What it meant for me to wrestle with God like Jacob? I was tired and fed up with life and it’s constant struggles with the evil that’s in our world. Why can’t life just be good and remain that way without the roller coaster ride? And to mention, I am people tired. Don’t get me wrong I am aware there’s good and bad people in our world, but the bad is too much to bear. It takes so much energy to deal with them. There are those who suck you dry of your virtue by their constant dependency on you and those who are just pure evil. I’ve been so beaten up in my heart, mind and spirit by the bad things that happened to me for my love and kindness to others, leavening me bitter and angry, very angry and bitter even to hating myself for being so naive and foolish where they are concerned.

Many times I screamed, ” I am not Jesus, I am a sinner, born into sin, wasn’t not conceived by the Holy Spirit. No matter how much I love you Lord, the spirit is willing, but my flesh truly is weak because I want to cuss, fight and even punch them in the face.” I often thought to myself in my rage, “now I understanding why the devil hated humanity, we’re really a bunch of messed up beings, the way we treat one another because of race, gender, religion, sexual orientation, social status… Desiring power and control to possess the entire world when not one of us is perfect. We are so prejudice and hateful to each other that we leave nothing for the devil to do to us that’s evil. I would sometimes imagine the devil saying to God, “look at them, told you so, but yet you consider them worth saving.” I picture God like a good doting parent making excuses for our behavior, even towards him. Worst than the devil, it’s like we’re provoking God to be more severe on us in his discipline towards us for our wrong doings.

One day I’d decided to fast and pray until God blesses me with the knowledge, wisdom and understanding of it all. Being so frustrated and tired of all the negative things reported in the news, I couldn’t help but believe the world is coming to an end. Humanity are way out of control and we definitely need Jesus, now. Like Jacob, I decided not stop fasting and praying until God gives me an answer to, “why?” I remembered saying, even if my health is jeopardize, I will not give up till the Lord blessed me, like he did Jacob. “Be careful what you pray for!”

When Jacob wrestle with the man (angel) he touched the socket of Jacob’s hip so that his hip was wrenched. “Let me go, for it is daybreak,” said the man. Jacob replied, ” I will not let you go unless you bless me.” Genesis 32:25-27. What I understood the meaning of the touch was to inflict pain because pain is the power to ignite healing when at the brink of despair to rebirthing something new within us. Pain signifies and activates our sensations and emotions. The man (angel) didn’t touch Jacob to prevent him from wrestling with him, he touched him to release the pressure of the pain from his heart and mind. His touch was to weaken the flesh and strengthen his spirit which was already at work.

Pain, suffering, heart aches and all manner of brokenness has never been part of God’s plans for humanity, it is not part of life it’s part of sin. Like Jacob we have the ability and strength within us to stand and fight, rebuke it from taking control over our lives. Jacob was courageous to confront and challenge the source of his afflictions, himself, the image of God, in which he was created. We are given free will, and there’s a price to pay even though it’s suppose to be free because of sin. Free will can brings good as well as bad, when not discipline within us. Jacob was wrestling with God to take back the free will, because he was not worthy to possess it, too much for him to handle with all the pain and suffering he had to endured in his life. He recognized the only way to go forward is through the will of God not his or any man’s.

The spirit of God shall not always strive with man, Genesis 6:3. All the reason to remember to pray, ” Lord protect us from all weaknesses that leads us to temptations, .” Jesus came and his life death and resurrection changed everything for all humanity, so stand firm in the new found liberty we’ve been given through him. Seek wisdom, knowledge and understanding till you find it.

I see it in your eyes, how much your brother means to you. There’s love, there so much love between you two, “so stop it! Stop the self righteousness and judgement on your brother.” You know, he’s always been free spirited like your mother and yes you do worry about him and felt you’re responsible for protecting and watching out for him since your mother passed, but he’s grown. Just remember you both are the prize possession of your mother, her legacy she left for the world, who loves her and still today mourn for her. You guys all we have of her, so fight if you want like all siblings do, but it’s time to make up and be a family regardless.

When I think of your mother and father relationship, I am angry that it seems like selfishness and wanting things ones own way with no compromise that destroyed it, and just plain stubbornness. Don’t make the same mistake that can undoubtedly let us lose interest in the monarch. The both of you, like your mother Princess Diana, for me and I believe many others, if I can speak for them, were the change the monarchy needed to keep us hopeful and excited for the future of the monarch.

You don’t be your father and put your brother in the position like that of your mother. Don’t allow history to repeat itself with you both. Make the difference that both your father and mother together couldn’t. Please allow your grand mother and our Queen Elizabeth to live out her last days in peace. Enough is enough, the monarch needs to get into the twenty-first century. All the bickering, fighting and negative views of the monarch needs to be addressed and made right and a front of unity of the entire family needs to establish in front of the cameras and behind closed doors. Do whatever it takes to continue the Queen reign in the most powerful and influential way.

As a mother I want to see all my children get along with love respect, communication, support and unity with each other especially whenever that time comes and I pass on. So I sincerely believe in my heart that your mother, Princess Diana would want the same as any mother would. “A family that prays together, stays together.” This is a fact even though it is not always without problems.

Who am I? A nobody, who became a somebody because of the love of Jesus.

As I read Luke 22:35-36 Jesus asked his disciples, “when I sent you without purse, bag or sandals, did you lack anything?” “Nothing,” they answered. Jesus was referring Luke 9:1-6 where he’d sent out the twelve disciples and give them power and authority to cast out all demons and to heal all diseases, taking nothing for their journey. He said to them, “But now if you have  a purse, take it, and also a bag; and if you don’t have a sword, sell your cloak and buy one. What this is allowing us to understand, God equips us with what is needed to do his will through our obedience to him.

I’ve spent my entire life trying to live honest according to the teachings of Jesus and all he taught his disciples as written in the scriptures. I’ve been following and listening faithfully to the ones who supposedly called by the Lord as shepherds over his flocks, such as Bishops, Pastors, any leaders of the church. I truly believe that all of them like Jesus disciples after his life death and resurrection, were deserving of trust in their faithfulness to follow through on his will. Sadly enough, but the imperfections of man always shows it’s truth, leaving all of us feeling some how deceived and ever so let down to not trust ever again the institutions of religion (churches). But they are just man, not God, is my realization with their strengths and weaknesses, the frailties of man, which equals to imperfections. Man, to whom the more than ever, we must not put our Faith in, but only God himself.

Forgiveness: “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing, Luke 23:34. “And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” Mark 11:25. “Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times? Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” Matthew 18:21-22. For so many of us we rather in our anguish go to hell, than to forgive someone. Forgiveness is a gift from God to us to pass on to others, like grace.

If Jesus never took credit for anything he has done, all is done through him by the Father. John 5:19, 5:30, 8:28. We also must have that kind of humility, concerning the will of God. Even though Jesus was in the form of God, he emptied himself, (Phil. 2:5-8) and made for a while lower than the angels, became man, (psalm 8:5). He was also under the law,Gal.4:4). That’s the reason we knew according to scriptures he grew in wisdom and stature ( Luke 2:52). Col.2:9 says that in Jesus “dwells all the fullness of the Godhead and bodily form.” Therefore, Jesus is both divine and human in one person. He was a man as well as divine, but the divine nature, like the spirit with flesh so to speak, worked together even with the limitations of humanity (flesh) in order to fulfill the law, and God will. We ourselves can be the same as Jesus by following Jesus.

“It is God’s will be done, not ours.” Jesus surrendered himself to it and we like him, have to now surrender ourselves to Jesus, who’s one with the Father. Your thought has to be in one with Jesus’s. We are not to move until Jesus in us move, we’re not to speak until the voice of Jesus in us speaks, and we’re not to walk until the feet of Jesus in us walks. United together as one, one body, mind and spirit, three in one and one in three. Not of our own individuality and power like so many of us who loves power and control.

The other thing I’ve learned is you don’t always have to be present to do the will of God. It take Faith from wherever you are to send out energy to make the impossible, possible, that’s sometimes the only work we must do. Matthew 8:8 ” The centurion (Roman soldier) answered and said,”Lord, I am not worthy that thou shouldest come under my roof. But speak the word only, and my servant shall be healed.”

You don’t have to necessarily be seen and heard to be glorified by God. Matthew 6:6 “When you pray, go into your closet and when you have shut the door, pray to the Father who is in secret, and your Father who sees in secret shall reward you openly. A lot of people don’t get this, because when they see you blessed and highly favored, they often wondering, why?

It takes obedience and willingness to submit to God’s will by choice, it can really make the difference for our lives as human beings, even with our imperfections.

The universe is to huge for us to truly believe we are alone in it. The earth being one part of the entire universe with so much different race and ethnicities of human beings, animals, the fowl of the air, fish in the sea and whatsoever passes through the paths of the sea, countries from the East, West, North and South of our world. Maybe there’s even places yet to be discovered in our word especially in the deep oceans or even in our highest mountains. It surely be nothing but ignorance to believe that our God, creator of all things here on earth, and a massive universe would be limited.

Made up of connected energies is our universe in which we are all part. Energy can be felt but not seen with the naked eyes. As human there are limitations to what we can see with our naked eyes. We wear glasses to improve problems with our vision. But there’s spiritual vision that can only be attained through fasting, meditation and prayers to connect with the creator to open up our eyes not only to the mysteries of our being, but also of the entire universe and all creations.

I believe strongly that we’re not alone in the universe and that we humans are the aliens not the other way around. Why? Because humanity has yet to evolve. And for us to be evolving has nothing to do necessarily with technology or all the things humanity is now accomplishing scientifically, but spiritually with wisdom, knowledge, understanding and discipline of the weakness of the flesh. We are still stuck in or sins, the very thing that is holding us back. We have free will and is not wise enough to take advantage of using it for good. If only we’d be obedient to God and stop being a magnet for negative energies, all the impossible would be possible, the unseen would be seen and our deaf ears will definitely hear all that the Lord is saying to us.

No rest and no peace the continuing fight to get through this pandemic. Business had to finally closed couldn’t afford another temporary closer, work from home for those who can, lots of job losts, more school closers, stay at home warnings, no social gathering, line ups again for grocery shopping, shopping centers closed, more cases is confirmed and hospital ICU filling up with covid-19 patients and the list goes on.

“How much more can we take?” Is the cry. People looked to the vaccine as a fast cure back to normalcy, but the set back still hit hard in the midst of receiving it. We’re in the third wave with new variants, Lord have mercy on us.

In biblical times we’d be calling these days famine, a great drought. The only thing we can do is to Faith it through these difficult times. People are frustrated, drained tired and mentally fatigued with this pandemic including myself as a faithful person. But we’ve being living carefree for so long, taking it for granted. Now we all have to suck it up, be strong and faithful knowing that this too shall pass. It is so hard, but this is nothing compared to what our ancestors had to endure before we got so intelligent after Jesus came.

Jesus Christ is real Royalty, with wealth, class, privilege and more, but yet, he flaunt it not. Royalty and sovereignty with so much love and humility for man kind, who wouldn’t want Jesus to be our earthly king? Yet no man has ever curtsy or bow down to honor him. No man or woman on earth is worthy or can be compared. Why? Because none of them will be willing to sacrifice themselves even unto death with all humility, to come down of there throne, especially as humans with our, pride and prejudices, to become one with the people, their subjects or even walk along side them, like Jesus.

“Be in the world, but not of it.” That’s me! I couldn’t have found myself interested in earthly royalties simply because in my heart and mind I feel they do nothing for humanity beside looking down on their fellow man as though they’re some how above them. I don’t believe they understand their position where God is concern in their lives, especially the monarch who believe themselves to be based on the foundation of the church of God. They are more like pagans kings and queens, if they had anything to do with the God then their truth shall shine not lies. They are not true to themselves how can they be true others. Protocols and traditions, they are like the Old Testament of the Bible, stuck and want to keep their people stuck with them. No freedom just a stiff neck self absorb, selfish and egotistical bunch of snobs. They act like they don’t, urinate, poop, eat, sleep, have any kind of emotions, like robots some kind of automatic controlled being. Hiding their true reality as being humans, to convey something more like a fantasy for all who has imaginations. Sad, so very sad. All they have to do is be normal and imperfect like all regular people.

Jesus was true to himself as he was to all humanity. He hid nothing from us about who he was by opening up himself to humanity from the day of his birth to the prophecy of it. I believe the truth that should of set us free with the wisdom, knowledge and understanding, set some free, but not all of us. Some of us is bound by the truth. When Jesus revealed himself to the entire world, he was dead already, without showing off his power and authority, he willingly submit himself into being a servant to us, a slave for our sins and a sacrifice to deliver us. How many human kings or queens will be willing to do the same. When everything they portray as being normal is just an act for the cameras and publicity stunt. All that glitters is not good or diamonds and don’t judge the book by its cover; all theses saying applies to them, what a shame!

Not one, not one is worthy from the first God chosen king in the Bible, Saul who had proven such unworthiness from the beginning until Jesus. There’s only one who took up the cross and follow Jesus, the one real true royalty I’ve known, “Lady Diana,” who changed the world’s perspective of royalty. Through her humility, innocent, truthful and pure childlike personality; like Jesus they stripped her of everything and nailed her to the cross, metaphorical, but yet she revealed her true self also when she died. Her true self is God being shown through her love and acts of kindness and hardship she endured. Her life like Jesus was one of service and sacrifice, even being hated and rejected by the one she loved and family.

The Lord light continued to shined through her like Jesus and we the world embraced the light and fell in love. It shined even it’s brightest at her passing, leaving those like Jesus’s hater to say, “truly she was a blessing from God to the world and for their country.” Her light keeps on shining even now as a reminder concerning the monarch, they were lost and hopefully now found through her just like the light of Jesus in our world today with all the despair it’s going through.

Are you hungry for food and thirsty for drink? Jesus prepares a table for us all to sit and eat with him.

I was in what looked like a forest and I began to hear singing and music so I followed it and as I drew nearer, a little friendly baled head African boy child about seven years old suddenly appeared, grabbed my hand and said, “the master is waiting on you, come on, hurry!” as held my hands pulling me. He opened a gate made out of freshly cut wood. He allowed me to go in all by myself and then the music and singing stopped. Appeared behind me was a scruffy looking bearded man with a rod in his hand, with long black curly hair like locks. He reminded me of Moses from the movie The Ten Commandments. I couldn’t help but to think at first he definitely was John the Baptist. He looked so humble and spoke quietly as he said, “ ten years has been along time to wait, but now you’re here and I am going to take you to the four corners of the world.” Before I can complete my thought as to what’s the four corners of the world meant? He quietly said, “ east, west, north and south.” Not another word, he spoked after that. All he did as I watched him prepared us both something to eat. I was fasting and praying, and trust me without even saying a word some how I felt he knew how hungry I must of been.

I it was Jesus not John the Baptist, after some meditation and praying. Why Jesus? I searched the Bible and the only person that fit the description was Jesus, “ The Lord’s My Shepherd.” The reason for my fasting and praying was to draw nearer to the Lord for guidance and protection in my life and a closer walk with him to try and understand the meaning of life. The table was set and prepared by a beautiful stream of water. I can remember and it looked and felt like paradise. I was surrounded by peace and tranquillity. I didn’t want to leave, but then I woke up. And like in Psalm twenty-three says, “He leaded me besides still waters, he restores my soul. Thou prepare a table before me.” That’s exactly what he had done. I remembered eating fish and rice freshly prepared and drinking water that quenched my thirst. My conscious thought lead me to believe I started off my journey in my dream with Psalm 23.

There’s no excuse nor reason that can be given for any humans treating other human beings in an inhumane way, regardless of race, religion, skin color, etc. We are all human beings with our strengths and weaknesses. What is it going to take for us to realize this, an alien invasion from another planet? The Holocaust if had not documented by film I am pretty sure no one would have ever believe such an atrocity ever happened.

We must remember the Holocaust, remember the cruelty of humanity towards one another. Let it break our hearts and mind so badly that history like this never ever happens again. When looking to understand the working of the devil which is pure evil, remember the Holocaust, slavery, racism; any kind of cruelty towards each other. It is hypocritical of any of us who has experienced such treatment in one way or the other of cruelty and evil and don’t recognize when we ourselves the hurting, can also hurt others.

The Holocaust is proof that racism has to do with fear. Hitler was afraid of the Jewish people, he felt they were a threat to his plans of world domination.

Will is a powerful thing, put it together with Faith and all things are possible. Matthew 17:20 Jesus said, “Truly I tell you, if you have Faith like a grain of mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”

Hebrew 11:1, Now Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not see. Will: to want or to choose, to cause something to happen through force of desire.

I can’t help but believe the life we are living is the consequences of decisions we’ve made. Whether good or bad we have the ability to change the course of our lives. But it require a determination of Faith and will. God, to whom we are created in the image of, and we have certain abilities like. God created the world from nothing and our lives like an empty pages of a book by us living we beginning to fill the pages. He has already given us ninety-five percent of the work completed for life the other five percent is our free will to live accordingly to all he desires. With freedom of choice comes the responsibility also for others, so whatever decision we make concerning ourselves, we should always take this in consideration. Like a domino effect one bad move and everything connected to life itself can come thumbing down.

Faith and good will! A lot of us has will but most of the time it leads to bad through our weakness, sin.

You’d think that I’m speaking about some kind of intoxication like alcohol or a drug high. I am speaking about a spiritual high. Now that fasting season has come to a close and I am able to eat, my flesh feels heavy and sluggish when before I felt like I was flying. The best way to describe the feeling is my feet was not touching the ground. Clarity of mind, body and spirit came over me like being in oneness with the Lord. The fears, doubt and hopelessness that once incapacitated me had been lifted.

The enemy in me was me. I found out throughout my praying and fasting that food is a weight to the flesh and a obstacle to the spirit. The body needs food for nourishment and without it the body would die; like water, fluid, it is a necessity for us. Food is the bodies fuel for energy and drink for hydration. We can’t fool ourself to believe other wise, God created us that way from the beginning of time, Genenis 2:16 And the Lord God commanded the man, saying, of every tree of the garden you may eat freely. I believe fasting and praying take us in a different realm, being in the world but not of it. You get connected to a higher consciousness, tapping into that oneness with the Lord. It’s a sacrifice and discipline of the flesh. Matthew 17:21 Jesus healed the boy that way possessed by demons his disciples couldn’t. He said, “howbeit this kind goeth not out but by prayer and fasting.” (KJV)

What’s going on in the world today needs an spiritual  intervention that can only be attained through fasting and prayers. When the earth is some how being disrupted by the atmosphere is doesn’t affect humanity as much as when it comes from it’s inner core or both. It takes a century for both to begin to affect us humanity and that’s what’s happening today. There’s a vibration we all feel in our mind, body and soul when it concerns the earth core and an never ending echo of the selient sound of change, evolution taking place. The sound is so loud that it effect the mind mentally.

Fasting and praying is a weapon also against the enemy.