I was pretty upset to the point of tears. It’s been years now and I’ve been doing some soul searching. My dilemma, every time I try to be obedient to the will of God, evil presents itself. I am so tired of every time I do good evil presence itself, and I am left wondering if being and doing good is worth the hassle of my heart being broken and my emotions is on high, second guessing myself.

My conversation to the Lord. “God if you require of me to do your will, then harden my heart, and help me to forget hurt and pain. Take control of my mind and prevent my thoughts from spiralling out of control with its negativity. I feel so broken, lost and confused. This following Jesus has it’s difficulties with the heart and mind. The balance between the flesh and the spirit is difficult. It takes discipline and understanding to overcome. Discipline is knowing when to let go and let God. Understanding is key, knowing it is by no strength or power of our own we do what we do, “but if hadn’t been for the Lord.” We are to take no credit for victories won or feel wounded and defeated. Scripture declaring, “the battle is the Lord.” Proverbs 21:31 The horse is made for the day of battle, but the victory belongs to the Lord.

We live in a world today that’s in a crisis with entitled, disobedient, self righteous, unapologetic, narcissistic…”must I go on human beings,that God loves unconditionally?” Yes! That’s right God loves us, that he keeps doing everything in his power to save us all, even from ourselves. But my question to God is why keep on trying to save, who don’t want to be save? I can believe or comprehend the the resistance of those few. We shouldn’t have to throw a lifesaver at a drowning person who keeps tossing it back to you refusing to hold on, which can only mean one thing, “I don’t want to be saved, let me drown.” The fact that they would watch you right in the eye and then submerge themselves and when you jump in to help them they try to beat up on you or take you down with them. But God, I thought you said, “ don’t give what is holy to dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine, lest they trampled them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces, Matthew 7:6?” God reminded me of Luke 10:11-12 Whosever shall not receive you, nor hear your words, when you depart out of that house or city, shake off the dust from your feet. Verily I say unto you, it shall be more tolerable for the land of Sodom and Gomorrah in the day of judgement, than for that city.

You know what God’s said to me, “ I am feeling just as helpless and frustrated as that person is feeling with life, so if I can’t see myself in their position with my tantrums right now to understand, and show compassion as one who’s got so much faith in Him, because not only do I believe, but declare how much I love and I trust in Him. It’s better that I didn’t know, than know He’s real and not just a few, but all things are possible with Him.

Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. In my obedience to doing what God has said, I’ve realized the helping of others was also helping myself we’re all as one in the sight of the Lord, with our strength and weaknesses. But if only we can see it is a battle and a struggle we all face within ourselves as do others to stay on the right path. The negative forces always tries to conquer us all and sometimes we don’t even know it. So when we point fingers at others and judge, really we are only judging ourselves. As Jesus said, “he that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone” John 8:7

With love comes a lot of emotions good and bad. Taking on the responsibility for others as though it was myself who give birth to them, when it’s God. Sometimes we just have to know our place. We are all sinners and just because God has chosen us to do a thing, doesn’t make us Gods ourselves. God is not on the throne making Gods, he’s there taking care of his creation whom he loves so much.