Gone but not forgotten, I love and miss him so much. The world could have never contain a light so bright for long. This entire week all I did knowing the anniversary of his transition was this weekend, I spent my time watching every video and concert about Micheal Jackson over and over again on YouTube. I couldn’t help but prayed and asked the Lord to reveal to me why Micheal had such a profound impact on some people lives when I saw the multitude of fans at his concerts and then at the same time there were those who hated, hurt and persecuted him. This is the answer to my question John 15:18-19 Jesus said, “If the world hates you, understand that it hated Me first. If you were of the world, it would love you as it’s own. Instead, the world hates you, because you are not of the world, but I have chosen you out the world.” And the question to ask is, why did the world hated Jesus?

Micheal did a lot of good besides his musical career, helping a lot of people all over the world through charities. I get it the musical side was used to soothe and electrify our souls, it was also prophetic. But truly he was a light in which the Lord was showing Himself mightily, we call it genius. The energy that radiated from him in his music and on stage was magnetic, no one can resist its power, God image in man manifested. “Brilliant, blessed and highly favoured by God.” Like king David to Saul, when the evil spirit from the Lord plagued king Saul making him agitated and fearful 1 Samuel 16:23. Micheal music soothe our soul also, if I could speak for other like myself who feels the same way. I can’t help but believe the same spirit is plaguing our world today, we can sure use his gift. I promised I wasn’t going to cry, but here comes the tears when I think of him. Whole week I held back my tears as I recalled the times I was broken, afraid and felt hopeless; his music and my love for him give me the drive and strength to continue with this life in hopes to one day meet him. He was my first boyfriend, we’d write songs tour the world together doing concerts, my husband, the father of my children. “Boy did I ever had an imagination.” The impact he had on my life from the age of five, remembering watching the Jackson 5ive cartoons on the weekend. He brought me joy and happiness in the darkness days of my life with his music and my imagination.

“ I would never idolize any human being, with all our imperfections, sorry, but no way, you’re just disappointing and that’s a fact I know too we’ll.” I don’t idolize Micheal I see him for who he truly is not just a famous person but a human being, a kindred spirit. Decades ago I went on a spiritual retreat a married woman, mother, and had my forth child five months prior. At the retreat I had experience, witnessed and learned things about this life that I never knew before and Micheal was part of it all and that’s all I am going to say. When Moses went out to the people of Israel to deliver them according to what the Lord had spoken to him and he spoke to pharaoh he did exactly that, no where is it written in the scriptures he mentioned to both the people or pharaoh about the burning bush he saw.

Micheal Jackson is one of the real deal of our century, many has come before, but no other entertainer before or after him can ever be like him. He’s God’s original and I say this will all humility, truth and authority of the spirit within me. What did Jesus say? John 14:12 “ Verily truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. Micheal did do great work, and he represented even in the storms in his life.

I use to say that there are so many gifted people in the world and we’ll never ever get to see or even know who they are, but here comes the internet and social media, “Isn’t Good good!” And it’s not only about entertainers only. Jesus disciples are camouflage in all walks of life in our world. With the internet we get to see not only the rich and famous, but normal, regular people all over the world who are also world changers being blessed with amazing gifts, so inspiring.

One thing that I acknowledge about this life, no matter how brilliant and a genius you may be or even a regular person there’s always a demon we all have to be fighting. And the demon comes in many forms and situations in our lives. We struggle with health, fear, pain, drug abuse, finances, homelessness, hunger, depression, loneliness, emotional trauma, sibling rivalry, jealousy among others, and the list goes on. All these things becomes a blockage to our highest self, refusing to allow perfection in our being. A brokenness preventing the wholeness of God within us to grow and gives us perfection, like he our Father is. The negative forces of this world refuse to allow goodness to reign without putting up a fight. It’s sad to say, but in this world it’s hard to be good, because they take bad for good and good for bad. And if you’re good it tries its best to make you bad by plaguing on your innocence, love, mercy, compassion…kindness for other through deception and manipulation, braking you down emotionally, mentally and physically. The wages of sin has to be death, because we can’t live like this forever.

Micheal Jackson got me through the worst times in life when he was here with is music and presence. All I had was to offer him was my prayers, praying the Lord would watch over and protected him as I heard of all allegation that was against him. Each time he’d escaped the jaws of the enemy they kept on trying. The last court case really took a toll on him and I can’t help but believe God reached down from heaven and snatched him out of this world, he was going right back into life storm unknowingly. It was hard to except God’s will for Micheal, calling him home so early, knowing how much he meant to the world and his family. I love him so much I’d refuse to let go and say goodbye, but I do understand he’s no longer suffering. Sometimes when I meditate on the condition of this world today I truly understand why God takes certain people out the world because he know what we all can, can’t handle and I believe empathetic, big hearted, loving and caring Micheal, would of been broken as I am over it all.

My heart still breaks and aches for him. It is not his soul that needs to “Rest In Peace” it’s mine. In memory of him my love light is shining as reminder to him in heaven, here on earth he’s still loved and missed, never forgotten.

Why were God’s people, the Israelites, always scattered? It was because of disobedience; they rejected God’s covenant and refused to listen and obey God. First they were in Egypt, Babylon, Persia, Greece and Rome and then all over the world even today.

I had an epiphany when meditating on what’s the meaning of the return of the Israelites to the promised homeland. The promised homeland is not a place, but is it a higher state of consciousness; being in one with the Lord where sin no longer has dominion over us. We can acknowledge it when confronted in our minds and rebuke its control over us. The Lord wants his people to return back to Him as Adam before sin entered in. Whether consciously, unconsciously or subconsciously, the power and authority of God is moving upon the minds of humanity for the restoration of our soul. The only homeland is back to God being our one and all. Even the garden of Eden wasn’t a place as we know it to be, but utopia where man was in spirit, body and not flesh. Sin caused flesh covering because it no longer allowed Adam and Eve to see with spiritual eyes, but natural eyes and with the natural eyes they saw nakedness(darkness) within themselves instead of the the pure light of God glowing that was their covering.

There are some of us walking with the mark of Cain on our foreheads because of sin, Genesis 4:15 And the Lord set a mark upon Cain, lest any find him should kill him. We refuse to acknowledge the truth that has been set before us through Christ. Though the blood has been spilled and sprinkled and has landed on on the entire earth as a sacrifice for sin, some of us still struggle and can’t help for the devil is in our midst. Jesus recognizing that it’s not our fault, it’s a struggle for humanity and refuses to give up on us.

Truth is out here fighting against lies, that it is so bright it is shining to the the point of disbelief and non-acceptance. It has now become controversial, another attack of the enemy in our midst. If there is ever a time that we need discernment it is now. We must pray for the Holy Spirit; comforter, to fall on us and grant us discernment. Our eyes are deceiving us and so are our ears. When we watch the news and hear what is going on it’s considered fake news; even what’s on social media postings. What’s going on? We are losing sight of truth. Long ago we had to suck things up and act like everything was great when it really wasn’t. We had to cover up with so much lies and sneaking around. But today in the ‘Reveal’, it’s all nakedness with no shame or reprimand for immortality, consequences such as going to hell. Hell the biggest threat there use to be, when God and heaven was once first priority in our lives.

As I am writing, I can’t help but believe that my thoughts is inspired by the Lord. We can no longer pretend or as the young people says, “fakes it.” Not in His temple(body) all unrighteousness must be purified by coming out of hiding. The enemy in me, the desires of the flesh fighting against the spirit in me. What’s happening is irrespective of the person, their race, religion, social status etc. The ‘Reveal’ is to expose truth, finishing what Jesus started on the cross, I believe. All that’s in the dark is now coming to light; nothing is hidden anymore. Like an infection, the wound has to be drained of all pus for it to heal. The world is so swollen and infected with sin. Truth and all righteousness will bring about the healing.

To understand who the Israelites are, remember Jacob the only son of God, true friend and faithful servant of Abraham and his wife Sarah. Jacob stole his brother’s Esau birthright, ran away to his uncle Laban house out of fear of his brother’s retribution for his deceit over a bowl of stew. After serving his uncle for years, he has himself been deceived by his uncle for a wife has decided to now once again runaway to return home knowing his brother Esau who’s probably still angry at him and now his uncle for him leaving with his daughters and grandchildren. Who else can he turn to but the Lord. So he made up his mind to wrestle with the Lord until he blesses his soul. He stayed at the place he called Bethel on his way to his uncle. He stayed overnight, set up an altar onto the Lord where he had a vision and believed the Lord to be in that place, Genesis 27-32. Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with humans and have overcome.

Have you ever struggled with God/man and had to overcome? Then like Jacob you’re an Israelite! Jesus’ life, death and resurrection have merged us all together as one sons/daughters of God. Scattered we must have been, but the truth, knowledge, wisdom and understanding of God was given to us by the manifestation of the Word, “Jesus” John 1: 1-5“ In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God, and the Word was God…And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not.”

No longer are we to be wandering all over the world; our place is in Christ Jesus. We have to stand in him and through him. He’s not a place to be found, he’s a way to be in this here world. Jesus fought with flesh(humanity) and the devil till death and won the victory. It’s because of him, grace came to be. Sin has penetrated the world that his being is the way we all must model after. This is how we are to discern if a man/woman is of God. When we show love, compassion, mercy, humility, willing to serve others, treat them way we’ll want to be treated, with no judgment or condemnation and have forgiveness and a conscious mind to God’s will and purpose at any cost to be done…having the characteristics of Christ, grounded knowing who we truly are.

To be deeply cut and wounded by tragedy that traumatized, you’re totally out of control mentally, and physically. A deep wound that takes time to heal. The scar on the outside heal pretty fast, because we can walk and talk like nothing is wrong, concealing the truth. But the real healing begins with recognizing the brokenness and then can continue for months, sometimes up to years on the inside. Deeply cut and wounded is a constant reminder of being in this battle field called life with its valley and wilderness of tears. Severely paralyzed, inconceivable therapy can help, knowing that medication can’t heal emotions or a broken spirit. You got to seek spiritual healing.

“The battle is mine,’’ says the Lord, according to scriptures. But then he put you in the war zone and says to trust him, when you’re pierced by fear against the knowledge of what you’re about to face and fight. There are two emotions that can leave a person paralyzed and confused as to what to do, and that is love and fear. With emotions running so high, how can we find the confidence and peace in the word, especially when ambushed unexpectedly by the enemy? Already vulnerable with a lost of hope is when we need to feel the Lord at work within us immediately, and He has, but in midst of our pain and suffering we don’t acknowledge Him taking away the fear and doubt that makes us lose faith.

Timing according to humanity isn’t the same as for God, who’s a spirit. Spiritual time has no seconds, minutes or hours, because it doesn’t move slow, but swiftly without a count. God moves swiftly, but we are so unaware because we have to deal with second, minutes and hours all to do with timing from one point to another going around in a circle. Like an elevator for us there’s only up and down, but could you imagine it going side to side, left, right and in a circle, that’s what God’s time is like. In times of troubles a quick fix is what we require of the God who’s timing seems slow, but yet some how right on time.

What may works for me doesn’t necessarily means it will work for you. There are somethings about life that’s not a one solution fits all. We have to stop measuring ourselves to others. We are are all different in some ways with our strength and weaknesses, but never alone. There’s always someone you can identify with as having similar circumstances or characteristics as you. Overcoming trauma in our live takes fortitude and steadfastness . Some of us can be so fragile that we’re easily broken and some very resilient.

No doctor, preacher, prophet, life coach, or guru can penetrate a wound so deep with an everlasting effect when it come to emotion. You’re hyped up for a while feeling like you’re floating on air and then something happens a déjà view, flash back, a certain incident something that brings you right back to that state of mind, the enemy. A healing wound has some how reopened as soon as the bandage was ready to be taken completely off. You got to rebuke the enemy for your survival.

Knowing fire burns, you become afraid of fire. Your natural instincts kicks in when you know you’re too close to fire, you move away immediately with fear of being burnt or consumed. It’s your natural reflex when touching something hot, you drop it. But needing to use fire to cook, or you’re a fire fighter and almost lost your life in a fire, your fears shouldn’t get the best of you, you’ve got to take control of it. What choices do you have when you are challenge with the only solution to your situation is to face it head on. You can’t fight against a storm, you can take cover and pray it will pass. It is up to you to take control of your emotions with the discipline of the mind to get you through. Start by calling on the Lord, plead with him for help and deliverance, and believe it’s already done. It’s never a losing battle if you’ve got faith. If you believe in God wholeheartedly then you got to know He’s in control of the storm, you shouldn’t be afraid, Philippians 4:6-7 “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God…

Cry out to the Lord, Psalm 130: 1-2 “out of the depths have I cried unto thee O Lord. Lord, hear my voice: let thine ears be attentive to the voice of my supplications.” There’s no other help we know, when all else has failed us. The Lord’s help is everlasting it’s for all eternity, not to hype you up temporarily. An encounter with the Lord can give you the healing miracle in whatever situation you maybe going through by fasting and praying. Ephesians 6:11 “ Put on the whole armour of God” Especially when emotionally paralyzed.

The devil is a deceiver, there’s nothing impossible for God where we His children is concerned. Give over unto Him the most difficult situations in your life and He will deliver you. He’s a miracle working God!

The world is crazy and chaotic right now. According to Ephesians 6:12 the powers and principalities, spiritual wickedness in high places…is showing itself mighty strong in what’s taking place in our world today, in which I believe is causing us to be mentally spiritually depleted, we need God. We are so busy today, distracted by so many things especially technology, God is not on our priority list. But we need Him now more than ever. We are slipping into darkness unaware. But we are so lucky we have a God who doesn’t changed. His love, concerns, and commitment to humanity remains always. No matter how we treat God He’ll never walks away leaving us in the midst of our troubles. The Lord is our anchor, but the strong current of this life keeps us drifting far away from Him, sometimes due to our own choices and disobedience.

We must ask ourselves this question, “am I living up to the will and purpose of God, or am I truly missing the point? What does God truly require of me?” Think for a moment, in the beginning it was obedience, so shall it be in the end. It all began with our obedience Adam and Eve. Obedience is for our own benefit. God wants us to acknowledge His presence in our lives and yes, once we do, it doesn’t mean we’ll never be without problems. But knowing the Lord’s with us is trusting Him in times of trials we can be like Jesus asleep in the boat in the midst of a storm, with no worries, but faith the storm will pass, Mark 4:38-40. God want for us to serve(help) one another with love and respect, to be each other’s keeper. God desires for humanity as I understand it, is to fulfil our needs like a parent making sure we’re clothed, fed and protected…Even though He provides our needs, He always takes into consideration our wants. Working with and through us, using our weaknesses to show His strength within us in times of struggles. We all do have to question ourselves because in wanting to fulfill His will and purpose in our lives we should not assume we are, let Him be the judge of that. After all His thoughts are not like ours, neither His ways, Isaiah 55:8. We all can understand and acknowledge, to be human is to make mistakes, no such thing as perfection. I constantly remind myself, “ those without sin cast the first stone.” And there’s no way I could hold a stone much less to cast it at anyone. Matthew 7:5 “you hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the spect from your brother’s eye. In this scripture Jesus is pointing out the people who believe themselves to be perfect or even equal to God that they judge and condemn others. Search yourself, does this sound like something you do?

I am sure there’s others like myself that are sometimes at a lost with the wisdom, knowledge and understanding of God. As I read the Ten Commandments, I couldn’t help but question the Holy Spirit when the Lord says, “ you shall have no other gods before me. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image(idols).” Is God acknowledging that there’s other Gods? I thought. Is He just stating, there’s no other besides Himself, so don’t even consider it and nothing is to replace Him as being first in our lives. Was God demonstrating He can foresee what’s in our hearts and minds? God knew because we couldn’t see Him face to face we were going to create a likeness of what we believe Him to be or resemble,us. As for an graven image (idol) God is adamant that we believe in Him by faith only, not by normal senses of what we can touch, see…the evidence in which we’ve known to operate by as our proof of truth. Why wouldn’t God want us to idolize Him (graven image), it’s because God has a problem with ‘forms,’ which are not truth and original. 2 Timothy 3:5 “having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.” Have we ever thought to ourselves whenever we call God, ‘Him’ giving God humanistic features and characteristics we’re breaking the commandments. When God said to Moses, “I am that I am, Exodus 3:14. I understood it as God not giving man any specific name, gender, authority…other than to say I am, which to me means everything beyond comprehension that a name or a tile cannot be referenced, but an real life being that exists. God is not complicated. Whenever I meditate upon “I am that I am” and it reverberates in my mind constantly I don’t see God, but I feel God like power of electricity rushing through my body. When God had spoken to Moses it was not just a soft spoken “I am, that I am,” but a confident, bold authoritative “I am that I am” with power. I am pretty sure when God said that lightning and thunder sounded.

As for me I truly believe taking God out of our lives, the image in which we are created we can’t help but feel lost, like being in darkness. God is the light of our lives we are not powerful enough like God to take on the darkness as though it be light(same). The darkness consumes us too often because of sin. God is the heart beat of our lives. The body can’t live without the heart that supplies the blood flow to the entire body and that what God is to our soul. He reaches to the places of our being by His flow in us that we ourselves can’t see or touch neither anyone else for that matter. God never disconnects, but we do when we don’t remain aware or except and acknowledge His presence. It like not ever knowing how much every party of your body is important from the crown of your head to the sole of your feet until one day a discomfort, pain, illness…something goes wrong disrupt the body’s natural flow. The heart can be functioning perfectly until a blood clot, comes and disrupts it’s flow. Sin in our lives is like the clot that disrupt the flow of God in us, then we are wondering why life is so difficult?

Matthew 7:5 “Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.”

Guns kill and abortion kills. When the Lord said, “ thou shall not kill,” I can’t remember there being any exceptions to this law in the scriptures. War is wrong because it’s killing, police are wrong because they are to serve and protect, keep the peace, but yet kills in the process and in protecting yourself with a gun, you might have no choices but to kill or accidentally kill. Tell me how is having a gun not as bad as abortion? If gun don’t kill and people do, like abortion it’s people choice. No matter how we try to manipulate it once these two things is at our disposal, it’s our choice and it’s called to kill. They are both a double-edged swords.

If the concern is truly about obedience to the Lord by doing his will, we must first begin with love for all humanity regardless of colour, race, religious believe, sexual orientation, social statist…whatever concerns some of us in our ignorance. John 3:16 “God so loved the world.” Not special love for certain individuals, but the world, all that dwell there in.

“For give us Father for we know not we do.” Is it not the Lord alone who can and should change the course of man lives? As we all are witnessing in the world today what happens when it’s left up to us, nothing but wars, rumours of war, power tripping, poverty, trials and tribulations, all this and more. At our own will and selfish desires we are causing so much havoc in a world which is destined for restoration of peace and tranquility as it was created to be.

So much innocent children are being killed by massive school shootings and I can’t believe the same court that put an end to abortion is the same courts giving rights for people to bear arms, the very guns that’s taking innocent lives. What’s the use of having police officer then to serve and to protect? The United States of America is falling and the whole world is watching. If other countries could keep the peace without their citizens having to bear arms and they are not shooting and killing the innocents in their countries, then something is wrong with this judgment. I could only pray wisdom, knowledge and understanding will reveal the truth that it is not a good idea for people to carry guns as they wish. Think for a moment, we’re living in a world with so many people suffering with all kind of mental illnesses, desires for power and control, lacking empathy, and the list goes on. It’s like pouring gasoline on an already out of control fire.

I was never so offended to see that man, trying once again to play God. If God allows us freedom of choice, under who authority any courts or man has the right to dictate what a woman could do with her own body especially concerning abortion. If you go to hell, you’re going by yourself, same as going to heaven. No one can speak for you, not even your own parents, who’s responsible for you coming into this world. When you make a choice to go against God commandments it’s between you and God. “Man has now become like satan, believes God needs them to set things right with His creation as though He’s incompetent. God is all-knowing, perfect, ever present and every where, so we can’t lie or hid from him. That’s why He’s the one and only just judge of us all.”

Getting married, family planning, being educated, working, being an actor, teacher…is a choice for many of us. But there are certain things in life we have no choice over like our parents, we didn’t choose them, our health, being born with a disability, blind or deaf, mentally challenged…whatever challenges that we had no choice in, can be very difficult to navigate in this thing we call life. Life can already be so difficult and a struggle for many of us with its ups and downs. No one knows for sure or can predict the outcome of life, not for themselves or others. Life can take a turn and you have to get off (dying) when you don’t want to especially when enjoying happy moments. But diseases like cancer, diabetes heart attack… an accidents; having no choice before you know it, time for you to get off.

We have to be wise enough to recognize and discern logically our choices in this one chance at life we’re given being who we are now. It’s only us to suffer the consequences at the end of it all. So to have the wisdom, knowledge and understanding of it all can only come from a deep relationship with the almighty, creator of all. Just as the flesh is left behind so are the memories of who we use to be as we’d transition back into His merciful arms. So if we choose to be good our goodness will follow us all the days of our lives and remain as a memory of who we use to be after we’re gone. And if we choose bad, then obviously you know.

Abortion the right to choose. Only logical when you’re wholeheartedly responsible for a life, with the understanding once you’ve excepted it, it not like it has returns to sender policy when a situation arises you can’t handle. Your mind and body have to be willing and prepared, nobody but you. Like when you’re dying, you’re on your own fading away slowly, no one but you feels it. Everyone who’s against abortion is either for their own selfish reasons (can’t get pregnant or lost a pregnancy) or they believe they are on the Lord side, when He said, “thou shall not kill.” Maybe they even believe themselves to be equal to or even God Himself, so self righteous, passing laws not to commit abortion. But I tell you there’s a greater price to pay for those laws makers when a mother drowns her baby, throw it in the trash, leave it out to be eaten in the woods after giving birth, abuse them in every sense of the way, selling them to baby illegal adoption agencies, trafficking babies illegal…and let’s not forget underground secret abortion clinic that many women would end up dying from, even to trying their own risky self abortions, killings themselves in the process. I could see this being extreme especially among young people. The blood would be upon hands of those law makers when prevent the freedom to choose.

Like ever other medical solutions for cure of the human body and mind abortion is also. I could understand if women begins using abortion like a means of contraceptive then and only then can I consider it wrong. Mistakes could happen and sometimes being forced to except something you don’t want can turn out really devastating. No abortion then no fertility clinics. Like good and bad it all exist in this sinful world. If it’s God’s will then we don’t need neither clinics, we are to be living by faith and faith alone. Just think all the cures and our constant evolving of medical researches leading up to dynamic results in changing lives for many who have medical conditions needing a cure. Without these advancements so many illnesses, diseases and many other health and mental problems would go without cure or solution to cope with.

Guns, a weapon used by man to kill, as they call it protection. Why can’t we use our fist or baton for protecting. In some countries they use batons even for the worst of criminals and both the police and criminals live to see another day. There are people who’s hands should never touch a gun. Gun changes the mentality of a person when in the wrong hand. Gun induces power trip for those who crave power and authority by whatever means. Guns are accidents waiting to happen especially in the wrong hands like a child, or someone with mental problem or just a trigger happy individual.

With abortion I often wonder what would Jesus say about it. Would he say the same thing he did when presented with the adulteress woman who was about to be stoned and was brought to him, “let those without sin cast the first stone,” John 8:3-11 And as for the use of a gun, would he say as He did to Peter in the garden of Gethsemane when he drew his sword and cut off the ear of the soldiers, “put your sword back in its place, for all who draw the sword will die by the sword,” Matthew 26:52.

Humanity we are loosing ground, sin has got us bond and the Lord’s will and purpose for us all is fading further and further away. The only truth and righteousness we are operating in is our own and the devil, not the Lord’s.

From the time the angel Gabriel spoke to Mary, Luke 1:28 “And the angel came in unto her, and said, Hail, thou that art highly favoured, the Lord is with thee: blessed art thou among woman. When Mary accepted and said, “be it unto me according to thy word.” Her life was completely turned upside down then the shadow of darkness began to follow her as soon as the light was ignited within her. From Joseph her fiancé wanting to divorce her finding out she was already pregnant, having to travel in her late trimester of pregnancy, not finding a proper place to give birth, running and hiding for their lives and all manner things that happened not even mentioned is scripture. This is why the light cost something. Just imagine what it must of been like for her still living with her parents, being pregnant and not yet married. For our faith in God, walking in His glorious light we are dragged to our knees, constantly keeping close to Him always and Him to us. Holding on with all our strength and might, praying that when He feels our hands slipping from His, He’ll grab hold of us tighter, never letting us go. A desperate plea for his guidance and protection from all evil seen and unseen. Psalm 23:4, “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and they staff they comfort me. They speak of walking through the shadow of death, but I know and I’ve felt the shadow of darkness that hovers over you like the darkest cloud with thunder and lightening ready to pour rain, not because of drought, but to flood and drown you. The devil must have moved aggressively to disrupt and tear down her life.

It looks and sounds so appealing to be blessed and highly favoured by God. But yet, it’s more like a target on your life, a shadow of darkness that follows you from the enemy(satan). In the natural everyone sees you as one to be admired and adored…given the name a Star. But in the spiritual, really you are a warrior walking in the Lords will and purpose for the restoration and salvation of all humanity, a threat to all possessing, negative, evil forces God want to eliminate to bring about peace. Let’s not get confuse with those who are in the world looking for fame, fortune and accolades from the world, because they are of the world; the things within and all its negativity. These are not the ones who we are speaking about as being “ blessed and highly favoured.”This is not about the faithless that still seems to be blessed, but about being called, born for service. This is why we all must ask ourselves the question, “who’s side are we on?” We got to be led by our conscious spiritual self (Holy spirit, comforter). Sound foolish to others, but speak to yourself, “who side am I on?” There’s only one and that is the Lord’s. Whenever you find yourself saying there’s more than one you’re battling against the enemy.

The evil(darkness) is drawn to the light, but yet wants to fight against it. Like the moth to the flame it can’t help itself. In the darkness light can be found. Before the darkness ruled, but when God said, “ let there be light: and there was light,” Genesis 1:3. The Lord our God made it so that darkness knew it’s place according to Genesis 1:4–5, “And God saw the light, that it was good: and God divided the light from the darkness. And God called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. Darkness has lost its power. Light is now in control co- existing with darkness who wants it to be like the good old day when it ruled.

Jesus is the light that the Lord our God said to humanity, let there be within us. We were like the world in darkness with sin before the Jesus came. And even though Jesus was not a force to be reckoned with, the shadow of darkness hovered over Him also as though He was one just like us. The darkness like the moth to the flames can’t help itself and is no respecter of person.

We have the firmament (heaven), us (humanity) and then we have all God creations (world). But then there’s an opposing power, an negative energy that wants control and is shaking the very foundation of the world that we are not yet able to overcome. We give into its seductions and temptations which lead us astray from the Will and purpose of God in our lives. With the light we take back control, the control by obedient and discipline. The darkness and the light becomes one in the same when you make it to the cross to Jesus. Your spirit is lifted up and your flesh submerged.

Can you stand to be blessed and highly favoured without being crushed by the enemies, jealousy, envy and hate? Once the light is activated within you, like a beacon drawing others to God we always say the world become against you. It’s not the world, but the negative evil forces(sin) the untamed that rises up against us without cause. You are hunted down for the kill like prey by the powers and principality, spiritual wickedness in high places, curses word of man mouth that can fall upon you, gossip, rumours…all manner of evil to get you and destroy you. But if hadn’t for the love of God, the enemy would of gotten his way with you. The battle is never yours, but the Lord’s, “stand still and see His salvation in your life when doing His will in obedience through an act of servitudes.”

To be blessed and highly favoured you must have faith in the Lord being with you, and surrounding you every step of the way in your life, because it cost. The enemy creeps in to plant a seed of destruction in your life to come crashing down like a dominoes effect. You are the vessel, but by His spirit you’re strengthen to operate.

Matthew 5:16 “ Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.” There was a time I saw this saying as being contradictory because man is to busy being jealous and hateful of your light. They aren’t concerned about glorifying God. But it wasn’t until the Holy Spirit revealed to me people who are in desperate need of the Lord’s intercession to work a miracle in their lives didn’t care who or how it came as long as He’d answered their prayers, they knew it was Him to give all the glory and honour. Haters are going to hate and God is never in their thoughts, because we know who side they are on.

“You’re a good child!” No one is good except God! It says so in the Bible, Mark 10:18 But this keeps on echoing in my mind and heart every time especially in distress. Her voice reverberated within my spirit whenever the tears began to fall and my spirit is broken. Like a guardian angel she’s continually working in my life to be a guiding light for me in times of darkness. “ Thank you Lord!”

I was eleven years old and she chose me out of eight siblings like Joseph with the cloak of many colours chosen by God and loved deeply by his father. I thought to myself, “what did she see in me?” I was the only one willing to go help her clean, cook, bake anything she needed help with, even to looking after her granddaughter. At the age of ten when I was first invited into her home to help with some chores, she had became a Godsend to my life. The only true Godmother I ever had and known. Treated me with much motherly love, nurturing and took me in as another daughter, which she already had, and her only child. She treated me like I was of her own flesh and blood. Many times she’d ask my dad to give me to her, she wanted to adopt me, seriously as her own.

I lived with my dad, stepmother and other siblings at the time. Didn’t know my biological mother, she left when I was a baby. My father had a lot of children and mistresses. I have a lot of half brothers and sisters (different mothers same father). This most special person in my life took me to church, was my best friend and confidant. She was always promising to bake my cake when I get married, like she knew something about my life, not even myself could even imagined. She was the one who took me in and nurtured me to good health after having my first child by c-section. She always told me the truth even if it hurt. She’d start off by saying, “you know how much I love you,” and right away I knew I was in trouble, lol.

Today for some reason as I looked at my scared knees the tears ran warm down my cheeks remembering her love and my love for her, “may she Rest In Peace.” She went home to the Heavenly Father eight months ago and it’s disheartening to think it’s because of her faithfulness to God to secretly take an eleven years old girl to seven churches and pray over my life as she was told in a dream one night, now she’s gone. The thought of never having what we had as friends, mother daughter love, and confidant which changed my life completely for so much better, greater things I could ever dream of especially with God. She finished what my grandmother started in me with faith. Upon her being obedient to the Holy Spirit, I never forget when she told me not to tell my dad or anyone what she was about to do, but she did asked his permission for me go out with her early that morning. She told me we had to get to seven churches before they closed. We traveled by bus, train and taxi to get to these churches. We made it to only six of the seven churches because the last had closed at 4pm, we were late. I remember we both sat on the steps as she held my hands and cried, “Lord Jesus I didn’t know they closed so early.” With the tears running down her face and it was then, only then had I realized the importance of what she secretly had to have been doing for my life. Her crying made me cry. She then gather her composure after a few minutes got up and said, “ child, the Lord knows best.”

My dad never attend church because he always said he’s not of any religion, nether are we his children. He always said to me we are high priestess and priest of the Melchizedek order, I am not to follow any religion. He says religion is limited and it cannot contains all the powers of God. He also spoke of us being scientists and astrologists in the spirit. My dad would say what I had considered crazy things that didn’t make much sense to me. I would just say to myself each time he’d spoken about these things, “dad has a great imagination these things aren’t real or even possible.” I was only nine years old at the time living with my dad for the first time in my life, when he started as he called it programming me, lol with his nonsense. The same nonsense I myself believe my children must be saying about me when I begin to speak the things of God to them.

I often thought to myself, “what would my life had been like if this woman, a stranger, my neighbour, ‘yes,’ that’s how we started out to be, and now my Godmother had not been obedient to God according to her dream.” After loosing two of my sibling and everything that had happened to me in my life I’ve survived when truly I should be dead or mentally insane. She was a stranger that took me in and now I know it was God. All my siblings and I lived in the same place had the same encounters with this woman as did I, but her dream was for me, “Thank you Lord!”

I had the love of my dad and my dad loved me so, may he also “Rest in Peace.” His love causing siblings rivalry among brothers and sisters towards me, that how bad it’s been. Like the story of Joseph and his father Jacob giving him the coat of many colours, Genesis 37. I had so long for the love of a mother and God sent MaPearl as she was called by the community of all who knew her. It was a shock and surprise to her daughter when I told her what her mom had done for my life over some forty years ago. It was an invitation to MaPearl Ninety Birthday celebration when I came clean to the secret between us to her daughter and told her we swore to have keep it a secret and now that she had dementia I wanted to let her know how much her mom meant to me before she passes away. Three years after her birthday celebration she’d passed.

“That one church we didn’t make it to, the one that the Lord knows best, must be when I get to heaven to be with her I thought.” On the six day God had completed His work and rested on the seventh. A sincerely devoted, faithful servant, and God fearing woman held on to my hand in life on the steps of a church. I feel within my spirit like Jesus, even though she’s gone physically she’s stilling holding on to the innocent(clean, pure) little girl at eleven hand who didn’t experience life yet and now that she did, she got dirty(reality of sin). When she’d passed unknowingly to me that day every thing I looked at had the image of a heart, from the clouds in the sky to the carving in a tree stump, sign on a car, markings in the road and it went on till I found out she passed. Just like her when she’d start out by telling me the truth, without holding anything back, “ you know how much I love you.”

Writing this is purifying, all I could do is cry when I remembered when. There’s no greater love than the love of a mother, spiritual guide on earth. I think writing about this is another way the Lord is reaching out to remind me who’s I am and the purpose for my life; for me not to loose faith even in a dark and unbalanced world right now, to know I am loved, protect, and guided, especially when the darkness begins to infest my heart, and mind. Bitterness and resentment wants to over power my entire being, clouding my path. The Lord has now pulled back the curtain of remembrance to place me once again on His path of righteousness, memory of goodness and not that of the present hopelessness, fearfulness and sufferings.

My knees begun to hurt so much as I continue on writing. And as I began to slightly rubbed them a flash back hit me. I find myself back at the church and every church we’d attended I saw myself pull out the kneeler for us to kneel and pray with no time limits and we’d prayed. I recall it being like forever because as a child we could never pray no more than a few minutes and the adults for hours it seems like. It truly was a wonderful experience as I had learned the discipline of prophecy(the dream), kneeling, praying and obedience to the will of God. As I look back at it all and my life today I could only feel this scripture in my spirit according to Philippians 1:6, And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns. “God is a faithful God, He will never start something and not finish it.” He’s not finished with me, my life will continue to be in His merciful hands.

This Mother’s Day, I weep for the lost of a tremendous Godmother, “Happy Mother’s Day, MaPearl! This is for you with much❤️”

I’ve been learning in the past few days to take back control of my emotions, feelings of uncontrollable hurt and pain. And for years it’s been happening to me because of pain I’ve lost control. My emotions whether physically or emotionally has always been a blockage to my ❤️‍🩹 healing. It’s a amazing that pain can be a ripple effect to all hidden emotions within. How many times have I told myself, “it hurts too much , I just can’t.”

I believe my guardian angel has been communicating with me, allowing me to see and feel his presence within my life so vividly, spiritually; naturally in dreams and vision. The Lord speaking to us subliminally in all our adversity, but we pay no attention to it because of all the world noises that drowns out His voice. Sin plays a great part of us being deaf to the voice of the Lord when emotions is running so high and out of control through trials and tribulations. It takes faithfulness in the Lord through tenacity, disciplined, and resilience to be healed and most of all your willingness through desperation and fatigue.

Medication doesn’t heal pain. All it does is control it for a time. The healing begins with faith and our mind( the way we think and perceive), through discipline and control that cures our pain. Medication to me only hypnotizes the body to believe the pain is gone when truly the pain remains because if you’re not consistent with the timing in taking it, the pain returns with a vengeance. The body itself begins to take control and start slowly to numb and ease the pain. Medication give us a kick start to control pain, not necessarily for us to depend totally on it, addicted. If you panic the pain gets worst, but if you’re remain calm and relaxed just breath in and out, you control how pain affects you.

Going through this at this time in my life as I’ve grown spiritually only encourages me to realize God is to be apart of every aspect of our lives. He’s there with us for the good and the bad. When things are good we praise Him and when things are bad we plead and wrestle with Him to deliver us. I’ve learned now instead of pleading and wrestling for deliverance I pray for the strength and faith for me to go through it knowing it will pass(be over) according to His will for me. I realize good doesn’t last long and neither does bad and in time both passes. From one moment to another taking turns one time it’s good and other time bad. We can have a good day and then bad they both exist together in our lives there’s no escaping it. The knowledge of good and evil can be to us a powerful tool when through God the wisdom, knowledge and understanding is utilized in our lives.

I wrote this because one night it was like every moment pain was just whipping me. That night I couldn’t sleep and all I did was succumb to the pain. I cried in silence, not wanting to awaken and alarm my husband I called out to the Lord to please make the pain stop. I was so desperate I almost wanted to overdose on the pain medication for the pain was so severe. I prayed every psalm I could remember without turning on the light to read my Bible, then I held on to my Rosary and began to pray the Rosary and before I know it I was asleep. Then I woke up and it was bright in the room the morning has come. I never prayed so hard for morning to come in my life so I could go to the hospital. But much to my surprise as I’d awoken, according to Psalm 30:5 “ weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning” literally the pain subsided completely. I knew it was God, so I prayed for Him to speak to me on what I must do to heal myself. The Lord answered my prayer and I began having dreams and vision most powerful.

The most amazing thing that happened to me was my physiotherapist who came to visit and begin therapy within the regulated time after surgery 5 to 10 days, couldn’t believe my progress. Trust me I couldn’t believe it myself seeing that I do have a chronic disease there’s no way without God could I be doing what I’ve been doing. 2 Corinthians 12:8-10 “ My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” “Praise Him, Hallelujah!”

When you have faith in the Most High God, it is the most supernatural power thing: you’re guided, protected from all evil seen and unseen, temptations, illnesses…in your life. I feel sorry for those who are lost and don’t know and for those who chooses not to.

Luke 1:38 (NIV) And Mary said, “ Behold the handmaiden of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word.”

Abraham may have been the friend of God and King David a man after God’s own heart. But Mother Mary was granted the highest honour, God’s spouse, mother of His son, mother of restoration and Queen Mother of all mother’s. Not just a baby mama, but the Lord’s Goddess, sovereigns and an example for all mothers to follow. It’s just ignorant to think any less of her.

Being a baby mother is not to be taken likely. From the actions of this a young virgin girl Mary, when asked by an angel of God to be the mother of His son, showed such maturity, intelligence and faithfulness in her response. When we take into consideration the honour, you’re chosen; called upon by God do a good work. And like Jesus life, death and resurrection in oneness and with the power and authority given by Him to be and to do the impossible. Everything about you is His light reflecting within you, when you walk, talk, move, do what you do…be what you’re being.

When concerning motherhood it is of vital importance to recognize that God himself according to the scriptures ask the permission of the woman and He’s her creator. God didn’t rape Mary, neither did he demanded it of her. It was Mary’s words as she response to being asked and her faithfulness to His calling on her life. Mary had the choice and she had chosen to except God’s will for her life.

When the devil tempted and succeeded in convincing Eve to eat from the forbidden fruit tree in the garden and give to her husband Adam also, it was as I consider it, rape of the innocent. He impregnated both Eve and Adam with seeds of unrighteousness, (sin). But through Mother Mary the Lord has reversed the curse of the seed to His intended righteousness for all humanity for all eternity. Notice that there was no longer Adam and Eve seed, like Cain and Abel one good and one bad. But only the seed of divinity was placed in Mary’s womb to wash away the seed of both Adam and Eve, even in Mary, herself. We see it as though Mary, flesh (sin) was mixed with Divinity, spirit (authority and powerful). But the truth is just as nothing but the blood of Jesus washes away sin when the Comforter, Holy Spirit, spirit of truth, when moves upon you and the power of the Highest overshadow you, you conceive. On that day of conception, restoration, renewing and transformation of the mind body and spirit begins, Mother’s. Mary wasn’t even afraid or concerned of the fact that she can be in big trouble (stoned to death) for being pregnant before marriage and the consummation of it to Joseph, being newly engaged.

Joseph, Mary engaged spouse at the time who she had no sexual relations, but yet was with child, represented the true meaning of helpmate, Genesis 2:18. Joseph entire existence with Mary and child is proof that the Lord moves in a mysterious way. It is not the seed of men we give birth to mother, but the seed of God. Mary was purified for all humanity by the birthing of Jesus in her womb she’s not the first or the last. It is an anointing that continues flowing upon us mother’s even today. We are destined to produce the kings, queens, prince and princesses for the kingdom of our Lord.

We don’t understand that like all other struggles of sin, abortion, murder, killings; death is all one thing of the same, it is the greatest power and principality we fight against in ignorance. Instead of looking to the Lord we lean to our own understanding. This battle is the Lord’s. Life and death is in the Lords hand, His will and control, but our choices to live according to His will, or our own, is in our hands. The consequences of our attitudes and actions like Adam and Eve, regardless, remember the Lord still take cares of us all. We do suffer not by His Will but the consequences of our choices. No one to blame but ourselves.

When our spirit is willing to except the divine will of the Lord to bring forth His children according to His Will and purpose for the world within our womb, we also like the Blessed Mother Mary, are blessed and highly favoured, Luke 1:28-38. For all mothers, like Mary are Goddesses pregnant with the Lords children. We are all Goddess, Queens, but I rather be called Empress like Mother Mary in her heavenly reign. What may seem impossible is possible with God, Luke 1:37 “ For with God nothing shall be impossible.”

Not every woman who give birth is a mother, just like not every man who has a child is a father. It takes a special anointing from God to be a mother. You can be barren and the Lord can still call you to be a mother. When anointed to be a mother you acknowledge with wisdom and understanding like Mother Mary that you are the mother of all children as the Lord is father of all.

It now less than twenty-four hours I just had bilateral knee surgery. And a flash back to my childhood occurred. I was remembering my granny teaching me to kneel down and say my prayers. I was only three years old and learnt to say “in the name of the Father Son and the Holy Spirit,” as I knelt on my knees besides the bed at my granny’s house. I’ve learnt from an very early age to humble myself before the Lord. My granny was one of the first as far as I can remember to teach myself and my siblings about the God. I recalled the first Bible my grandmother give us kids one day. It was a picture Bible as they called it back then. My favourite Bible story was when Jesus fed the five thousand with the little boys lunch consisting of five loaves and two fish, John 6:5-13. The picture illustration of the five loaves and two fish was very life like, I use to visualize myself there eating with Jesus and all the people.

Like my grandmother I myself teaches my grandchildren to pray. It’s always prayer time at my home, Joshua 24:15 “As for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.” We give thank and blessings our food before we began to eat, it’s preyer time when you rise up in the morning and before you go tho bed. From one lessons taught by a granny to another.

I’ve learned through the years as I’ve grown spiritually that many part of our bodies are under spiritual attacks unknowingly. Especially if you pray and fast a lot. I believe myself to be what is called a prayer warrior. On my knees is where I fight my battles, humbling before my Lord and saviour at His throne of grace and mercy and I never lost a battle. I put my plea before Him on my knees and He allows me to know He’s got me, the battle is His. “So I stand still and see His salvation in my life.”

Now the enemy wants to take a way my process of victory which is my knees. But I guarantee you devil, if I have to crawl on my belly to humble before the Lord, I will. Whatever it would take for me to reach my Lord, I shall. If not in the physical I know I can in the spiritual. So however the enemy tries to block you the Lord will make another way.

I know the healing of these knees is going to be a fight for me, but the Lord has this. Romans 8:28 “And we know all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” Psalm 30:5 “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.” And I am weeping now!