I sat one day contemplating on my disobedience to the Lord and the consequences to my actions; suffering physically and mentally as I cried and pleaded to God for His forgiveness. Sometimes we believe it’s all about the devil attacking us when it’s we ourselves, due to disobedience to God for our own protection, giving way for the devil to enter in. God allowed me to search within my spirit as to what caused my disobedience. I recognized it was fear; fear of man and what they’d think of me concerning what I was called to do. When God didn’t give us a spirit of fear, 2Timothy 1:7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. My insecurities of believing I was not good enough, and who am I that the Lord sees it fit to call me. I’m a nobody, uneducated…like Moses who said, “ I’m a man of slow speech.” Giving myself and God an excuse, as to why I am not capable of doing what he called me to.

When I first got my calling, I was steadfast and powerful in His authority and then the devil bit me where it affected my soul: my loved ones. The venom was very poisonous. Being close to physical death, instead I suffered a spiritual death, I believed, at that time. What I had thought was a punishment from God, believing God has withdrawn His power of authority, guidance and protection, was God placing me like Jonah in the whale belly. I had to come out of this knowing who God is and will always be in my life. The power of authority, guidance and protection that no other but Him the creator of my being, lover of my soul who has pulled me out of all kind of evil, nurtured and healed me back to life in an isolated place. God is and will always be in control of every aspect of my life, whether I’m kicking and screaming, calm or just resisting Him, Learning to trust, not my will, but His will be done!

I was lead by the Holy Spirit to find in the Bible and where Jesus was preparing and teaching the twelve disciples how to serve in the kingdom of God. And with a stern disciplined voice I heard “write out everything you’ve learned.” So I wrote, First: I learned Matthew 4:19 “come follow me I will make you fisher of man.” Second: Matthew 10:16 “sending you out as sheep in the midst of wolves.” Third: Matthew 17:20 “Faith the size of a mustard seed.” Forth: John 13:1-17 “Jesus washes the feet of the disciples.” and Fifth: Jesus says, “if you love me, feed my sheep.” I meditate day and night in prayer on what this could mean. In my spirit one day as I was praying the Rosary which I’ve done daily five times, sometimes more when I’m fasting, for the last twenty-eight years ever since I had an encounter with the Blessed Mother. I heard a voice said, make this your fifth mystery to meditate on in helping you to serve without fear. My heart was overwhelmed as my spirit rejoiced. I couldn’t help but believe from that moment on something good was going to happen. I thought of calling it the provocation to serve mystery, stewardship, reconciliation through service…mystery and then one day I heard it clear as can be a voice that said, “it’s a mystery that should be defined by one word.” And it made sense because it wasn’t anchored within my spirit. One Sunday morning as I woke up getting ready for Sunday service, I looked up on Google “what’s another word for service?” and Servitude showed up boldly. I felt in my spirit, it was the right word/name to be used.

Everyone of these five mysteries is so important. But the two that resonates within my soul to strength me is the second mystery: Matthew 10: 16-40 “I am sending you out like sheep among wolves.” It gives me such fresh courage because I know that God has me covered. Nothing I do is within my own power or strength; neither will I suffer through any evil without His protection and guidance, because I will. I have no fear now, especially concerning those that I love. Matthew 10:21-22 “Brother will betray brother to death, and father his child; children will rebel against their parents and have them put to death. Verse 22 You will be hated by everyone because of me, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved. I didn’t stand firm in my mission, but I stood firm in my faith regardless. I didn’t ever stop crying out and praying to the God of glory, faith, joy, hope and peace. It took a long time, but I have reached the place of His restoration a new beginning in Him the one who died that I may have life in a new beginning through Him, Jesus. How? By the third Servitude mystery I was given: Matthew 17:20 “ Faith as small as a mustard seed, you can move mountain.” And my faith is in Him, Jesus my salvation and intercessor, who knows who I am.

The Servitude Mystery, is for me in my disobedience that is now share with you. Like me, have you been disobedient? For those who would once be my greatest adversaries sent by Satan, “who do I think I am?” For once in my life I can now answer with bold assurance in the acknowledgement and understanding and now know, “I am a child of God, rooted and grounded in Him. I may stand strong today and tomorrow stumble and fall, “He, my God! Has proven that regardless, He’ll always be with me, lifting me up.” The times that I’m at my weakest, His strength is made strong in me to overcome.”

I am nondenominational, not Catholic, but why the Rosary? The Rosary is not just for the Catholic, even though they’re the only ones known for praying it. The Rosary is about Jesus, giving you wisdom and understanding. There was a time I questioned and resented the Rosary as I was taught to be ignorant against, ‘why the Rosary and the Blessed Mother Mary?’ While on a retreat she revealed herself to me in my ignorance towards her, acknowledging to me that she was me, “woman” worthy to be in God’s presence and to do His work that He called me to and like her to say, “do to me according to thy word.” The Rosary is for all humanity, especially women because like Mary being faith in Him can lead you to be called highly favoured and blessed to bring forth His will.

Praying the Rosary for decades has empowered me as a woman of faith, and my love for all humanity has grown with such wisdom, knowledge and understanding. When Jesus said to his mother Mary, “behold your son” and to the disciple, “behold your mother.” If she was a good enough and faithful in the sight of God to be chosen to the mother His only begotten son, the salvation for all of humanity, she’s good enough to be mother of all God’s children.

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