God the Father, Son and the Holy Spirit, three in one and one in three. To me God can be many, but still considered one. God can come down to meet us on many levels as His dear children. There are times I consider him my Father, Mother and Friend. Friend because I can speak to him without filtering what I want to say, just being myself and there are times I speak to God as my sovereign Lord. Sovereign because He is to be honoured and respected to the highest above all else in this world.

Sometimes we give to much authority over to a world that truly belongs to the Lord. We shouldn’t be separating the world and God. All has changed after the resurrection of our Lord and saviour Jesus. The change, if we truly understand it to be has already taken place. Jesus says, if we have faith as small as a mustered seed, we can tell the mountains to move and it will, Matthew 17:20. Where’s our faith? We’re waiting on God and the Lord is wait on us. We’ve been equipped to fulfill Jesus will for all of humanity until His return. “What are we waiting for?” We are to be preparing the way for Him to return. John the Baptist isn’t coming again.

All night like Jacob I’ve been wrestling with God, “why Lord, why!” No matter how faithful one can be with God there’s always a time in the deepest and darkest moments of your life where your faith is being tested to see how well learnt are you in the things pertaining to the Will of God. Jacob, Moses and the prodigal son, they all had to come to themselves in knowing the path the Lord had chosen out for them. They had to surrender and return to the Father. There’s no playing around with the Lord when He has chosen you for a His purpose, like Paul on his way to Damascus. And I myself had to learn this lesson.

Matthew 6:33 “But seek first the Kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” But I did it my way, and can’t understand why the Lord is not in my favour? For doing things our way the Bible says the Lord will say, “depart from me for I know you not,” Matthew 7:21-23. I suffered myself needlessly, for my own stubbornness. Always trying to work around whatever the Lord tells me to do. Thank the Lord for His understanding and patience. Sometimes we got to understand and be thankful the Lord ain’t nothing like man(us human beings). His ways aren’t anything like ours, “Isaiah 55:8.

With bold assurance I could say I’ve sinned and come short of the glory of God. Given myself excuses why I can’t fulfill His will in my life, even to point out those who ain’t as faithful like myself. In the Bible when Jesus teaches his disciples the parable of the Pharisee and the tax collector, “Luke 18:9-14.” So self righteous, I often exalted myself for my fasting, praying, compassion, mercy, forgiveness…for my fellow man. I believe myself to be all that and a bag of chip, lol. Come on now, I am honest with God. When everyone else wait to fast and pray for traditional( New Years) and seasonal reason(Lent) often times I move with the flow and then beyond depending on the circumstances for everyone and everything going on in our world. I pray every three hours day and night. I believe for my humility, love, consideration and consciousness of treatment towards others, I should be blessed above all measures, God owes me. “Lord haven’t I been good enough for you?” All kind of question I would throw at the Lord in my tantrums and anguish. Then I would say, “ Lord some of your people are ungrateful and just down right hateful and disgusting don’t ask me to deal with them please.” So I’d refuse. I told the Lord He has to unchanged my heart and mind which is easily broken. You see the warrior He created me to be wants nothing more than to destroy evil people with no mercy.

I believe myself to be unworthy of the Lord call on my life. Don’t know how Jesus could of taken all the emotional and physical pain and still was able to say, “forgive them for they know not what they do.” Sorry, but I show no qualities of Jesus here, I believe if I could know and I consider myself not all that intelligent, they definitely have no excuses everything is now accessible on the social media, the truth is out there for the world to be knowledgeable about. The devil is a liar!

My patience has run out and so is my mercy. The Lord said forgive seventy times seven, Matthew 18:21-22. I wrestle with the Lord I’ve given them more than seventy times seven, but still they harden their hearts and minds, what then shall I do with such people? Literally my body is broken because of sin. I am in pain constantly because all this anguish has taken its toll on my life.

The Lord always send us to people some what like ourselves to draw them to Him. They are true reflections of who we are. I don’t consider myself hateful and cruel though, I love to loved, but can’t take cruelty and hate for my love. I am stubborn, I must confess, but it’s due to fear, rejection and being hated for my calling. People can be so cruel. And I truly understand only God can love them unconditionally, sorry but I can’t, not when they are so cruel and hateful. But each time the Lord wants me to understand, be wise and knowledgeable, Romans 8:28 “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to His purpose. All I can say is, “but sometimes it hurts so bad.”