Exodus 4:11-13 The Lord said to him, “who gave human beings their mouths? Who makes them deaf or mute? Who gives them sight or makes them blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.” But Moses said, “Pardon your servant, Lord. Please send someone else.”

Like Moses, I truly feel the same way, “pardon your servant, Lord. Please send someone else.” So many people would wish for such thing, but when you’ve experienced the evil of the devil…And it’s not just because I don’t know who God is in my life, but I am a sinner, born into sin as scriptures declares. Wanting to be this perfect person to represent anything to do with the Lord. Afraid of my sins being revealed knowing the devil is always a ready. Understanding God doesn’t put us in Judgment of one another sins, but to help lead others out from sin, as he also led us. I may not have found myself worthy to do what the Lord has asked of me, but I sure wanted to be worthy of being delivered from my sin, and not go hell. Only then, I truly understood what he was asking of me to do. Sometimes we’ve got to understand it’s not always about me/I, being selfish, but selfless. We often forget who God is, by try to challenge him. If only Adam and Eve had challenged the devil when it came to eating the forbidden fruit as we challenge God, we wouldn’t be in this predicament. “When God is calling answer and be obedient.”

Vision: As I stood waiting on the sea shore at the arrival of the boat, as they draw nearer and begun to anchor it for me board a stranger approached to me and whispered in my ear, “Captain” what do you mean? I asked, but He then vanished. I thought it crazy for I knew nothing about being a captain. All I knew is to row a boat and be a passenger in it. Navigate, row and anchor the boat, “how hard can it be, if that’s all to it,” so I thought to myself. Didn’t anticipate a storm, wasn’t prepared for it. The storm was the darkness I was afraid to confront. “Not by sight, but by faith,”echoed in my thoughts. I prayed, “come Holy Spirit, teach, lead and guide me, for I need you now more than ever.”

Learning to confront struggles takes faith being the light needed,to get through darkest moments in the storm, like the boat being destroyed and lives lost. The sea wasn’t friendly, it became an enemy to fight against. It all started off so calm, but like life, the waves beat upon the boat trying to take it under and the thunder and lightening was so loud it penetrated my soul with fear. I cried out, “Jesus help me, please. Sorry for being naive, believing it would be easy.”But according to Psalm 124:1 If it had not been the Lord who was on our side, I got through it. “Nothing is ever easy in our own strength when it comes to fulfilling Gods will and purpose for our lives.”

Can’t believe the Lord after all these years of giving me a responsibility that I allowed the enemy dominion using fear to prevent me from fulfilling. But still He granted me favour even though I don’t feel worthy. I’ve been isolated, isolated because of fear and with it came bitterness, unworthiness, resentment, doubt, hopelessness…most of all disobedience, finding myself petrified to do what the Lord asked of me. It is hard to serve the Lord in a sinful word, with a devil always after you. In my isolation I had learned to understand the moving of the Lord in my life without the help of any man as the Lord showed Himself to me to be the only one I need. Finally acknowledging all the glory, honour, worship and praise belongs to God and God alone for it is He, to whom all things are possible. The Creator, whom with all power and authority over everything has blessed me with knowledge, wisdom and understanding to recognize his presence within, above, beneath, and surrounding me. I can finally discern His presence in others and to recognize the adversary the devil presence, especially when possessing someone who’s after me filled with hate for no reason. I could of asked the Lord to make me rich and famous, but that would only be ignorant after all I’ve been through walking with Him. My fruitfulness, blessings and favour is all in my obedience to Him. Psalm 23:1 “The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. Matthew 6:33 “seek first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you.”

Another vision and explanation: I saw Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane, Jesus in the wilderness for forty days being tempted by the devil and then Jesus on the cross. Why the vision? There are three meanings behind the vision beginning with Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane: some consider this the place of pressing, like the oil press. The garden of Eden foreshadow the garden of Gethsemane because sin began in a garden with disobedience and now it ended in a garden with obedience. Like Eve, a woman disobedience when ate from the forbidden fruit tree, caused us to fall and Mother Mary of our saviour Jesus, a woman of obedience, who said yes to the angel to give birth to him, caused us to rise again. Jesus unlike Adam was able to overcome the the weaknesses of the soul, being obedient to the will of the Father. The garden of Gethsemane is the battleground for the soul of us all through Jesus. A testifying of the victory over free will to the submission to the will of God. To me it was like being back in the garden of Eden, being consumed with the fear, doubts and hopelessness awakened in Adam and Eve after eating the forbidden fruit and the hurt the Father felt when having to to put them out the garden. Jesus had a fight to enter the garden of Eden as the man Jesus. It says that his sweat was like drops of blood it was His soul not flesh being pierced by the flaming sword as he entered in with humility and submission to the Father. He had entered the spiritual realm carrying onto himself every human emotions to overcome it. Luke 22:44 And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.

Jesus in the wilderness: the wilderness is to purify and renew the spirit within man. The wilderness is the place of isolation, brokenness, and vulnerability where we wholeheartedly put all faith and trust in the Lord to lead and guide us, resisting all temptations that may come our way and to be anchored in the Heavenly Father to overcome all our human frailty and bondage of sin that we may press forward to the calling of the Lord on our lives.

Jesus on the cross: the cross is the place of authority, power and control over sin. Jesus stripped off the garments of skin God made to clothed Adam and Eve when found naked after eating the forbidden fruit, Genesis 3:21. Jesus replaced the garments symbolically with His blood(spirit). It’s the place humanity in Christ was heightened and healed from the breaking of the strong hold of sin within man that only the sacrifice of all God and a drop of man, God in man, taking our sin upon himself to eradicate it, can accomplish such a task. God wanted us to have a permanent fix. Salvation couldn’t be done anymore by the sacrificing of animals, but by son of God. Before Jesus even went to the cross to fulfill him mission the Father declared, “this is my son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased,” Matthew 3:17. God knew our salvation was already done from that moment. So it was no surprise in the Garden of Gethsemane, though it seems so emotional and painful, it was love, unconditional love, being poured out of Jesus for the sorrow, broken heart, and hopelessness he felt for man, whom he recognized truly needed a saviour. Even after all the disciples had witnessed, been taught, and shown secretly…they still couldn’t be anchored in faith to sustain themselves. He said to them to watch and pray, that they enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is will, but the flesh is weak, they fell asleep leaving Jesus to fight alone for them, Matthew 26:40-45.

Jesus completed seven important tasks(sayings) at the cross for us to meditate on before he died. 1: At the cross Jesus cries out, “forgive them Father for they know not what they do, Luke 23:34 2: I thirst, John 19:28. 3: My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?Matthew 27:46. 4: Father into thy hands I commend my spirit.” Luke 23:46 He was still working making things right up to the last moment of his life. 5: He told one of to the two men that hung next to him who asked, “today shalt thou be with me in paradise, Luke 23:43. 6: His Mother Mary, “ woman, behold thy son! Behold, thy mother!John 19:26-27 7: It is finished, John 19:30. Not in the right chronological order, but you get what I mean. Seven is the number of completion and with all Jesus said and done on the cross, all humanity was in completion for transformation in restoration and renewal through his death and resurrection.

Our worthiness is predicated on God and God alone when chosen. We don’t have to be afraid or to find excuses such as unworthiness…to do what God has called us to do. “With a humble heart, like Mother Mary, say to the Lord, “be it unto me according to thy word,” Luke 1:38. Jesus has done all the hard work for us already. We are called to empty ourselves, and it’s our choice to submit willingly to God and be filled, protected and guided by the Holy Ghost to fulfill the will and purpose of the Father, like Jesus. It’s no longer an animal skin to cover our nakedness, (shame) Adam and Eve. Our shame is not what God had required of us, it was obedience. Now once again through the life death and resurrection of Jesus our saviour are we blinded to our shame in which was disclosed through our disobedience in the eating of the forbidden fruit. But now sighted in faith; fixated only on the things pertaining to our Heavenly Father. “Yes!” The devil would try with you, but once you’re under the covering of the Almighty, he can’t touch you. He will shake and break many things around you to try to get at your soul and distract you, but know the Lord will keep you covered. You’ll only realize what happened that could have killed or hurt you deeply, after it had fully passed, but had no effect on you or your loved ones.