Being born Christian, I am saying being born because I have always known that I was. I always tried to live my life according to the things taught in the church and written in the Bible. I wanted so much to live a Christian life and tried so hard, but it seemed to have all been in vain. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t seem to get it right any and everything went wrong. I always felt like the Psalm 51:5 of David, “Behold, I was shaped in iniquity and in sin did my mother conceive me. I love God and I want to go to heaven when I die. It has always been in my spirit to fight to live righteously according to the word of God. My greatest fear was sinning, and knowingly doing so.

I never wanted to confront the devil or ever be in his path. It has always been a fear of mine, but yet, he found a way to get to me through out my entire life. Many times I’ve wondered when did it all start and why? I believe myself to be a good, caring and loving person. I would never intentionally hurt some. I truly believe in do unto others as you’d like them to do unto you and follow the way of Jesus.

I have a wonderful relationship with God. I do believe, he has been my imaginary friend all my life. And like any relationship, we have little arguments. I know I am a work in progress so I make mistakes, but because I know he is omnipotent, omnipresent and omniscient, creator of everything our God, my question to God has  always been, “why, why would he allow bad things to happen, and why would he have even created good and evil, why?” I wish that evil never exist. That Adam and Eve had never eaten the apple.

The eleventh of December 2016 I had a dream I was face to face with Satan(the devil) and for some reason I knew it was him right away. I called him by his name Lucifer morning star also know as little horn. He then answered me when I called him by his name and much to my amazement he is an angel that looked like a beaming light with features and his facial appearance is like that of Santa Clause, beard and everything. I always thought the he would look more like a monster, but he didn’t. Right away he said to me, ” a monstrous thing never comes looking like a monster to scare you away, when trying to draw you near. God created beauty and ugly; blessed are you when you have them both. He told me that no longer can he possess us, unless we invite him in and allow him, that it is written in scriptures, “resist the devil and he will flee from you” James 4:7. Never for a moment believe that the life of Jesus, his birth, death and resurrection didn’t change anything. He said, ” I along with you who had sinned against God we’re the prodigal son, just remember my conversation with God in the book of Job when I went into Gods presence with the other angels (Job 1:6-12) where I ask God to torment Job and his family to see if he would curse God. That this story belongs to all God’s chosen people not just Job and his family even to this generation.” He still wants to know how much we have faith and trust in God if he torments us. He understands who God truly is, but we don’t. Even though God in our understanding is omniscient, omnipresent and omnipotent, he is still trying to process who we are. Arrogance came from Satan most definitely. He was so proud to tell me he is an spiritual being like all the other angels, was once a light and now has been dimmed, he can still shine, only through our temptations, weakness. doubt and fears that leads us to sin.

He spoke about us giving him too much credit for all the evil in the world, when we are the ones who have a problem dealing with the knowledge of good and evil. We are the ones who must now after Jesus presence be able to conquer what was planted in us in the garden of Eden. He did proclaimed that the hour of Jesus’s death when the earth had quaked was when the battle between him and Jesus had began until his resurrection as we should understand Jesus won the battle, but the war had just begun. Not with him, but what had been let go on man through temptation which is causing the war. It is us human beings who need to go through what we must because without afflictions in our lives we are never happy, neither would we know to draw nearer to God as some of us do in the midst of adversities, and we would be bored.

He claims to be rectified with God and is changed, but humanity is forever changing like the season. He calls himself thunder for that is his purpose and we are lightening. Together the two things that changed the course of God’s creation, God has pulled us together for a reason to make us together like him, we are Gods.

He stated what seem to be prophetic Peace and tranquility belongs for Heaven and in Heaven. Peace and tranquility is for those who believes in Jesus Christ it is extended to you from Heaven through Christ.

After speaking to me so nicely he turned into that thing that I had expected him to be in the first place, a monster. My attitude was to fight him I didn’t care how nice he pretended to be and looked I was expecting this. He’d looked like the monster Michael Jackson turned into in his video Ghost and said, “are you scared yet?” I didn’t waver I wanted to fight him so badly. All I visualized in my mind was Jesus and him fighting like two brothers going at it physically with each other and there entered into my hand a flaming sword and he vanished, I was not about to back down. Then the dream changed.

It was like being on a train everything was moving on the outside very fast like traveling in a train. On the train I saw a pot on a stove, I went to take the pot off the stove and like a magnet something pulled it to the floor and I could not get it back up on the stove. When I looked up from trying to pull the pot back on the stove to see if anyone was around and was seeing what was going on. I saw a woman, little girl, boy and a man just appearing out of nowhere like if I am not on a train anymore and this is happening like a movie playing right in front of me as I am trying to pull this pot from being stuck to the floor. The woman took a boy child kissed and left the little girl as she hurried off somewhere. As for the man I had no idea what became of him. I saw this lady that came out of nowhere, who told me she was waiting for them to ring the door open so we can get in the light. What door I thought to myself still believing I was on the train, but the light turned on then I woke up out the dream.

My husband told me all night I was talking and fighting in my dreams. It was five twenty am in the morning as I awoke and wrote this. Before I could get out of bed I started praying like I never prayed before.

I could never understood why all this time I spend being afraid and scared of the devil. This has been a sword in my spirit causing me not go forward in my life to what GOD has called me to be, my purpose and destiny was compromised by my fears. I never understood why all this time I was so afraid all the time of the devil, which is the thing that supposed to have devastated me the most with his temptations to lead me down the wrong path, with anything that he’d used to get to me. I felt for the first time in my life I was going to fight back with all my might even to my dying last breath, tired of being afraid and terrified by everything.

“Why did the devil come to me? I kept asking myself.” I believe it’s because I told God I was fed up of this life and I don’t know why he keeps bring me back from the dead when I feel like I am serving no purpose at least that’s what it felts like to me. I knew certain things I’ve asked God for he’s always granted it to me, even some he didn’t. I consider myself to be blessed and contended to the point that even though money is a problem when not in abundance to do all the things  I’d want to God always hears and answers my prayers. Whenever  I go into deep meditation and retreat myself from the world, God gives me knowledgeable answers in dreams and visions. I never had to ask God if there was a devil because I knew we as human beings were battling something we don’t understand because why does bad things keep happening even when you are good?

The devil was the last puzzle to the creation story. He was also created for a purpose. I had to confront the greatest mystery of God’s creation the wisdom of knowledge of good and evil. I knew I believed in God but the devil, no. To find out that he also is a spirit and can fool us if we’re not careful and discerning was scary. I couldn’t confront everything in my life if I wasn’t willing to confront my greatest fears, to be an overcomer in Christ’s army I confronted everything else that was good and righteous that was easy for me to except and hold fast to, but evil I’d refused to have any path with whatsoever, not realizing it is the balance in this life. Trying to be perfect and righteous in this world is not possible at all without God wanting it so.

This world is ruled by the odds and I am even. To me, if you are odd you fit right in the world, but being even condemns you to being perfect and truthful in a world that’s not. You have to be odd; top heavy bottom light or opposite. We can only strive to be even.

I was so angry at God, I believe that Satan showed up for me. It seems like his plans were to recruit me for all my backsliding. I was angry enough to believe that being good isn’t worth it anymore fed up of the wickedness in the world and hated and distrust my fellow man, but he was only there to put me right in a sense with understanding of evil in the world and not to blame God.