It now less than twenty-four hours I just had bilateral knee surgery. And a flash back to my childhood occurred. I was remembering my granny teaching me to kneel down and say my prayers. I was only three years old and learnt to say “in the name of the Father Son and the Holy Spirit,” as I knelt on my knees besides the bed at my granny’s house. I’ve learnt from an very early age to humble myself before the Lord. My granny was one of the first as far as I can remember to teach myself and my siblings about the God. I recalled the first Bible my grandmother give us kids one day. It was a picture Bible as they called it back then. My favourite Bible story was when Jesus fed the five thousand with the little boys lunch consisting of five loaves and two fish, John 6:5-13. The picture illustration of the five loaves and two fish was very life like, I use to visualize myself there eating with Jesus and all the people.

Like my grandmother I myself teaches my grandchildren to pray. It’s always prayer time at my home, Joshua 24:15 “As for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.” We give thank and blessings our food before we began to eat, it’s preyer time when you rise up in the morning and before you go tho bed. From one lessons taught by a granny to another.

I’ve learned through the years as I’ve grown spiritually that many part of our bodies are under spiritual attacks unknowingly. Especially if you pray and fast a lot. I believe myself to be what is called a prayer warrior. On my knees is where I fight my battles, humbling before my Lord and saviour at His throne of grace and mercy and I never lost a battle. I put my plea before Him on my knees and He allows me to know He’s got me, the battle is His. “So I stand still and see His salvation in my life.”

Now the enemy wants to take a way my process of victory which is my knees. But I guarantee you devil, if I have to crawl on my belly to humble before the Lord, I will. Whatever it would take for me to reach my Lord, I shall. If not in the physical I know I can in the spiritual. So however the enemy tries to block you the Lord will make another way.

I know the healing of these knees is going to be a fight for me, but the Lord has this. Romans 8:28 “And we know all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” Psalm 30:5 “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.” And I am weeping now!

It’s a Tuesday morning, I was running my errands. My husband birthday was soon approaching so I went out shopping for his gifts. As soon as I enter the shopping centre just about to pass by the food court a young man greeted me, “good morning mam, could you buy me something to eat, please?” He said, “I am so hungry and I would really like a Subway sandwich.” Without hesitation my reply was, “yes sweetheart, whatever you want.” He had to be no more than thirty years old around the same age as my youngest child. His hair all knotted and stringy like he haven’t had a bath in a long time, his hands were dirty that his finger nails was long and dark with dirt, dirty clothing. Even though he wore a mask, there was something about his eyes, the look in his eyes the sincerity of his plea, I felt it deep within my spirit. I heard a voice in my head said, “ask and you shall receive.” He had a big gash over his nose as I stared intensely at him. I’ve always pray the Lord grant me the spirit of truth and discernment because I am so easily trusting. But with the most respectable, humility and childlike attitude all he kept on saying is “thank you mam, thanks so much.” I looked to the server at the counter and said, “please anything he wants no matter the cost give it to him.” And when the server asked him if he wanted his bread toasted he said, “no thanks I am too hungry to wait.” As I looked at him once again and asked, “is there anything else you want before I pay, take whatever else. He said,” this is so much already, thank you very very much. The server said to him, “you can have a combo if you want? And he looked at me like a child and said, “ is it ok.” My heart melted, as I persistently told him, “take whatever, as I told you before!” He was so excited, he started clapping his hands. I proceeded to paid for everything and before I left I said to him, may the Lord continue to bless him and I walked away. It all took no more than five minutes of my time as I was in a hurry to make back home before my husband.

I thought to myself as I continued on my way, how long must this young man been there, just begging anyone that passed by to by hims something to eat. And then I thought about my child and grand children and couldn’t help, but pray to the Lord that they never have to go through whatever brought him to that point in his life and even if they do, pray the Lord to remember me and do allow someone to do for them what I’ve just done for this young man. I could never say never to it happening to me, my children or grandchildren. Just imagine what it’s like being homeless and on the streets or even begging for food. We could never know with this life we’re living today, especially if it’s His Will for whatever reason for us to go through that kind of living. I thought about the people in Ukraine right now who left there families, home and all their belongs and my heart aches for them. Imagine just no more than five months ago their entire life they were living a dream and now it’s nothing but a nightmare with this war.

I also thought to myself, I was glad the young man asked instead of turning to some sort of criminal act. He could of grabbed my purse and ran off with it, hold up the store at gun point. The Bible says, “ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall find, knock and it shall be open to you,” Matthew 7:7. For all those who turn up their noses to beggars and the homeless remember it could be you in that position or your loved ones. Even though there are some homeless and beggars who uses every dime you give them for drugs and alcohol, pray to the Lord for discernment to know who they are when approached. It’s not hard to give especially if some ask for you to buy them something to eat instead of money, you don’t need discernment for that.

This is not the first time I’ve experienced this kind of thing. At first it was easy for me to just give them money and walk away until one day my husband pointed out to me that there are scammers, drug and alcohol abuser in the mist so be careful. So I pray for discernment and stop being so naive. To allow God to use me for His glory and purpose.

It is truly a wonderful feeling when you’re blessed to be a blessing! There’s an awakening of joy, peace, love and fulfillment of something within my spirit I can’t even beginning to describe. Like I am walking on air, just floating. Thank you Jesus!

God the Father, Son and the Holy Spirit, three in one and one in three. To me God can be many, but still considered one. God can come down to meet us on many levels as His dear children. There are times I consider him my Father, Mother and Friend. Friend because I can speak to him without filtering what I want to say, just being myself and there are times I speak to God as my sovereign Lord. Sovereign because He is to be honoured and respected to the highest above all else in this world.

Sometimes we give to much authority over to a world that truly belongs to the Lord. We shouldn’t be separating the world and God. All has changed after the resurrection of our Lord and saviour Jesus. The change, if we truly understand it to be has already taken place. Jesus says, if we have faith as small as a mustered seed, we can tell the mountains to move and it will, Matthew 17:20. Where’s our faith? We’re waiting on God and the Lord is wait on us. We’ve been equipped to fulfill Jesus will for all of humanity until His return. “What are we waiting for?” We are to be preparing the way for Him to return. John the Baptist isn’t coming again.

All night like Jacob I’ve been wrestling with God, “why Lord, why!” No matter how faithful one can be with God there’s always a time in the deepest and darkest moments of your life where your faith is being tested to see how well learnt are you in the things pertaining to the Will of God. Jacob, Moses and the prodigal son, they all had to come to themselves in knowing the path the Lord had chosen out for them. They had to surrender and return to the Father. There’s no playing around with the Lord when He has chosen you for a His purpose, like Paul on his way to Damascus. And I myself had to learn this lesson.

Matthew 6:33 “But seek first the Kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” But I did it my way, and can’t understand why the Lord is not in my favour? For doing things our way the Bible says the Lord will say, “depart from me for I know you not,” Matthew 7:21-23. I suffered myself needlessly, for my own stubbornness. Always trying to work around whatever the Lord tells me to do. Thank the Lord for His understanding and patience. Sometimes we got to understand and be thankful the Lord ain’t nothing like man(us human beings). His ways aren’t anything like ours, “Isaiah 55:8.

With bold assurance I could say I’ve sinned and come short of the glory of God. Given myself excuses why I can’t fulfill His will in my life, even to point out those who ain’t as faithful like myself. In the Bible when Jesus teaches his disciples the parable of the Pharisee and the tax collector, “Luke 18:9-14.” So self righteous, I often exalted myself for my fasting, praying, compassion, mercy, forgiveness…for my fellow man. I believe myself to be all that and a bag of chip, lol. Come on now, I am honest with God. When everyone else wait to fast and pray for traditional( New Years) and seasonal reason(Lent) often times I move with the flow and then beyond depending on the circumstances for everyone and everything going on in our world. I pray every three hours day and night. I believe for my humility, love, consideration and consciousness of treatment towards others, I should be blessed above all measures, God owes me. “Lord haven’t I been good enough for you?” All kind of question I would throw at the Lord in my tantrums and anguish. Then I would say, “ Lord some of your people are ungrateful and just down right hateful and disgusting don’t ask me to deal with them please.” So I’d refuse. I told the Lord He has to unchanged my heart and mind which is easily broken. You see the warrior He created me to be wants nothing more than to destroy evil people with no mercy.

I believe myself to be unworthy of the Lord call on my life. Don’t know how Jesus could of taken all the emotional and physical pain and still was able to say, “forgive them for they know not what they do.” Sorry, but I show no qualities of Jesus here, I believe if I could know and I consider myself not all that intelligent, they definitely have no excuses everything is now accessible on the social media, the truth is out there for the world to be knowledgeable about. The devil is a liar!

My patience has run out and so is my mercy. The Lord said forgive seventy times seven, Matthew 18:21-22. I wrestle with the Lord I’ve given them more than seventy times seven, but still they harden their hearts and minds, what then shall I do with such people? Literally my body is broken because of sin. I am in pain constantly because all this anguish has taken its toll on my life.

The Lord always send us to people some what like ourselves to draw them to Him. They are true reflections of who we are. I don’t consider myself hateful and cruel though, I love to loved, but can’t take cruelty and hate for my love. I am stubborn, I must confess, but it’s due to fear, rejection and being hated for my calling. People can be so cruel. And I truly understand only God can love them unconditionally, sorry but I can’t, not when they are so cruel and hateful. But each time the Lord wants me to understand, be wise and knowledgeable, Romans 8:28 “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to His purpose. All I can say is, “but sometimes it hurts so bad.”

Not much is known about Simon of Cyrene other than he’s believed to be a Jewish African man or a Jew who went to live in Africa who had two sons he brought to Jerusalem to celebrate the Passover. He was mention in three of the four gospel, Matthew, Mark, and Luke. He was compelled to help Jesus carry his cross to Golgotha by the Roman soldiers.

What really could be the hidden reason behind Simon of Cyrene helping Jesus carry his cross? This random stranger, just chosen for no apparent reason? Some say it was to shows the humility of Jesus, or to shame him. Could it be that Jesus was in a very bad way from all the brutal interrogations and whippings; maybe the soldiers wanted him to die on the cross to make a spectacle of him to other as a warning. It was not for Jesus to die on the path. Jesus himself knew his destiny and Simon who travelled so far to his purpose must of been a faithful man to have had such an encounter with Jesus. He may have heard about Jesus and was just curious to see him, but not like that. I could imagine the gossip that was spreading about Jesus it must of piqued the curiosity of many who had heard about him. I believed Simon being in Jerusalem was curious to see the man Jesus whom so much was being spoken about. But not for a moment did he ever think being a spectator like everyone else as to what was taking place with Jesus on his way to Calvary he would be caught up in it all, especially by carry Jesus cross, leaving his two children.

But I believe this that took place at that moment and time was very good thing for both Simon and Jesus as part of God’s plan. Remember three disciples fell asleep when Jesus had asked them to keep watch with him one hour, then Jesus stated seeing them all asleep, “the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.” Simon flesh at that moment may have been weak, but he did this time unlike the disciples kept watch with Jesus, if you know what I mean. Simon also like the woman with the Alabaster box may have been sent by God as a reminder of the unconditional love Jesus has for man is now being returned unto him at the time he needed it the most. Jesus love for us led him to the cross and even in his anguish as a man, God the Father showed his compassion for the son, God the man, by allowing his enemy to get him help in time of need. Simon must of been terrified at all what Jesus was going through and maybe the soldiers might even do him the same thing. But just one look into the eyes of Jesus and he was no longer afraid. The Romans soldiers may have compelled Simon, but his heart and mind was moved only by God himself. Simon may have seen more than a beat up bruised man, but God’s glory and truth upon Jesus. Sin no longer held it’s power, when Jesus had carried the cross as far as he could and then let it go. That burden, the weight of sin, when Jesus feel it fell with him and off him back to where it belong. There’s a saying I learnt as a child and it goes like this, “ must Christ bear the cross alone and the whole world goes free?” I believe Simon didn’t just carried Jesus cross, but as a man he learnt right there and then the burdens of sin in the world rest upon us all. This thing called sin, it takes unity, we are our brothers/sisters keeper in standing and overcoming it. Jesus passed the baton to Simon that day, for he Simon had received a miracle when carrying The cross. The disciples had to wait on the day of Pentecost for what Simon received that day carrying the cross.

How many times have we look upon someone anguish and thought to ourselves, thank the Lord it is not happening to us, or we feel relief when it’s some else’s suffering and not our own. Like Simon, he may have felt, “it’s not my business or responsibility,” because of fear. But sometimes God has a plan for it to be our business and responsibility, because he wants for us to get out of our prison of fear, doubt and hopelessness and trust him and realize with unity we can do all things through Him which strengthens us.

The speculation of Simon being dark skin and from another country like Africa is for us all to understand God is no respecter of persons, we are all God’s children, whether Gentile or Jew as long as we believe. Jesus says, “it’s your faith!” Many times when he’d preformed miracles he told the people it was their faith that made them heal. “Faith as small as a mustard seed, and we can move mountains,” Matthew 17:20.

As I thought about being a spectator and many of us in the west are spectators to what’s going on in Ukraine with this war. I believe soon God is going move the west in like Simon of Cyrene. Soon without any choice the west is going to have to move from a spectator to a participant like Simon. This war with Ukraine is going to end soon in, Jesus name.

I thought to myself, “is the Passover more important than the crucifixion and resurrection?” Moses versus Jesus. Then how be it, that these two important occurrences which was done by God himself can ever be compared. For it is one God and many people. But many people chooses to serve God according to their own way of beliefs, in understanding. It is not my God, but our God. Though for many of us, we want Him to belong to us, and us alone. But as he had promised to Abraham, Genesis 17, to be the father of nations, “are we not the nations?”. Genesis 22:17 “ I will surely bless you and make your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as the sand on the seashore.”

I tried to understand how Moses became accepted and reverence as sovereign to the Jews than Jesus. Could it be because it is written Moses was able to do the impossible first by Pharaoh setting the Israelite’s free from bondage, the parting of the Red Sea, the manner given for food in the wilderness and the Ten Commandments? Both Moses and Jesus was also written about in the Holy scripture. The coming of Jesus was prophesied from the beginning of time. Maybe they believed Moses to have been the fulfillment of the prophecy? What is it to us then, when the word is written in the scriptures as the word of God to be a witness, testimony, truth, obedience and prophecy, but yet not believed or excepted. Isn’t the written prophecies the proof like all other written scriptures of the Lord’s plans, and destiny for us? I’ve come to the conclusion man has discernment and truth issues we need to pray for help with. Thanks be to the Lord Jesus who’d understood this about us when saying, “forgive them for they know not what they do.” Our misinterpretations of God’s scriptures and will for us all which was continually pointed out by Jesus concerning the Pharisees and Sadducees, whom themselves believed definitely they understood clearly, obviously didn’t. “Who do they think they are following Moses?” Today we face the same challenges causing our downfall. Everybody wants to now be Jesus, but refuse to walk the path, talk the talk, have their mind opened and renewed, not following the world and its desires, but most of all being obedient to God’s will fully, unconditional love for all of humanity showing mercy, compassion, forgiveness…all the qualities and characteristics of Jesus.

Can’t we be the lost children of Abraham? Why then call us all Gentiles. If we take into consideration in the beginning the two first children of Adam and Eve Cain and Abel. Cain being the bad seed and Abel the good. The good seed Abel was killed by his bad brother. One of the first lessons learned by Adam and Eve as the consequence of eating the forbidden fruit. Remember that saying, “we are what we eat,” very good example. God allowed Cain to live, put a mark upon his his head, and to me that mark is the same mark considered today as the mark of the devil. Consider this, just as there are children of Abraham, who to me is like another Abel who has a love, honour and obedience to God unlike no other. Cain and his brother was never considered Jew or Gentile. When did the separation begin? I believe it began with Cain murdering his only brother. The goats from the sheep are all God creations only He alone has the understanding of, the key to fix and make right, the reason for His only begotten son Jesus, who came into the world. There are many Cain’s among us as there is Abel’s. Matthew 13, Parable of the Tares and the wheat. God is about to pull up the weeds from the wheat.

The garden of Gethsemane was the mental breakdown, the pain of all uncontrollable human emotions which fell on Jesus. The scourging at the pillar was the physical pain, torment of the body. The crown of thorns was placed upon Jesus head, represents the never end emotional roller coaster of emotional mental suffering, hurt and pain caused by the trauma of it all. Not only was he our prophet king for real, they the Romans soldiers thought it to be mockery to put the purple rob on his bloody sacred body and a reed in his hand and called him king of the Jews. Thy meant it for evil, but truth and righteousness for good was revealed even in Jesus anguish. Matthew 27:29, John 19:2 and Mark 15:17. This they had done to Jesus not knowing they were all part of God purpose and plan which Jesus himself had understood. Jesus told Pontius Pilate John 19:11 “ thou couldest have no power at all against me, except it were given thee from above…

The carrying of the cross is the representation of all powers and forces of negativity on the outside of us that’s a burden to bear and carry, like the weight of the world on His shoulders. The cross was placed up high for all to see. Nothing but a momentary display of consequences for all to see, especially where Jesus was concerned, for that cross couldn’t contain its power over him, neither the grave. The significance of the two thieves on the cross, one on Jesus right, and the other on the left. One being good and the other bad, declares the cruelty of humanity towards one another for a crime of steeling, one of the commandments of God in which the Romans didn’t care about. Jesus was not guilty of any crimes, but yet the injustices and practices of evil (sin) that he was enduring and also witnessed throughout his earthly life at the hands of man. The leaders of the temple believe they were so righteous in their own eyes as to their actions, after all it was concerning God’s laws and will in which they believe themselves to be the experts in, to murder for blasphemy. They forgot the Commandment, “thou shall not kill.” Even on the cross the devil tried to show himself strong to Jesus like he did with Judas at the last supper, when one of the thief who said, “Are you not the Messiah? Save yourself and us,” Luke 23:39. What many of us didn’t understand is that Jesus purpose between these two thieves to die, was to take back what Satan that serpent did in the garden of Eden with tempting Adam and Eve to eat of the forbidden tree. This forbidden tree of knowledge of good and evil man was cast out of the garden of Eden concerning it, has now been given back access the moment the good thief accepted his fate for what he has done and recognize Jesus as Lord and saviour, innocence and not like them when he spoke up to the other bad thief who also acknowledge Jesus, but wanted nothing more, but to be free from his punishment. We could hear it in Jesus response to the man(good thief) the joy in his voice at this thief request to remember him when he come into his kingdom, Luke 23:42 Jesus replies “Amen, I say to you, today you will be with me in Paradise.” Jesus recognized at that moment the victory was won, man heart and mind has renewed, accepting truth and righteousness instead of temptation and lies.

Psalm 51:17 “ The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.” Whenever we do wrong acknowledge it and repent with sacrifices of righteousness and not egotistical pride. I thought about Will Smith incident on the Oscars and I can only pray he can turn to God. I believe like Jesus also believes in all humanity, he’s a good man; needs to be forgiven and also to forgive himself. We all must show remorse to God for our wrongs, then go to the ones we hurt and plead (ask) for forgiveness. Like the good thief, he acknowledged, and then he asked.

The love, grace and suffering of Jesus on the cross for us: (1) “Father forgive them for they know not what they do.” (2) “Son thy mother, mother thy son.” (3) “I thirst.” (4) “My God, my God, why hath thou forsaken me.” (5) “It is finished.” (6) “ Into thy hand I commit my spirit.” (7) They pierced his side and blood and water came out. Jesus mercy may endure forever but also is his never ending love, compassion, forgiveness, humility…It’s all lifted up within each and everyone spirit on his resurrection to press on when life becomes difficult, if only we’d believe. Resurrection is the life with Jesus, nothing can hold you down.

The message is loud and clear, “how well learnt are we!” Humanity continues to repeat history. There’s always a devil on the rise bring about terrible things in the world. Division, hatred, and an explosion of emotions towards one another and life itself. Most of all, this takes place because of the absence of God in our lives. What is it going to take for both humanity and the devil to realize power and control belongs to God and God alone. 2 Timothy 3:1-9 Perilous times shall come, prophesy of the last days. We’ve been warned, but yet, take no heed to it and the world is in a crisis. No man, but God can make the impossible, possible with all situations we go through. For this cause we need the Lord and the Lord alone. We need to draw nearer to God for such a time like this.

God is searching hearts of humanity right now, to form his army against evil of sin in the world. Everyone of us should be afraid. Who side do you want to be on, the Lord’s or the devil? If you choose the Lord, then check your self, are living according to the will of God?

“Are we there yet!” We may have evolved concerning a lot of things on the outside like science, technology…But the conflict still remains with our spirit, the wisdom, knowledge and understanding of the will of God. We are lacking, the discipline within to overcome the weakness called sin, we keep on giving in to it. When humanity put the Lord first in our lives before anything and everything else, no matter what we’d go through, if we’d stand our ground in faith, endured through Him then and only then we shall overcome. There was no distortion or confusion hearing the voice of the Lord speaking to us in the days of Abraham, Noah, Moses…There’s a deception of the devil to use his voice in the ear of the vulnerable as though it be that of the Lord speaking to us. People are being fooled even the chosen of the Lord. We ought to stand in pray for discernment and spirit of truth. A deceptive spirit has taken over the world, but if we stand in faith and trust the Lord, draw close to him as, Luke 8:17 “For there’s nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open.”

Deja vu, standing in this light without making a difference and a change is a sin. It is better for us to not know then to know and continue on in our sin. We are waiting on the Lord to return without the preparation of our hearts and minds in readiness for our saviour return, who laid the foundation to carry on His work doing the will of God. The kingdom which has already came, has been rocked, but not broken. Jesus hasn’t abandoned us, neither left us comfortless. He foresaw what’s taking place in our world today, knowing the Father will send him back, but had no idea when to prepare us. But if we who truly are in Him and being in Him means you surrender your entire being to Him, though you’ll suffer, you rather suffer like Him in knowing His will is being done with you through the suffering. Suffering in the world for righteousness sake only means you’re truly blessed and free in Him, with Him, this is faith.

If you find yourself hungry and thirsty for His righteousness, pleading to feel His powerful presence within your life, then you’re on the right path. He shall return for your prayers and crying like that of the Israelites in Egypt. We’re in slaved to the burden of sin and the Pharaohs of this world who want to keep holding us down.

John 12:24 Jesus said, “ very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. All his life Jesus knew and understood his purpose for coming into the world, humanity. And though he himself was born to humanity through a virgin woman by divine conception, Jesus recognized and understood the conflict between flesh and spirit. From the day man ate of the forbidden tree of good and evil according to the Bible, we’ll surly die. And to think of it, it’s a good thing for us who are born into sin to die, just think of living with it for eternity. Sin though consequences of disobedience stopped eternity from happening the way God had planned it for man. Imagine, Heaven was going to be our forever home. Jesus purpose and desire was to reconcile humanity back to God. We have all strayed so far from the Lord through sin, and got in tangle with it, that it became part of our nature and the norms for our lives, which was never God’s intention for us. We should have been a hundred percent spiritual, but satan, that wicked serpent in the garden.

Jesus, our saviour, redeemer, bread of life, Lord, creator, son of the living God, only begotten son, Holy one of Israel, wonderful counsellor, the mighty God, the everlasting Father, Prince of peace, king of king, alpha and omega, master, king of the Jews, high priest, prophet, teacher, Emmanuel, our advocate, meditator, judge, chief cornerstone, author and finisher of our faith, lamb of God, good shepherd, the word, fountain of living water, rock, messiah, true vine, bridegroom, the lion of the tribe of Judah, bright and morning star, image of God, son of man, carpenter, the way, truth and the life, king of Israel, Christ…So wonderful a name and divinity!

I woke up this morning thinking to myself, what it must of had been like for Jesus. What was his thoughts especially after the age of twelve when he realized, he must be about his Father’s business. Not only did he become a young man, but having such a great responsibility at the age of twelve. I couldn’t help, but imagine all kind of scenario happening in his childhood, adolescent and adulthood. Was other children mean to him, was he always in control of his divine power, was he constantly being tormented by evil forces, did he have other ambitions and desires besides humanity on his mind constantly, was he shy, did he have a lot of friends, experienced every kind of human nature within and without, and was he self discipline with his divinity, truly knowing who he is?

I felt in my spirit that Jesus being called lost and then found in the temple Luke 2:41-52, was not about him, but his earthly parents Mary and Joseph. They were lost, and maybe confused, because for the first time Jesus was absence from their presence without a warning. All Jesus life they were guided by the angel about all things concerning him. I could vision Mother Mary like myself as a mother would do, drop to my knees praying to God, “please Lord, I am so sorry, I’ve lost my child Jesus, lead me to find him. You trusted me for his care and now I’ve lost him, forgive me father.” Both Mary and Joseph must of been besides themselves in fear. Just to think something bad could have happened to him especially with all manner of evil they faced with his coming into the world. It was a fight, but they were guided and protected every moment. Jesus himself never left their side as he followed through to his obedience even to them as a child should, showing once again his humility. And now he’s gone, must of been terrifying for them, losing the saviour of the world, your one responsibility. I can’t help but believe they were lead by the Holy Spirit to find him in the temple after almost having a heart attack.

As I was praying and asking God about Jesus, trying to find myself in him and he in me. I had a vision of Jesus at the Last super with the disciples washing their feet, breaking the bread and then talking about being betrayed. I saw Jesus crying as he spoke to his disciples, but in the Bible they never mention Jesus wept at this point. These few people that were with Jesus meant so much to him. I could feel it was love, that power came over him as he knew it would be the last time they would be together like that. Like a lover getting ready to say goodbye to his/her love, it’s hard to let go of each other’s hand. Jesus humanity came forth strong in his emotions towards all of humanity, which the twelve disciples represented in which he was educating them with all wisdom, knowledge and understanding of God to manifest and overrun the entire world with. But then Judas, one out of twelve the devil was able to take control of. Jesus was unable to hold back his emotions even then before Gethsemane. He cried with a broken heart to all that would take place as He the shepherd will be taken away and all the sheep would go astray due to fear. His heart was very heavy as His mind was set with even more determination on His mission.

Judas must not have been the first betrayal in Jesus life. I have this sense that many of what Jesus had suffered before His crucifixion, along paths of His early life He’d endured or saw with His own eyes hurt, pain, cruelty of humanity towards one another. All part of the sin syndrome as I call it. Jesus empathy became a vacuum for the sins of humanity and love became the motivation to lead him selflessly to the cross.

The garden of Gethsemane Jesus let go of his divinity and put on humanity as the disciples were not able to keep watch with him and fell asleep instead, Jesus took upon himself more of them, their fears and inadequacies as humans. I call it transferring his power that they were unable to receive why they fell asleep. He pull from them, but they were unable to receive. This is where I believe grace was was based upon. Love can seem to decrease your strength and leave you vulnerable, but it’s not true. When your strength seems to be depleted because of love that is love in its greatest strength that’s why we fall in love. It is trust, it is hope, it is faith, it is free and it surrenders. Hate increases strength, flue with resentment and bitterness to destroy at all cost. Think about this for a moment, it take a lot of energy to hate.

Jesus the nurturer, mentor, guide, lover of our soul, obedient and most of all, disciplinarian. Why disciplinarian? “He sure showed devil who’s the boss on his way to Calvary, the cross, and on the third day when he rose up from the death.” Also he taught us discipline in doing the Father’s Will and rebuking all evil.