Dear God as much as I love, praise and worship you for all blessings you’ve given me. Forever I pray to be in your grace my Heavenly Father, but I have a problem with my duty concerning humanity and my service to them. For my love they give me bitterness, my mercy and compassion a battle, when I try to forgive and let it go, they constantly remind me, for peace they are for war, love hate…a constant fight.

Truly you have to be born by immaculate conception to overcome every human emotions; grief, anger, sorrow and bitterness, etc. It is much more than one can bear. The over whelming feeling of not being able to carry out my duty for fear, doubt and hopelessness has incapacitated me. Even though Faith is the greatest factor for me to see this through, my humanity (flesh) is weak. The pain, hurt, depression and disappointment with one self to not be in control of the fear and doubt has blindsided me. I forgot who I am in you and through you. Feeling like a failure to your will because of my humanity when I’d say, “I am not Jesus, just flesh and blood what do you expect of me?”

Never given more than I can handle: The never ending sorrow continues to fill my soul with all the evil I’ve see in the world has laid a heavyweight within my spirit. I am bleeding Lord, the cut has been so severe and deep. The evil has tried to take me down, “so I stretched forth my hand to there, no other help I know.” You’ve allowed me to suffer, to be sacrificed within my spirit to bring about new growth and I’m dying, like a seed planted in the ground being broken opened to bring forth a new tree.

Matthew 7:6 “Do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces.” I say to this verse even though I am God fearing doesn’t mean I wouldn’t curse and cuss at people, especially the possessed, as I called them, rather than believe that peopl are so evil and wicked. I’ve been battling with this when angered and frustrated while being attacked by some. Like a dog if they try to bite and devour me I will cuss them and like a pig it they desire to drag me through the mud I’ll curse them, like Jesus did the fig tree. It’s my fleshy power of weakness I have within myself, forgive me. Who are the dogs and the pigs? The behaviors of some human beings. Many of us human do act like animals even though animal are much more intelligent than we are in their roles, instinct given by God himself to them. They are so much more in tuned to their connection with God. For humans to be compared to an animal is insulted to the animal by far, not the other way around. They are truthful to there being, and to God in their being, if you understand what I mean.

I thank you Lord for understanding who I am in my frustration and my anger. I know to value all your creations is to value love, all your love. I realized that we are afraid of the devil when in all reality, he is terrified of us because of our free will. Free will, that power given to us to even fight against you, Lord. Understanding we’re like nothing to the devil but a bug he can squish, yet Lord, your love for us has given us unprecedented powers over him if we’d just believe, have Faith and a strong relationship with you that is unwavering. When I discovered within my spirit to hate humanity is to be like the devil I wanted no part with the devil, so it changed my perspective right away. After all I am human, ” who do I think I am? And who side to I want to be on?” I chose you Lord, to make the sacrifices, stand bold and strong in Christ himself who understand what’s it’s like to be. “Thank you Lord, for hearing me. Amen and Amen!”