John 12:24 Jesus said, “ very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. All his life Jesus knew and understood his purpose for coming into the world, humanity. And though he himself was born to humanity through a virgin woman by divine conception, Jesus recognized and understood the conflict between flesh and spirit. From the day man ate of the forbidden tree of good and evil according to the Bible, we’ll surly die. And to think of it, it’s a good thing for us who are born into sin to die, just think of living with it for eternity. Sin though consequences of disobedience stopped eternity from happening the way God had planned it for man. Imagine, Heaven was going to be our forever home. Jesus purpose and desire was to reconcile humanity back to God. We have all strayed so far from the Lord through sin, and got in tangle with it, that it became part of our nature and the norms for our lives, which was never God’s intention for us. We should have been a hundred percent spiritual, but satan, that wicked serpent in the garden.

Jesus, our saviour, redeemer, bread of life, Lord, creator, son of the living God, only begotten son, Holy one of Israel, wonderful counsellor, the mighty God, the everlasting Father, Prince of peace, king of king, alpha and omega, master, king of the Jews, high priest, prophet, teacher, Emmanuel, our advocate, meditator, judge, chief cornerstone, author and finisher of our faith, lamb of God, good shepherd, the word, fountain of living water, rock, messiah, true vine, bridegroom, the lion of the tribe of Judah, bright and morning star, image of God, son of man, carpenter, the way, truth and the life, king of Israel, Christ…So wonderful a name and divinity!

I woke up this morning thinking to myself, what it must of had been like for Jesus. What was his thoughts especially after the age of twelve when he realized, he must be about his Father’s business. Not only did he become a young man, but having such a great responsibility at the age of twelve. I couldn’t help, but imagine all kind of scenario happening in his childhood, adolescent and adulthood. Was other children mean to him, was he always in control of his divine power, was he constantly being tormented by evil forces, did he have other ambitions and desires besides humanity on his mind constantly, was he shy, did he have a lot of friends, experienced every kind of human nature within and without, and was he self discipline with his divinity, truly knowing who he is?

I felt in my spirit that Jesus being called lost and then found in the temple Luke 2:41-52, was not about him, but his earthly parents Mary and Joseph. They were lost, and maybe confused, because for the first time Jesus was absence from their presence without a warning. All Jesus life they were guided by the angel about all things concerning him. I could vision Mother Mary like myself as a mother would do, drop to my knees praying to God, “please Lord, I am so sorry, I’ve lost my child Jesus, lead me to find him. You trusted me for his care and now I’ve lost him, forgive me father.” Both Mary and Joseph must of been besides themselves in fear. Just to think something bad could have happened to him especially with all manner of evil they faced with his coming into the world. It was a fight, but they were guided and protected every moment. Jesus himself never left their side as he followed through to his obedience even to them as a child should, showing once again his humility. And now he’s gone, must of been terrifying for them, losing the saviour of the world, your one responsibility. I can’t help but believe they were lead by the Holy Spirit to find him in the temple after almost having a heart attack.

As I was praying and asking God about Jesus, trying to find myself in him and he in me. I had a vision of Jesus at the Last super with the disciples washing their feet, breaking the bread and then talking about being betrayed. I saw Jesus crying as he spoke to his disciples, but in the Bible they never mention Jesus wept at this point. These few people that were with Jesus meant so much to him. I could feel it was love, that power came over him as he knew it would be the last time they would be together like that. Like a lover getting ready to say goodbye to his/her love, it’s hard to let go of each other’s hand. Jesus humanity came forth strong in his emotions towards all of humanity, which the twelve disciples represented in which he was educating them with all wisdom, knowledge and understanding of God to manifest and overrun the entire world with. But then Judas, one out of twelve the devil was able to take control of. Jesus was unable to hold back his emotions even then before Gethsemane. He cried with a broken heart to all that would take place as He the shepherd will be taken away and all the sheep would go astray due to fear. His heart was very heavy as His mind was set with even more determination on His mission.

Judas must not have been the first betrayal in Jesus life. I have this sense that many of what Jesus had suffered before His crucifixion, along paths of His early life He’d endured or saw with His own eyes hurt, pain, cruelty of humanity towards one another. All part of the sin syndrome as I call it. Jesus empathy became a vacuum for the sins of humanity and love became the motivation to lead him selflessly to the cross.

The garden of Gethsemane Jesus let go of his divinity and put on humanity as the disciples were not able to keep watch with him and fell asleep instead, Jesus took upon himself more of them, their fears and inadequacies as humans. I call it transferring his power that they were unable to receive why they fell asleep. He pull from them, but they were unable to receive. This is where I believe grace was was based upon. Love can seem to decrease your strength and leave you vulnerable, but it’s not true. When your strength seems to be depleted because of love that is love in its greatest strength that’s why we fall in love. It is trust, it is hope, it is faith, it is free and it surrenders. Hate increases strength, flue with resentment and bitterness to destroy at all cost. Think about this for a moment, it take a lot of energy to hate.

Jesus the nurturer, mentor, guide, lover of our soul, obedient and most of all, disciplinarian. Why disciplinarian? “He sure showed devil who’s the boss on his way to Calvary, the cross, and on the third day when he rose up from the death.” Also he taught us discipline in doing the Father’s Will and rebuking all evil.