Genesis 4:7 “If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it.” Anyone who’s dealing with sibling rivalry or any kind of family dysfunction should ask themself this question. One day I heard the voice of God talking to me as I was struggling with the cruelty I believed I’ve experienced throughout my life from my love ones. Strangers may have treated me the same way, but it wouldn’t have affected me as much as my family and dear friends. “Just unacceptable, I thought.” The pain and despair I felt was turning me into someone I didn’t know.” For what they had done to me for my love, compassion, mercy and understanding, how could God let them get away with it, I thought?” I wasn’t deserving of the treatment they gave, which partially crippled and buried me with fear, doubt, and hopelessness even depression and mental illness. Like Cain, they would have been better off to have killed me, for their motives toward me was exactly the same as he did towards his brother Abel. In some ways, as I thought about who I use to be compared to who I am today, the real me has truly died. Family should be the foundation in which we stand to go out and face the real world. If you can survive the dysfunctions of family, you can face the world with vigilance, resilient and tenacity.

To be treated unfair and unkind for no apparent reason does something to the mental state of a person. I could see all my flaws, and accept criticism, because it will help me to be and do better. I am also not too prideful to take into consideration advice either. I believe sincerely in treating others exactly what is taught in the Bible when Jesus says, “do unto others, what you’d like done unto you” Luke 6:31. Because of all this, I now suffer with trust issues; always questioning the motives of others. I been lost for so many years and thanks be to God for hearing and answering prayers through his messenger (Bishop Td Jakes) whom I don’t know, but by watching his sermons online has helped me to heal. Td jakes, I’ve always believe God has sent him specificly for me after believing in my spirit I would never trust another man or woman of God, because of having bad experiences. God speaks to me through him for every tears I’ve cried, for the fear and hopelessness I have felt. He may not be a messenger from God to everyone, but for those whom God himself has elected, such as myself. He is the only minister of God that goes to the depth of my soul with his preaching and can pull me out of my despair especially when I feel like giving up. He is the real deal for me, as someone once said about me,”he is the true servant of God, and you can see he does it with love.” I am speaking for myself as for how much he impacted my life. Some people say, “he’s just a man” But so are all the other men of the bible starting from Abraham all the way to Paul, they were all just man, except for Jesus, with an anointing and calling from God to do what they did. There was even a time I had even given up on wanting to serve God if it meant I had to deal with people. Serving God to me was setting up myself for my faith to be like Abel. The devil didn’t make Cain kill his brother, it was Cain way of thinking give way for the devil to possess him. That’s why sometime people can’t always blame the devil, we allow him to walk right in instead of resisting him.

At one point I quit serving God in public and went underground, I call it dimming of my light. I was afraid of the height they saw me climbing with God. My loved ones isn’t whom I would want a fight with, it would be like cutting out my own heart. To be in war you have to be selfish, something I just can’t possess, I care too much about others, especially my loved ones. Your family is not who you choose, but as written in Genesis 4:11-12 you shouldn’t hurt them, because you’ll only curse yourself. Joseph suffered the same thing at the hands of his siblings in Genesis 37. They didn’t kill him, but really wanted to, and instead sold him into slavery. But what give me fresh courage is Genesis 50:20 Joseph replied to his brothers, “As for you, what you intended against me for evil, God intended for good, in order to accomplish a day like this to preserve the lives of many people.” Very powerful! Joseph show himself to be worthy of every blessings he had recieved. He could of been just as evil to his siblings as they were to him. I always considered myself a woman Joseph because like him, for the love and forgiveness he had for his family regardless of how they’ve treated him God favor was always abound with him. I’ve often wondered of the unwritten thoughts and actions of Abel concern Cain. Is it only at the time of his killing he realized then, how much his brother hated him, or was there other signs?

We sometimes fail to realize that whatever we wish, or hold negatively against anyone, especially our love ones, is like faith, which is an energy we possess that we can throw at each other unknowingly. This can also be for good when we pray for someone. Our love is also like faith a very powerful energy.

I use the story of Cain, Abel and Joseph, because it all about jealousy, siblings rivalry and family. I couldn’t help but believe that man fight with the devil is under the same circumstances.

The feud in family is so much more complex because first what is the meaning of family to you? Number one is blood relations, love and expectations as a family unit as it suppose to be from generation pass as the law of loyalty, respect and unity.