What it meant for me to wrestle with God like Jacob? I was tired and fed up with life and it’s constant struggles with the evil that’s in our world. Why can’t life just be good and remain that way without the roller coaster ride? And to mention, I am people tired. Don’t get me wrong I am aware there’s good and bad people in our world, but the bad is too much to bear. It takes so much energy to deal with them. There are those who suck you dry of your virtue by their constant dependency on you and those who are just pure evil. I’ve been so beaten up in my heart, mind and spirit by the bad things that happened to me for my love and kindness to others, leavening me bitter and angry, very angry and bitter even to hating myself for being so naive and foolish where they are concerned.

Many times I screamed, ” I am not Jesus, I am a sinner, born into sin, wasn’t not conceived by the Holy Spirit. No matter how much I love you Lord, the spirit is willing, but my flesh truly is weak because I want to cuss, fight and even punch them in the face.” I often thought to myself in my rage, “now I understanding why the devil hated humanity, we’re really a bunch of messed up beings, the way we treat one another because of race, gender, religion, sexual orientation, social status… Desiring power and control to possess the entire world when not one of us is perfect. We are so prejudice and hateful to each other that we leave nothing for the devil to do to us that’s evil. I would sometimes imagine the devil saying to God, “look at them, told you so, but yet you consider them worth saving.” I picture God like a good doting parent making excuses for our behavior, even towards him. Worst than the devil, it’s like we’re provoking God to be more severe on us in his discipline towards us for our wrong doings.

One day I’d decided to fast and pray until God blesses me with the knowledge, wisdom and understanding of it all. Being so frustrated and tired of all the negative things reported in the news, I couldn’t help but believe the world is coming to an end. Humanity are way out of control and we definitely need Jesus, now. Like Jacob, I decided not stop fasting and praying until God gives me an answer to, “why?” I remembered saying, even if my health is jeopardize, I will not give up till the Lord blessed me, like he did Jacob. “Be careful what you pray for!”

When Jacob wrestle with the man (angel) he touched the socket of Jacob’s hip so that his hip was wrenched. “Let me go, for it is daybreak,” said the man. Jacob replied, ” I will not let you go unless you bless me.” Genesis 32:25-27. What I understood the meaning of the touch was to inflict pain because pain is the power to ignite healing when at the brink of despair to rebirthing something new within us. Pain signifies and activates our sensations and emotions. The man (angel) didn’t touch Jacob to prevent him from wrestling with him, he touched him to release the pressure of the pain from his heart and mind. His touch was to weaken the flesh and strengthen his spirit which was already at work.

Pain, suffering, heart aches and all manner of brokenness has never been part of God’s plans for humanity, it is not part of life it’s part of sin. Like Jacob we have the ability and strength within us to stand and fight, rebuke it from taking control over our lives. Jacob was courageous to confront and challenge the source of his afflictions, himself, the image of God, in which he was created. We are given free will, and there’s a price to pay even though it’s suppose to be free because of sin. Free will can brings good as well as bad, when not discipline within us. Jacob was wrestling with God to take back the free will, because he was not worthy to possess it, too much for him to handle with all the pain and suffering he had to endured in his life. He recognized the only way to go forward is through the will of God not his or any man’s.

The spirit of God shall not always strive with man, Genesis 6:3. All the reason to remember to pray, ” Lord protect us from all weaknesses that leads us to temptations, .” Jesus came and his life death and resurrection changed everything for all humanity, so stand firm in the new found liberty we’ve been given through him. Seek wisdom, knowledge and understanding till you find it.