Exactly 3am the phone rang, it was the old age facility my dad reside in. I was told my dad went into convulsions and slipped into a coma. He was check fo covid-19 and was negative over two weeks ago and now he has it. Couldn’t go back to sleep as my mind didn’t allow me to stop processing what could have possibly happened to him after being repeatedly told, stop worrying he was good, if anything is wrong I would be notified.

Unlike my mother nothing between my father and I was left unsaid, and I had no questions for him. I grew to know my dad pretty well for the five years I had lived with him. I was definitely a daddy’s girl. He set the standard so high for how any man that comes into my life should treat me and nothing less. But to my siblings I was like Joseph who wore the coat of many colors ( like the rainbow the coat represented the promise which Joseph himself was) the dreamer and prophet, so I was treated, Genesis 37.

My father would always compare my siblings to me. His exact words would be, “why can’t you be like your sister” and I resented it so much because I knew they hated me. I was just born this way in my core, to be compassionate, shy, humble, truthful, loving, peaceful, a lover not a fighter, forgiving, selfless, and most importantly God fearing and faithful. Many times for my kindness I endured resentment and hurt from my siblings. Jealousy made me a target to my siblings. My intention was never to show them up by making them look and feel bad, it is who I am as a person. And as I grew up and went out into the real world, life for me wasn’t any different. I realized that the way they treated me was to prepare me for my future of how the outside world will also treat me, but I had to be strong.

My natural father always love and respect me, even deliver me out of many troubles when I truly needed him, and would stand up with me and for me whenever I needed him. We’d fight and when we did, it wasn’t so severe that we couldn’t make peace with each other. I never had to second guess his love for me and he will always listen to me when I spoke to him. From a child, he’ll always say the reason for him taking my advice is because he believed me to be an old soul. The way I was treated by my dad, always made me feel it was a reflection of my heavenly father.

My father by no means was perfect. He was a woman abuser, and a cheater one reason my mother left. He loved women lots of them. If it was legal my dad would be a polygamist. The way my dad treated women I never could understand, because by no means would he want anyone of his girl children to be treated that way. He always said, he will kill the man that would ill treat his daughters and he was serious. He lacked in the knowledge of practice what you preach and boy did I ever use to remind him.

Unlike my mother, my dad’s passing didn’t anger me. With him having dementia he was suffering, really suffering. One thing my dad was a hard worker and a provider. He use to wake up before sunrise to go to work and return home in the dark. He loved to work and drive. A mechanic by trade also repaired and painted cars back in the days. Never sitting still and to see my dad drugged up and locked down, it was killing him and he looked like he he was just withering away day by day, barley existing. Always saying he wanted to just die, he would be better off. Made me so sad and guilty cause there was nothing I can do, but pray.

What gives me comfort is know he’s in the arms of the heavenly Father who’s welcoming him home. He’s no longer suffering and the bondage of sin has know been lifted. Rest in peace daddy!