From fear, doubt, hopelessness, worry, all the way to depression, which led to anxiety and now medication not for me, but meditation for half an hour. Going to church, praying definitely has not been durable and no one is to blame even though I tried to for my peace. So I ask the question,”why me Lord, did I do something to deserve this?” Did I? I kept on repeatedly asking myself in my mind. So I thought to myself, “if I could really be responsible for my own demise then there must be something I can so about it, if it is not the will of God for my life.” I realize that I can’t control others and things around me, but I could control my reactions and emotions to the things and people that it can’t affect me in any way. I’ve tried ignoring it, out of sight means out of mind, I’ve tried confronting it, talking about it, and believing I could let it go and that it would some how miraculously go away…NOT!

I had a dream that I was ministering to people in the same predicament as myself and I was being taught by someone that was telling me exactly what to say, but the voice was in my head. Here is what I was told, “How can you say you want peace, when you refused to forgive, starting with yourself? How can you say you want peace and not recognize you are raging war; your own war? How can you say you want peace when you want vengeance, vengeance upon the ones that hurt you even to say I want them to hurt the way they hurt me? How can you say you want peace when you’ve already prepare yourself for war with anyone who would dare to hurt you again in your heart and mind? How can you say you want peace when you don’t even declare it into your life? How can you say you want peace when you’re anticipating war?  How can you say you want peace, but in your world you’re surrounded by war, the war that within and the war that is without? How can you say you want peace when you can’t let go of the pain that you endure?  Let peace be your dwelling place in your heart and mind not war. Declare, fight, demand, and meditate on your PEACE, peace of mind and peace in your heart.