Sunday school had led me to believe that Jesus was lost when Mary and Joseph was on their way back to Nazareth from Jerusalem after celebrating Passover. It was a day on the path home they notice he wasn’t in their company travelling along with them; their relatives and friends. Jesus deliberately stayed behind. When they finally found him, he was in the temple and asked why were they so troubled like they should of some how have known he was going to stay behind, so they shouldn’t of been worried Luke 2:42–49.

It wasn’t about Jesus being lost, because he wasn’t lost, scriptures declared he stayed behind, willingly. His poor parents first encounter of what we called today puberty, Jesus maturing into his divinity, calling. Moving away from their nurturing, guidance and protection into the oneness with his Father. Any parents can identify with Mary and Joseph concern and fear over his disappearance. It’s a parent worst nightmare, after all he was their child regardless of his divinity. A natural parental instincts.

This was the first time anything concerning Jesus wasn’t declared to Mary and Joseph by the Guardian angel. Everything from his birth until then was told and explained to them, orchestrated by God himself for all their lives to work together in one accord for His purpose. They knew when to move and when was to stand still to protect Jesus from the powers and principalities, spiritual wickedness in high places in the world, (the devil) and all manner of his evil. Matthew 1:18-25 Joseph was afraid to marry Mary when he found out she was pregnant and in a dream the angel spoke to him and they had to fled to Egypt until King Herod had died, who wanted to kill the baby Jesus, Matthew 2:13. They were always told of impending danger.

Both Jesus parent, Mary and Joseph were being weaned off him in sense. Like a mother weaning her baby off her breast, teaching him or her to rely on solid food and bottle milk instead. I think of it more like letting go of that great desire to be so intimate and close. Being independent and self sufficient. Jesus flipped the script he was weaning them in his actions unknowingly, lol.

I could just imagine the profound impact on both Jesus and his parents in the realization of him being away from them, the emotional implications of their heart and mind. he must of come to the realization of how much it frightened and hurt them to think maybe something bad might of happened to him. When Jesus had replied to them in an nonchalant way it must of been the love that radiated through their question to him, filled his soul and awakened the emotional part of humanity within him, after all his is divinity manifested probably doesn’t understand there logic of them being so concerned. As God had blown the breath of life into humanity, both Mary and Joseph love for Jesus when finally found him and reconnected was like that same breath in the form of love and his human heart came baring it’s self to the forefront for the first time.

Keep in mind our child like innocence is gone once we’ve reached a certain age and for me I understand it to be at puberty, we start to transform to adolescent. Jesus was grown now, even from his parents and we can see it in his response. After all Luke 2:40 Says, the child grew and became strong; he was filled with wisdom, and the grace of God was on him.

Cambridge English Dictionary: Unable to move, or set in a particular position, place, or way of thinking. To have to deal with someone or something unpleasant because you have no choice or because no one else wants to. Unable to change a situation.

People on the outside makes it seem so easy to get loose,when you’re stuck physically or emotionally. Pain, whether physical or emotional is the greatest obstacle in our ability to get unstuck. It is there to continue to remind us we can’t get pass it, like the nagging voice of the enemy in your ear. It takes recognition of what’s happening in you and to you for you to break free. The mind is a powerful tool if you have control. We battle with the negative and positive in it. We are stuck whenever we lose energy, especially spiritual energy in your soul, so we feel drained, like our life force (spirit) is diminishing within. No one else but you have to find the mindset to break yourself free. People can be there to encourage and direct you in the form of counselling and teaching. The counselling and teaching is like water and you the seed in the ground to help you grow.

If we can’t fight to stand up to the enemy within ourselves, a breakthrough will be very difficult. For some Psychologically we don’t really want to be lose, because being lose means we must face reality, confront our fears. We are stuck at times because of negative forces. In our world there are opposition that comes up against. We exist in the negative and positive, good and evil, truth and lies, the sun and moon, day and the night, right and wrong, life and death…struggles.

Mental issues occur whenever opposition enters the soul. We were never meant to be stuck. But like wall of glass that is so clean and clear you walk right up against it like an unforeseen force. Tapping into our inner strength in the times of weak is vital to get lose, but it takes discipline of mind to enable us. You may look at others who make it seem easy. The truth is it can be very difficult to get free, because it takes time and a lot of determination. Like a thirst or hunger that’s how much you must want to get unstuck.

Don’t be fooled, everyone at one point in time or the other has experienced what’s it’s like to be stuck. When you have faith, a form of belief system in a higher power than yourself, being stuck is only temporary then faith can breaks you free.

Sometimes we want so desperately to be like others, wether it’s their looks, fame, fortune, intelligence, love life, children…and the list can just go on. Then there are also those who think of ourselves so highly that we’d like other to have the same mindset as ours to make the world a better place. We see ourselves as being so self righteous because consider ourselves to be so good: narcissists. And there are those who are humble and have consciousness of mind that love and wish everyone good in there lives. Those who will go out of their way to give help and support to all who are in need without wanting anything in return. And then there are those who can’t help but do wrong.

The truth is we are all individual with different personalities. God created us all this way to serve a purposes in this great and wonderful world he created. When I think of the fact, we are born to parent that the only similarities we have is based on our genetics to confirm we are related and for some resemblance. And even twins are not alike except for looks but they have different characteristics.

Whenever I think about humanity, like the story of Cinderella the shoe belongs to her and her alone, it wasn’t a one size fit all. We are all created according to Psalm 139:14 “fearfully and wonderfully made!”

The strangest thing happened to me for the first time ever I woke up with my bedroom door opened. Why is this strange? Well, I’ll never go to bed with my bedroom door open. I have security cameras, the whole works to keep my home protected and safe. It’s just my husband, two puppies and my sister that resides in it. The children are all grown up and on there own, thanks be to God. So there’s no reason for me to ever leave my bedroom door opened, or for it to open on its own. But this one particular morning with no one in the house besides myself my husband and the two dogs, I awoke to my bedroom door opened at five in the morning. I woke up my husband, asked if he’d opened it and with a groggy voice, he replied, “no hon” turn check the time and then decided to get up because the alarm was about to go off in a few minutes.

It was the day of my fasting and praying, so I decided I would pray for the discernment of what took place this morning. My husband being at work that morning, I spoke to him and said, “I can’t get what happened with the door being opened out my mind, and he responded, “it was weird.” I’d spent the morning just pondering in my spirit as I prayed. My prayers and fasting is where I should be meditating and drawing nearer to God, where the father and I become one. But instead my focus was on the door situation. I even thought to myself it must of been a ghost and laughed. Just before noon, I would take the doggies out for a bathroom run and I would feed them lunch (snacks) after they’ll take a nap whiles I pray, it’s routine. Trying to focus and begin my meditation, I heard a voice as if there was someone in the room with me say, “why must you only believe a door open means something had to come in? Sometimes a door opens for something to get out.” And right away it was like something touched me in my spirit and right away I knew what the voice meant and I was filled with the Holy Spirit. “God is so good, He hear and answer prayer. He knows what’s right for our well being, that’s the reason He’s worthy of our worship and praise.

After I thought to myself there’s was no way possible anything would of walked in my bedroom that could keep my two doggies sleeping so peacefully, I now understood, it had to have been the Lord. When you pray with sincerity of heart, the Lord do not pass you by, even when He’s on the way to the calls of others, He stops, because He’s heard your cries. We sometimes have to recognize an answer prayer may come in the form of a mystery from the Lord. There was a cup I prayed God would take from me and that morning was my testimony He had heard my prayers, “Hallelujah praise the Lord, He is worthy!”

When thinking of divinity in the womb we all can think of Mother Mary, Jesus mother. For Jesus was divinity in her womb. But I do find myself having to go back in time before Mother Mary. God to me was on a trial run to bring forth divinity through the womb of a woman. Sarah Abraham wife was the first, Samson mother… God started out with women who couldn’t conceive naturally with their husband, like John the Baptist mother Elizabeth then to the empty womb of a virgin who has never been with a man.

Elizabeth was six months pregnant when Mother Mary came to visit her and her baby leaped in her womb and she was filled with the Holy Spirit, Luke 1:36-41. And no, not as speculated by the theologians that Elizabeth baby was no longer living and the power Mother Mary was carrying brought the baby back to life. No where in the Bible can if be found that Elizabeth baby was not going to be born. The angel told Mary about her cousin Elizabeth pregnancy but never once mention it was going to die. Neither anywhere in the Bible it was found that Elizabeth was a prophetess, or her husband a prophet. Her husband Zechariah belonged to the priestly division was a priest and she a descendent. But the scriptures did mention in Luke 1:15 the baby will be filled with the Holy Spirit even before he was born.

They called John the Baptist a priest and and priest he was indeed to man, but he truly was the Lord prophet. Matthew 11:7-15 Jesus spoke about John, but let’s not forget these words spoken by Jesus, “What went you out in the wilderness to see? A reed shaken with the wind? But what went you out for to see? A man clothed in soft raiment? Behold they that wear soft clothing are in kings’ houses. But what went you out for to see? A prophet? Yes, I say unto you, and more than a prophet. For this is he, of whom it is written, “behold, I send my messenger before thy face, which shall prepare thy way before thee. “verily I say unto you, among them that are born of women there has not risen a greater than John the Baptist…”

Elizabeth had the greatest of prophet within her womb that overshadow her entire being, causing her to be filled with the Holy Spirit and to prophesied. The power of this divine baby, lite her up on fire with the Holy Spirit. He’s reason Mary was lead by the spirit to visit her. The angel Gabriel never told Mary to go to her cousin. Elizabeth remained in seclusion until Mary visited and her husband was silenced until the baby was born to give him his name. So it seemed like no one knew for sure of her pregnancy. Maybe Mary needed confirmation of what just happened with her encountering the angel and to bare witness to what was said about her cousin Elizabeth is the truth as unto what was said about her. Elizabeth was older so Mary may have needed her advice also on what to do about her now situation with Joseph and their engagement. Maybe she needed support, comfort because of being confused and even fearful on how to handle her blessing from the Lord. Elizabeth is now filled with such wisdom, knowledge and understanding as one who was ashamed for so long but now God has covered that shame in her old age and now Mary herself is going to probably walk in that shame if Joseph, family, friends even to acquaintances turns away from her.

Mary had obviously proven herself to be very faithful to God. She seemed very wise beyond her years as she’d spoken and questioned the angel and then said, “I am the Lord’s servant, do to me according to your word.” Luke 1:38 Unlike her cousin Elizabeth husband, a priest and an older gentleman who had been silent and not able to speak because of his unbelief to what was spoken to him by the angel Gabriel, who told him he was going to have a son and call him John, Luke 1:11-20.

Let’s just ponder for a moment on the abilities that fell upon Elizabeth whiles pregnant with John the Baptist. If that had happened to Elizabeth carrying the prophetic Divine Seed. When people try to convince themselves that Mary the mother of Jesus is not important because they truly believe to make it only about Jesus, “the devil is a liar!” Jesus didn’t come to stay, he had to die. Through Mary he came to infiltrate our spirit and flesh to rid us from the burden of sin, “Hallelujah praise Him!” Imagine the wonders Mary must been able to do, the dreams and visions she had, the communications with the Lord, she must of been surrounded by angels for protection and the list goes on endlessly…. Elizabeth and Mary, these two mother was game changer for women and mothers in the church as well as life itself, when we think of it. For this reason we can now understand the importance of the role that women have in life as equals to man, I rather say balance, the Lord has given to both. God truly is the only superior and submission is for them both, to one another. Why? Because Jesus death renewed the old ways. It was because of the woman Eve man had sin, and now because of the woman Mary the burden of sin has been lifted.

To every woman to whom the Lord blesses you with a seed in your womb remember to always read Luke 1:46-55. Take in to consideration that the Lord may have, like Mary, chosen you to carry a Divine Seed for His purpose. And in doing so, you also shall receive a blessing within you that will enable you to do great things. “To see you, will enable others to see the Father, because together you’ll become one!”

I had to begin to realize my well being has all to do with my state of mind, and the definition of what it is to be well physically as well as spiritually. For decades now I’ve had what is called a chronic disease that is so painful. I live my life with pain, pain so bad at times that it clouds your thoughts, judgment, memory, can’t stay focus, emotions are running high, and worst, mental issues.

Your goals, dreams and wishes may seems so ridiculous, when everyone else is aiming high for the stars you’re aiming low to grab yourself some dirt from on the ground, cause all you desire is to be pain free. Your expectations is warranted, but no one would be able to comprehend. People will look at you like, “what you’re playing, you look fine” with no physical attributes, your pain is not necessarily seen. Pain took me from being in the world but not of it. I isolated myself so I don’t have to explain myself all the time. And being a person who rather give than receive, and don’t like attention on myself, it began to be too much to try and fake it away. I will fight it in the dark until I can step out with the light. No one needs to know what I am going through, I refuse the attention and their sympathy.

I fought with the Lord, “why me?” Is this the thorn in my side like the Apostles Paul spoke about, 2 Corinthians 12: 6-7 “…lest any man should think of me above that which he sees me to be, or that he hears of me.”Verse 9-10 His strength will show strong in my weaknesses… I had for years, been trying to prove the devil a liar. I was not going to give into the pain and I fought so that everyone around me would see me going on in life like normal. No one was going be the spoke person in my life for the devil to guide me in in believing, with their sympathies, condolences, and helpful kindness, not even the doctor who diagnosed me I give into. I believe the doctor didn’t know what she’s talking about. If the Lord hadn’t disclosed it to me in a dream, whiles I prayed and fasted, not even one conformation by the Holy Spirit, family or friends the devil is a liar. After decades when all symptoms of truth appeared unexpectedly, I knew it was time, God’s timing. Crazy because now that I had gotten my mind truly right with the Lord, my faith unwavering in Him. Can’t believe now this happens, my mind is good and now my body is not.

There are days I just want to stop time so I can catch up and not miss out on things that’s important and going on, even though I do, it’s not by choice. How many times I went from I think I can, I am going to, and now I am and had to stop, smack right in the process of doing. Pain, emotional and physical it shows itself together, unified, one way or the other, can’t escape it. It took control making me face the fact that I’ll never be what is considered normal, but I desire desperately to have it.

If is through faith in God I found reasons to keep on moving through the tough season of my life. I’ll be honest, sometimes it’s not easy.

“The devil is a liar!” I was very apprehensive to get the Covid-19 vaccine. I was afraid that it will kill me. The thought of death, had me paralyze with fear when it came to being vaccinated. I didn’t want to think of nothing else. I could cared less about all the conspiracy theories, only one thing, “I just didn’t want to die.”

“I am not ready to go home,” as some of us Christians refer to death. “I have all the Faith needed, this disease would not kill me.” I didn’t believe I needed any vaccination, God will protect me. So ignorant was I. I have faith in God, but as quoted in the Bible, “vain is the help of man,” Psalm 60:11.

One day after watching the view with American actress author, comedian, television personality, Emmy, Grammy, Academy and Tony award winner, Whoopi Goldberg, who showed a picture of her getting her vaccine, inspired me want to go get vaccinated. In spite of my inspiration to go, I was still very much afraid. So I did what I always do for answers, walk and talk to the Lord. And when it felt like I was still conflicted fasting and praying always work.

One day out of the blue a thought came to my head. “If I truly believe in God why does death fear me, so much? If God is creater and is control, nothing is impossible with Him. If I have all Faith in Him, whether I live or die, why am I afraid? Why, isn’t my Faith to trust his will for me whether I live or die? My Faith is wavering, leaving way for the devil. In my mind I started picturing Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane and instead of Jesus it was me saying, “not my will, but your will Lord be done.”

Conviction of my spirit led me to understand that all sciences and technology, every accomplishment humanity has ever achieved was done according to the will of God. John 14:12 “Very truly I tell you, whoever believe in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father.” Sciences, technology…everything humanity intellectually are able to create to make our world a better place comes from God. The Bible, television, radio, video, movies, music, musical instruments,  air planes, helicopter, houses, churches, temples of worship, cars, cell phone, computer, education, medicine…

Medicines has saved my life on many occasions, with all sorts of trials and errors. But I believe I came this far in taking them and surviving, because the Lord has a plan for life, regardless of my fears. I realized it was easy to speak Faith, speaking it is like convincing yourself, when you feel you’re being tested and tried. Faith can sometime be very difficult especially when fear over takes you. Faith is meant to be constant not occasionally and convenient. 

When we believe in God, we got to believe in Him for every aspect of our lives and to truly know, He’s with us always. Keep fixated on the Lord. “If Jesus could use spit and mud to heal a blind man,John 9:6 what is a vaccine?” The man did everything Jesus told him to do to be able to receive his sight. He showed obedience in faith. The woman with the issue of blood, Mark 5:34, proved determination in faith. James 2:14-26, faith without works is dead, and there’s no shame in faith. Faith reveals the the miracle working power of God, as long as we believe to walk, in and by it.

I am proud to declare that I have received both my vaccine and I never felt better, not just naturally but spiritually. I’ve found myself just as determined with my faith like the woman with the issue of blood, “praise be to God.”

May 23, 2021 we celebrate the day of Pentecost, Acts 2 The Lord has poured out his spirit upon all flesh. It is the beginning of forever with the helper, comforter, truth barer…for all those who believes in Him, Jesus the Christ. The Holy Ghost, like the Armour of God according to Paul Ephesians 6:11-18.This gift from the Lord assures us we’ll never stand alone, he’s with us from beginning to end. And because it communicates in all languages means there’s no discrimination, it’s for all of humanity.

This love from God was meant to bring us up, not cause us to fall, to lift us high with all humility. The devil is a liar in convincing us otherwise. Pentecost is Jesus love he sent to us after he returned to heaven. His covering for our soul, the same love that led him to the cross and helped to fulfill destiny for us.

Pentecost is the continuation of the Lords good works on the behave of man. We celebrate as a reminder he’s still with us even today. Jesus had done all he can naturally in the physical. On the day of Pentecost was like the spiritual infusion to our soul. He lite us up with the fire of the Holy Spirit. And undeniably fear was gone, obstacles was removed, bold assurances entered, healing of broken heart… We then stood tall, picked up our crosses and began to follow him, Jesus. As the father was with him, now he’s with us.

Our intentions can lead us to lows when it comes to love. Like Jesus having to die on the cross, no different than the ones we love who’s broken our hearts in one way or the other. Jesus was determined to overcome the brokenness of his heart, “ crucify him, crucify him” yelled by the very ones he loves and came to save, whom has chosen to set a murderer free instead of him, an innocent man, Matthew 27:17-23. The love Jesus has for us carried him to Calvary and lifted him off the cross to resurrection. Nothing was going to hold him back or down for such a purpose. His love is the manifestation of the Holy Spirit that continues to cover us in spite of the pain of our failures, always helping us in maintaining truth and faith. We must believe that love led him to the cross, to be brought low, only to be lifted high.

The fear that love can bring, heart aches by ingratitude, disappointment, hurt and pain, brokenness of your soul that leads to depression by the ones you hold so dear in your entire being is suicidal to the spirit. How can you truly overcome, other than dying to that pain called sin. Resurrected into a newness of Jesus unconditional love, his lifted up love that takes the brokenness and all the pain away, numbing the emotions, causing it to exist regardless, but allowing love to conquer and remain.

The Holy Spirit is the love of Christ that remained to constantly remind us he’s not far away, always with us. It takes away the fears and fills us with the newness of Christ. We no longer have to wonder what to do or be worried and fearful. He’s in control and shall lead and guide us in all truth and spiritual wholeness. The Lords will be done regardless if fear takes control, the Holy Spirit is the comforter, our resting place of Christ in us, so we’re never have to feel alone or afraid any more. The pain, suffering and death so petrifying, Christ took upon himself for us. He covers us with the covering of peace and love which passes all understanding through the power of the Holy Spirit. Sin can no longer have dominion over our soul.

Pentecost is not just a day, it continues throughout all generations, the inextinguishable power of the Lord working through us. This is the baptism of the fire and Holy Spirit John spoke about concerning Jesus, Matthew 3:11.

A wick, wax and fire, three in one and one in three. And the candle becomes the light in the darkness.

I was told that I am an Earth Angel. But with all humility, I couldn’t perceive myself as such, for the simple reason, my understanding of what defines an Earth Angel is nothing as I could envision myself as. My first thought is they must be beautiful inside and out, which I don’t consider myself and I am lacking the criteria for such a calling starting with the discipline of truly fulfilling the will of God, I am always fearful. I do have a wonderful relationship with God, and he knows I’ve got serious issues.

It is said that angels doesn’t have free will like humanity does. But for some reason I choose to differ. Think for a moment, then what happened to Satan, wasn’t he an angel too? And he made a choice when he interfered with God’s creation, man. He cause the fall of man by tempting and causing them to disobey God.

I see myself more like the candle, created by God’s own hands like the potter and clay, Jeremiah 18. The candle signifies the light and the light is God. My flesh is the wax that melts away with the power, the heat, the presence of God the more I draw closer to him. The spirit within grows stronger and more powerful through the obedience to the will of God. I look at it as, before Jesus came it was the potter and clay, the clay as representing the earth and now because of him all who believe and follow him becomes the the light, his light best represent the candle, which is the spirit.

An angel, I don’t consider myself worthy, but to walk in his light and follow him, much easy. After all he understand my weaknesses and it’s not my light, but his light that’s within, being created in his image and likeness.

All the time we thought ourselves to be living and enjoying our best life as we understood it to be. In all honesty we were really just going through emotions of expectations of society derived from traditions we consider as being normal. Reality is, our norms, traditions has now be abolished and it scares the hell out of us. Not everyone likes change and we are now going through drastic change.

We speak about authenticity of oneself, “keeping it one hundred.” The truth is, we’re are born and then we die, and of all things to keep a hundred, is this fact. Our authenticity can be difficult because can be conflicted due to the pressures of life and society. Sometimes we have no other choice but to conform to an ever changing world and our life.

The pandemic is the awaken to the fact that Jesus is returning. Simply because, like in the movies when we see a drastic scene in slow motion so we can see exactly what’s taken place before our eyes, no mistakes or probabilities. It is slow down so we can take a very good look at the intricate details of what’s happening. This is what the pandemic has brought to us about life. And instead of it truly opening our eyes, mind and heart with faith, to all the repetition of evil we seems to continue to do, it inflamed our negative emotions. We didn’t give the opportunity to allow God in, we have given over to the devil. We’re blocking the process of the Holy Spirit work within, by our behaviour in not resisting the negative forces. Things are getting really bad and out of hand. God’s presence is felt and seen whenever humanity is at a brink of destruction. For those who have eyes to see and ears to hear.

We are a bunch of angry and bitter individuals. Over stimulation of negative emotions has fallen upon us. Why would we be hateful to others because of race, gender, sexual orientation, religion, social injustice… God doesn’t make mistakes, but we do! Everything and everyone has a purpose. Being human, as to say, there’s always a glitch in our system, and it’s call the flesh, which is vulnerable to negativity. We’re all feeling something very powerful going on today and it’s effecting all humanity.

Influences to our negativity are things such as money, next to the devil is our greatest temptation. We’d do anything for it, especially in the world today, it’s our God. Who needs God when having, money can make certain people feel empowered that they believe themselves to be all powerful having money to provide whatever and do whatever. Sex, trafficking, prostitution, adults, children, addictions… God created making love for simply that “love” and to procreate, not to hurt and destroy lives. Marriages, children, family has become our check list of our accomplishments instead of our true purpose according to the will of God. And as for family, many people are having a hard time remembering the true meaning, there’s way too many divisions. “You are your brother’s keeper.” Selfishness, narcissism, mental illness…is the demons we’re battling. We’re losing sight of who we are the more we drift away from God.

Everything in the dark has now come to light, no stone is unturned, just turn on the internet, social media is on blast. Revelation has been unfolding and is now coming to fruition. Nothing is hidden or lost that can’t be found, or a mystery that cannot be solved. We are even seeing through the third eye, which has become tangible, a camera and video. The things that once was unseen by the naked eyes can now be seen through these devises. Science and God has become one. There’s a life, like another world that people are living that is unconscionable and so many of us were unaware. For us who are living the good life as we consider it to be, we’re in our safe place, but there are those who are in a hard place and for us all, God is concerned.

How well learnt are we? We are given the word, the knowledge of obedience to the will of God and its consequences. But it seems like we’re stuck and still lost in sin. Jesus is coming once again because of the summons of our cry, a cry of desperation, hopeless, and suicide. We’ve come a long way to be getting off track, definitely we are completely off.

Like the vaccine for Covid, how badly do we want things to reopen, hug your loved ones, travel and do all things we once took for granted? Then take the vaccine! It the only way, regardless of whatever conspiracy theories. This is the same when being obedient to the will of God, if we want our world to be a better place and go to heaven when you die, we must do what it takes. It is our stubbornness and disobedience that bring about the problem we face in life.