, she died. So who do you say I am?

I never thought that following God, or even been called can take such a toll in your life. Losing of family and friends over faith is so bad when believing in God should bring out the best in people and bring people together. I believe God had a purpose in all that He’s done in my life, and I have a very hard time with letting go especially of the things I care for and love. I have come to understand that these things became weaknesses for the devil to use against me so God had them let go of me. And for God’s purpose, sometimes certain connections have to be broken for protection, and God just wants our undivided attention. This understanding I’ve only acquired now, thanks to the to the ministering of Td Jakes at the Potter’s House.

I was ridicule, cursed, put down, asked “who do I think I am?” made fun of, called names, disrespected, laughed at, and disowned. I fell into great depression. I felt like I didn’t belong in this earth. I wanted to go home to my heavenly father where I’ve always felt safe and loved. I cried out to Him to just take me away for the weight was too much for me to bear. When I was overwhelmed with the rejection and pain my family and friends caused me, as though it wasn’t enough, even strangers and acquaintances who didn’t even know me personally joined in on the persecution of me for no apparent reason. I was in hell, the only way I could describe it, because I felt that the devil was on my heel. For this reason, I heard a whisper in my ears to write the Redemption prayer in which I ”pray for all my enemies, friends and families, even to my acquaintance and all those who wrongfully accuses me.” Psalms 56 was my prayer of strength through it all especially verses 8-9′ ”put thou my tears into thy bottle, are they not in thy book? when I cry unto thee, then shall mine enemies turn back.” I’ve spend days and nights in tears asking God, ”why me?” I was even accused of doing witchcraft, voodoo, all manner of evil to people. One day, I was so broken and as I cried I asked God if I was evil and just can’t see it, and in my defence I heard the voice of God saying to me , ”don’t let them get to you, because they, themselves tried to hurt and stop you from doing my will with their evil intent.” Scriptures declares in 1 Chonicle 16:22 ”Touch not mine anointed and do my prophets no harm.” King David had even said the same thing about Saul to Abishai when he had the chance to kill Saul. David said to Abishai, ”for who can stretch forth his hand against the Lord’s anointed, and be guiltless?”

One thing that I’ve learned from this is that God doesn’t give us favor to be proud and boastful over others. He give us favor so that our love, compassion, mercy and humility through Him can shine forth to others, that they may believe in Him, through us and our works. It is and will always be God’s will not ours. So it says in Luke 22:42 ”Not my will , but your will be done,” The Lord’s prayer, ”thy kingdom come , thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.” Deuteronomy 8:18 ”But thou shalt remember the Lord thy God, for it is He that give thee wealth.” Jeremiah 9:23-24 ”Thus says the Lord, ”Let not the wise man glory in his wisdom, neither let the mighty man glory in his riches. But let him that glory, glory in this, that he understand and know me, that I am the Lord which exercise loving kindness, judgement and righteousness, in the earth, for in these things I delight, says the Lord.”

I’ve spend my whole life wanting very much to be like Jesus, as I was taught in Sunday school, if I wanted to go to heaven. Boy did I ever want to go to heaven. I tried to follow the Ten commandments, read my Bible and pray every day. What I didn’t understand and was never taught is that following Jesus wasn’t going to be easy. I wanted to love, care and heal people like Jesus did. I didn’t think I would have also been crucified, metaphorically speaking, like He was. I believed that I was invincible to any evil attacks because of my faith; the blood, the crucifixion and the resurrection of Jesus. I was so misguide and confused about faith and people of faith and their teachings, that it was so important for me to go into deep spirituality, and oneness with God, not man and his interpretation of God, but the call to the Holy ghost to educate me. Because of all this hating and jealousy, a deep rooted fear has arose in me. I’ve stated one day to a man of God who’d asked me, ” whom do I fear, God or man?” With bold assurance I said,” man” God fist or weapons I can’t see, but man’s, they put the fear in me. Psalms 56:4 ”In God I will praise his word, in God I have put my trust, I will not fear what flesh can do unto me,” was the verse he gave me. From then on I’d found courage in always remembering what he’d told me and I had began my work. Many would gather and listen to all that I had to say about God and the visions I had been blessed with. I was able to preach and prophesize for quite some time but then, I walked away from my calling and have been suffering over it ever since; suffering more so than when I had been doing God’s bidding. When I say suffering, words cannot describe what I’ve been through and for many years and it has only been now I am finally coming out of the depths. I believe I suffered because of disobedience and allowing my greatest fears to prevent me from what God had called me to do.

Luke 13:12 Jesus was teaching in one of the synagogues on the Sabbath and behold there was a woman which had a spirit of infirmity eighteen years, and was bowed together, and could in no wise lift up herself. And when Jesus saw her, He called her to Him and said,”woman thou art loosed from your infirmity.” And He laid his hand on her and immediately she was made straight, and glorified God.

What moved within my spirit about this story was the fact that this woman never asked out loud or even approached Jesus for healing. It seemed like she was simply going about her business, even accepting her infirmity; not making it a problem which controlled her life or an excuse for not living her life abundantly. Only God knew what was in her heart and mind; after all ,she was in the synagogue potentially even praying about getting healed. But Jesus saw her and called her to Him. I thought to myself, ”did she even know who Jesus was?” Everyone else in the Bible who know who Jesus was all went seeking Him for help or healing of some sort. For example, the woman with the issue of blood, Matthew 9:20, She said within herself,”if I may but touch the his garment I shall be made whole.” The woman in John 8:3-7 that they brought for Jesus’s opinion to stone her or not for committing adultery, and Jesus said,”He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.”

There is also another story similar to this one. John 5:5-6 A certain man was there who had an infirmity thirty and eight years. When Jesus saw him lie[crippled] and knew that he had been now a long time in that state, He said unto him,”wilt thou be made whole?” The difference between these two stories is the John5:14 Jesus finds him in the temple and says unto him, ”Behold thou art made whole, sin no more, lest a worse thing come unto thee. Jesus asked the man if he wanted to be heal, as if some how the man had control over his infirmity, it was his choice and Jesus didn’t lay his hand on him, He just told him, ”Rise take up thy bed, and walk.” But Jesus called the woman to him, told her she was heal, and laid His hand on her.

I believe that there are some infirmities that we enable, through choices like the man, John5:7 The man’s answer to Jesus when He’d ask him if he wanted to get well, is he had no one to help him and everyone was always getting in his way, which to me was an excuse. We all have the inner ability when very desperate, to make change through faith, so our circumstances would not hold us back. The woman, to me, showed that ability. And she was not responsible for her infirmity, scripture declared she had a spirit of infirmity Luke13:11. But she didn’t allow it to affect her life, she kept on doing what she had to do. It didn’t become her blockage, it became her courage.  We can only speculate about each of their circumstances and what brought someone into the position they were in when Jesus noticed their condition to heal them. Because the scripture doesn’t tell us whether both were born in their condition or an accident may have caused it, all we know is how many years they were in their condition.

No matter what our infirmities, how long we’ve been suffering through it, or what the cause of it was, once Jesus sees it, He is going to heal it.” How does Jesus see it today for us?” It is through the report of the angels and the comforter[Holy ghost].  For certain situations, Jesus himself shows up in certain places for specific people. For example, like the woman at the well, John4:7-29, The Samaria woman of whom He’d asked for water and told her that He would give her water that she’ll never thirst again and told her things of her personal life that no one knew. What is even more profound is Jesus confess to being the Messiah to Mary and her sister Martha for the death of their brother Lazarus in John 11:4; Lazarus was sick and his sisters sent word to Jesus to come, and by the time Jesus got there Lazarus was dead and He brought him back to life. Luke 8:26-33 The man that had the legions of devils inside him that Jesus cast out into pigs and they drowned in a lake. And there were many other specific persons Jesus had also show up for in the Bible.

Jesus intention has and will always be to heal the world; our mind ,body and spirit.

Lord be thou in my heart where your love, humility, compassion and mercy can abide.

Lord be thou in my mind where no negative forces can abound.

Lord be thou in my spirit where all your anointing and your glory can flow.

Lord, I am your vessel; fill me up, use me Lord for your purpose.

Lord be thou my compass for the path I am to go. Lead me, guide me, shield me for the journey ahead.

For I am a pilgrim in this land, seeking your wisdom, knowledge and understanding.

I can’t do anything without you Lord; not rising up in the morning or laying down at night.

Many Christians have different interpretations of the piercing of the side of Jesus. John 19:34 But one of the soldiers with a spear pierced his side, and immediately there came out water and blood. My understanding is the body=flesh, blood=sacrifice; the flowing power of life’s energy in the flesh, and water=element that brings forth life, spirit in manifestation form.

I understand that the people were preparing for the Sabbath, and they didn’t want the crucified to be on the cross on the holy day. To speed up the death of the crucified they would break their legs, but when it came to breaking Jesus’s leg, instead the soldier pierced his side, because he saw that Jesus was already dead.

To me, everything about Jesus death can be described as a spiritual interpretation that I have come to understand. Jesus, on the way to the cross, was already traveling between dimensions; Heaven and Earth, communicating with God the Father as the Angels propped Him on every side, to make it to the cross to fulfill the scriptures, that he will die on the cross and rise again in three days. For example, Jesus said, ”I thirst.” and they give him vinegar to drink John19:29. The meaning of vinegar symbolizes the water that would make us thirst again. In the story of the Samaria woman in John 4:7, Jesus asked her for water to drink at the well. In understanding the story of the Samaria woman and Jesus, it is impossible to visualize, Jesus of all people asking for water at His crucifixion. It depicted his humanity [flesh] crying out, because remember Jesus said,”whosoever drink of the well of Jacob shall thirst again,” John4:13. But in John 4:14 Jesus added,” whosoever drink of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst.” Jesus wasn’t thirsty for water as we know it. He was thirsty for the well of water springing up into everlasting life, as His spirit was slowly slipping away from His flesh.

The water and the blood is very significant to the flesh [body]. The blood and the water was the power and the victory over the flesh, that once it was poured out of Jesus, it was the key to unlocking the gates of hell that bind us to sin and set us sinners captive-free. The water and the blood had to be poured out for us and on us. Glory be to God for His mercy endure forever. The blood and the water was the beginning of unity between humanity and spirituality within.

Matthew 27:50-53 Jesus, when he had cried with a loud voice, yielded up the ghost. And behold, the veil of the temple was rent in twain from the top to the bottom, and the earth did quake, the rocks rent; the graves were opened and many bodies of the saints which slept arose, and came out of the graves after Jesus resurrection, and went into the holy city and appeared unto many. Let’s not forget in Matthew 27:45 From the sixth hour there was darkness over all the land until the ninth hour. All that happened at the point and time of the crucifying of Jesus from the darkness, veil, earthquake, rocks and the grave was Jesus’s spirit had leached on or dispersed into the world with such great force of power that there was nothing left untouched by it. The darkness had to come so He could take it all away.

What is really important to our salvation was the death and the resurrection of our Lord and saviour Jesus. Romans 6:23 The wages of sin is death. Jesus was born without sin that’s why death could not hold him down. His spirit had been received into the Father’s hand once he had given up the ghost. Luke 23:46 Jesus after being placed into the Sepulchre[tomb] was once again being ministered unto by the angels and communicating with His father waited for His body[flesh] to reconnect with Jesus the spirit being without having to be born of a woman again. John 20:17 Jesus said, ”Touch me not, for I am not yet ascended to my Father, but go to my brethren and say unto them, I ascend unto my Father, and your Father, and to my God, and your God.”

The piercing of Jesus side also showed us that it was not by man hands that He’d perished, He was already dead. John 19:33. Jesus chose to give up the ghost [die]. Jesus’ death and resurrection is not the same as Lazarus John 11:4 Lazarus sickness was not unto death, but for the glory of God, that the son of God might be glorified. John 11:25,26. Lazarus was never meant to die. He was meant to be a martyr to represent the ability to overcome sickness and rise up from the dead through Jesus Christ our saviour. Jesus said, I am the resurrection, and the life, he that believe in me though he were dead yet shall he live. And whosoever live and believe in me shall never die.”

I’ve often wondered what happens to the innocent when they are killed accidently or deliberately, like for example the people at the Charleston shooting. The images that pops into mind is horrific. But this passage in the Bible about the stoning of Stephen gives me a much consolation of what each and everyone of us as Christians shouldn’t be afraid of when dying, especially if we are on a pilgrim journey for God like the old timers used to say, ”Heaven is your home.”

Acts 7:55,56,59 and 60. But he [Stephen] being full of the Holy Ghost, looked up stedfastly into heaven, and saw the glory of God, and Jesus standing on the right hand of God. Stephen said, ”behold, I see the heavens opened, and the Son of man standing on the right hand of God. And they stoned Stephen as he called upon God, and said, ”Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.” He knelt down and cried with a loud voice, ”Lord lay not this sin to their charge.” And when he had said this, he fell asleep.

This has given me so much peace’ peace in my dreams and in my mind. God never leaves us, he shows up; in life and in death.

Jesus came down from Heaven and stepped into Earth with all His glory and maintained it. I don’t know if I could say it was easy for Him, but after all, He is God in the flesh. For us human beings to step into God’s Glory with all its mysteries it is very difficult, because God is never changing and we are. We cannot sustain the glory of God because of its power and the weakness of the flesh. Through the power of the almighty it can be sustained for a short period of time; with prayer, fasting and true faith we can we can try to win the battle and maintain it but even Jesus admits that He in the flesh is not  good, except God; Luke 18:19 ” Why callest thou me good? none is good, save one, that is God.”

There are always battles to overcome as a human being trying to sustain the Glory of God when we are called. This battle had begun in Genesis 3:15, I will put enmity between thee and the woman and between thy seed and her seed; it shall bruise thy head, and thou shalt bruise his heel.”

Mankind has been preaching the Bible for centuries because, for many, that’s the only reference or proof to the true existence of God. Today, without the Bible I believe many religions cannot or would not exist. Notwithstanding, for people like myself, and I know that I can’t be the only one, it was the power of the Holy Ghost that allowed me to step into God’s Glory, which granted me his  wisdom, knowledge and understanding. This is not something that can be taught by reading the Bible or going to church alone. The Bible declares, ”God is a spirit and they that worship Him must worship Him in spirit and in truth.” John 4:24 Jesus said, ”But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.” John 14:26 Jesus said again, ”But when the Comforter is come, whom I will send unto you from the Father, even the spirit of truth, which proceedeth from the Father, he shall testify of me.”

My Comforter came as the one thing that I could identify myself with: being a mother; something that I hold dear to my heart and always knew from a child that I wanted to be. This is the reason I believe Mother Mary came to me. I love all children even those that aren’t mine and I would take care of them as though are. To step into the Glory of God, understand that we have to love and  care for all God’s children ( human beings) as our own, no matter race, religion, atheist or culture.  John 21:15-17 If you love me feed my lamb, fed my sheep. Matthew 28:19 ”Go ye therefore, and teach all nations.” Mark 16:15 ”Go ye into the world, and preach the gospel to every creature.” John 3:16′ ”For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son. ”

What I’ve also learned from stepping into God’s Glory is, Isaiah 55:8-9 ”For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.” God is love, compassion, humility, forgiveness, discipline, understanding, He is everything, both good and even bad. For instance, when one has to correct or discipline it is never considered being good, think of it especially from a child’s point of view. But even in being bad God is good, because although His way is not our way, he must show us what is right. Another example would be to ponder why he would let so many bad things happen; especially to good people. But this is not because God allows it but because Genesis 2:16-17 “And the Lord God commanded the man, saying, Of every tree of the garden thou mayest freely eat. But of the tree of knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it; for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shall surely die.” God didn’t want us to eat from the tree of Good and Evil because he can handle the bad and we cannot. Yet still today, metaphorically speaking, we continue to indulge in the forbidden fruit and continue to wonder why we experience the consequences. Yet out of every tragedy and every bad thing that has ever happened, there is always an outcome of change. This is not God doing this, this is us doing this because we are refusing to accept and have Faith in God’s bidding until all else fails though he has never and will never leave us neither forsaken us.

The devil is a busy adversary seeking whom he may devour. Tragedy like the Charleston shooting is to put enmity between race. People we’ve come to far to turn back now. Don’t allow this tragedy to lead us in the valley of despair. We are overcomers because we know to pray. Psalm 121: I will lift mine eyes unto the hills from whence cometh my help… This happened to destroy any hope of reconciling racial tension, it is like pouring gasoline on a fire that is already burning, …but the devil is a liar. For all who is wondering if this young man acted alone or not, especially you Christian people, can you not see the legions in his eyes? Luke 8:30: I looked at his picture and I could only imagine the voices going on in his head. Ephesian 6:12: For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the ruler of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. My prayers goes out to the families for comfort, healing, peace and love, but most of all stay strong in faith.

Brothers and sisters, God has promised us that He would never destroy the world by water or flood again (Genesis 9:11). What we are experiencing now is Mother Earth in labour. Her water has just broken. That’s why we are seeing so much hurricanes, rain and floods. Earthquakes, tornados and volcanos are her contractions. She is giving birth to change. We are just seeing and feeling what’s going on from the outside. But there is more in depth powers flowing from the Heaven (mind) and the core (womb) from the Almighty God. Transformation is occurring in everything. There’s going to be new species of creatures, animals, plants, life, weather changes, geographic changes, even to us; our mental and physical abilities. No matter what, we need to be still and know that God is God (Psalms46:10).

“And it shall come to pass afterward
That I will pour out My Spirit on all flesh;
Your sons and your daughters shall prophesy,
Your old men shall dream dreams,
Your young men shall see visions. (Joel 2:28).”

My name Empress Joanne is not some sort of connotation for royalty or my beauty. My name is my anointing not only to elevate me but to humble me for the road I am to walk. I received my name in a vision. I was given this name not only for spiritual elevation, but for humility, in a dream. I was warned I shouldn’t tell anyone about this dream when I had mentioned it innocently. So here is where fear set in me. “Why?” I asked; “because many people are killed for this knowledge,” I was told by a man and woman of God. I was given the Crown of Heaven, the Crown of Earth and the Crown of Crucifix altogether as one crown and then given the Infant Jesus.

Crown of Heaven: the glory of God

Crown of Earth: whatever is bound on Earth is bound in Heaven

Crown of Crucifix: suffering with Christ

Infant Jesus represents all of mankind to be responsible for. So in receiving the Infant Jesus, just as God found favour in Mary and she was chosen by Him, He found favour in me to take on the role of being a woman, a mother, a wife, a leader. Like Daniel in the last days, “And I, Daniel, alone saw the vision, for the men who were with me did not see the vision; but a great terror fell upon them, so that they fled to hide themselves. (Daniel 10:7).”  Many are called but few are chosen. But to whom much is given, much is required (Luke 12:48). I’ve been battling and it has been a fight but this is MY higher calling.