“You’re a good child!” No one is good except God! It says so in the Bible, Mark 10:18 But this keeps on echoing in my mind and heart every time especially in distress. Her voice reverberated within my spirit whenever the tears began to fall and my spirit is broken. Like a guardian angel she’s continually working in my life to be a guiding light for me in times of darkness. “ Thank you Lord!”

I was eleven years old and she chose me out of eight siblings like Joseph with the cloak of many colours chosen by God and loved deeply by his father. I thought to myself, “what did she see in me?” I was the only one willing to go help her clean, cook, bake anything she needed help with, even to looking after her granddaughter. At the age of ten when I was first invited into her home to help with some chores, she had became a Godsend to my life. The only true Godmother I ever had and known. Treated me with much motherly love, nurturing and took me in as another daughter, which she already had, and her only child. She treated me like I was of her own flesh and blood. Many times she’d ask my dad to give me to her, she wanted to adopt me, seriously as her own.

I lived with my dad, stepmother and other siblings at the time. Didn’t know my biological mother, she left when I was a baby. My father had a lot of children and mistresses. I have a lot of half brothers and sisters (different mothers same father). This most special person in my life took me to church, was my best friend and confidant. She was always promising to bake my cake when I get married, like she knew something about my life, not even myself could even imagined. She was the one who took me in and nurtured me to good health after having my first child by c-section. She always told me the truth even if it hurt. She’d start off by saying, “you know how much I love you,” and right away I knew I was in trouble, lol.

Today for some reason as I looked at my scared knees the tears ran warm down my cheeks remembering her love and my love for her, “may she Rest In Peace.” She went home to the Heavenly Father eight months ago and it’s disheartening to think it’s because of her faithfulness to God to secretly take an eleven years old girl to seven churches and pray over my life as she was told in a dream one night, now she’s gone. The thought of never having what we had as friends, mother daughter love, and confidant which changed my life completely for so much better, greater things I could ever dream of especially with God. She finished what my grandmother started in me with faith. Upon her being obedient to the Holy Spirit, I never forget when she told me not to tell my dad or anyone what she was about to do, but she did asked his permission for me go out with her early that morning. She told me we had to get to seven churches before they closed. We traveled by bus, train and taxi to get to these churches. We made it to only six of the seven churches because the last had closed at 4pm, we were late. I remember we both sat on the steps as she held my hands and cried, “Lord Jesus I didn’t know they closed so early.” With the tears running down her face and it was then, only then had I realized the importance of what she secretly had to have been doing for my life. Her crying made me cry. She then gather her composure after a few minutes got up and said, “ child, the Lord knows best.”

My dad never attend church because he always said he’s not of any religion, nether are we his children. He always said to me we are high priestess and priest of the Melchizedek order, I am not to follow any religion. He says religion is limited and it cannot contains all the powers of God. He also spoke of us being scientists and astrologists in the spirit. My dad would say what I had considered crazy things that didn’t make much sense to me. I would just say to myself each time he’d spoken about these things, “dad has a great imagination these things aren’t real or even possible.” I was only nine years old at the time living with my dad for the first time in my life, when he started as he called it programming me, lol with his nonsense. The same nonsense I myself believe my children must be saying about me when I begin to speak the things of God to them.

I often thought to myself, “what would my life had been like if this woman, a stranger, my neighbour, ‘yes,’ that’s how we started out to be, and now my Godmother had not been obedient to God according to her dream.” After loosing two of my sibling and everything that had happened to me in my life I’ve survived when truly I should be dead or mentally insane. She was a stranger that took me in and now I know it was God. All my siblings and I lived in the same place had the same encounters with this woman as did I, but her dream was for me, “Thank you Lord!”

I had the love of my dad and my dad loved me so, may he also “Rest in Peace.” His love causing siblings rivalry among brothers and sisters towards me, that how bad it’s been. Like the story of Joseph and his father Jacob giving him the coat of many colours, Genesis 37. I had so long for the love of a mother and God sent MaPearl as she was called by the community of all who knew her. It was a shock and surprise to her daughter when I told her what her mom had done for my life over some forty years ago. It was an invitation to MaPearl Ninety Birthday celebration when I came clean to the secret between us to her daughter and told her we swore to have keep it a secret and now that she had dementia I wanted to let her know how much her mom meant to me before she passes away. Three years after her birthday celebration she’d passed.

“That one church we didn’t make it to, the one that the Lord knows best, must be when I get to heaven to be with her I thought.” On the six day God had completed His work and rested on the seventh. A sincerely devoted, faithful servant, and God fearing woman held on to my hand in life on the steps of a church. I feel within my spirit like Jesus, even though she’s gone physically she’s stilling holding on to the innocent(clean, pure) little girl at eleven hand who didn’t experience life yet and now that she did, she got dirty(reality of sin). When she’d passed unknowingly to me that day every thing I looked at had the image of a heart, from the clouds in the sky to the carving in a tree stump, sign on a car, markings in the road and it went on till I found out she passed. Just like her when she’d start out by telling me the truth, without holding anything back, “ you know how much I love you.”

Writing this is purifying, all I could do is cry when I remembered when. There’s no greater love than the love of a mother, spiritual guide on earth. I think writing about this is another way the Lord is reaching out to remind me who’s I am and the purpose for my life; for me not to loose faith even in a dark and unbalanced world right now, to know I am loved, protect, and guided, especially when the darkness begins to infest my heart, and mind. Bitterness and resentment wants to over power my entire being, clouding my path. The Lord has now pulled back the curtain of remembrance to place me once again on His path of righteousness, memory of goodness and not that of the present hopelessness, fearfulness and sufferings.

My knees begun to hurt so much as I continue on writing. And as I began to slightly rubbed them a flash back hit me. I find myself back at the church and every church we’d attended I saw myself pull out the kneeler for us to kneel and pray with no time limits and we’d prayed. I recall it being like forever because as a child we could never pray no more than a few minutes and the adults for hours it seems like. It truly was a wonderful experience as I had learned the discipline of prophecy(the dream), kneeling, praying and obedience to the will of God. As I look back at it all and my life today I could only feel this scripture in my spirit according to Philippians 1:6, And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns. “God is a faithful God, He will never start something and not finish it.” He’s not finished with me, my life will continue to be in His merciful hands.

This Mother’s Day, I weep for the lost of a tremendous Godmother, “Happy Mother’s Day, MaPearl! This is for you with much❤️”