If you have ever been in what I call the valley of despair (depression) metaphorically speaking you’d understand what it is I was going through. I’ve often referred to myself as a sensitive. A sensitive, by my definition, is some who is a nurturing, intuitive and deeply and easily affected by emotions derived by people or the environment, externally or mentally and is the kind of person that never will let anyone knows when they are hurting, or in need, because they like to care for others and believe that attention should never be directed toward them. I am touched when I  see people going out of their way to help the less fortunate or just to help someone in need. I am moved with compassion to help others and do right by them. It also breaks my heart to see people hurting one another, being selfish or inconsiderate. My conscious mind would not allow me to do wrong without wanting to make it right some how. It will affect me to the point that I will not sleep or eat, and it will constantly be nagging at me. I feel a deep obligation within my spirit to always want to do and say the right thing, especially when I’d think, ” what would Jesus do, and if it was me, what would I like?” And this sanctified way of being can cause a lot of turmoil in life, simply because of the ingratitude of some people and their evil ways, which can weigh  heavily on a person with a good heart and a conscious mind.

As a Christian, we all know that depression, or any kind of weaknesses, is not something we should ever consider to happen to us, because it would be like saying that we have no faith in the attributes of trusting in God. Long ago and even still today in some churches we are taught that as Christians, we are to be flawless, ever so perfect that we can’t do no wrong. What people fail to realize is that the more you draw closer to God, the more adversities comes after you. But God will never allow the enemy to conquer you as long as you are faithful and a warrior. Jesus was challenged in Matthew 4:1-11, when the devil tempted him to prove that he was the son of God.” Are we also being proven, to be the sons or the daughters of God, by the trials and tribulations of life?

In my dream, I was walking on a lonely road, crying and talking to God about my anguish regarding humanity: why is there so much envy, jealousy, fighting and pain amongst families, churches, communities and race etc. As I was crying, for some reason the clouds in the sky began to gather and it become cloudy and dark. All of a sudden, ”bang!” lightening strikes, and I felt like something  hit me in the back of my head and I fell flat on my face to the ground. When I tried to get up, I noticed right next to me was the Bible lying on the ground and I heard, ” the answers are in the Bible”. The Bible is the biography of humanity and the relationship with God and the constant battle, and struggles for humanity to remain in God’s righteous purpose. As I got up, I picked up the Bible and when I held the Bible in my hand, it was like my spirit absorbed everyone in the Bible who has ever felt what I was feeling towards humanity, from Genesis to Revelation. As I  continued to walk, the sky became clear. I noticed my surrounding, I was in some sort of a valley. I could see the rivers, lakes, trees, flowers and mountains. The beauty of the place reminded me of what I believe the garden of Eden in the Bible would looked like. There was a peace and tranquility, with the bird tweeting, and the butterflies flying around.

I continued walking and talking to God about humanity and what it would take for us to change our ways, to understand his true purpose for us and when all wickedness and evil would end. I heard what sounded like the breaking of dry wood, some sort of crackling, and as I looked up to where I heard the sound coming from, It seemed like it was coming out of the sky, but it was from a tall tree, that a rod fell to the ground in front of me, it look exactly like the rod Moses had in his hand in the movie The Ten commandments. I was very much afraid when I heard a voice said,”this is the Rod of discipline (training, correction, obedience) it is yours walk with it, and the Bible is to navigate into the mind, body and soul of all humanity there is nothing new under the Sun.” Right away I felt I knew those words, ”nothing new under the sun,” had to do with mankind behaviour over centuries, even to me being and feeling the way I do. I continued to walk with the Bible in my right hand and my Rod of discipline in my left. Suddenly I came upon what looked like a hill in the middle of the path I was walking on and there were these people moving about and I couldn’t understand where they came from or why they were all gathered together there. When I got closer, I saw a lion standing on the hill and fearfulness came over me. And it was as though the lion knew my fear, it looked right at me and started running straight for me. I was so afraid I froze; I couldn’t move and the lion jumped right into me. When I say he jumped into me I mean physically into my body and disappeared and all of a sudden I heard a great big roar (the roaring of the lion is the voice of God) of the lion it was coming from my mouth. I woke up, ever so petrified, out of the dream.

God’s interpretation to me was by my works in faith, and through faith. I never been to ministry school, nor have I studied theology but I could preach a good service without having to prepare for it, and I am very good at prophesizing and healing others, I just knew how and what to do. I had another dream where God showed me how to carry the world upon my shoulder without it getting to heavy and burdensome. I never knew that there was a Greek mythology about a Titan named Atlas that was cursed to carry the world on his shoulders for battling with Zeus the king the God’s but after I came across a  fish aquarium that had a man with the earth on his shoulders almost the same way God showed me how to carry the world upon my shoulder. I was so surprised by this revelation because it reminded me of my promise from God. The dream meant that I have a calling to be or I am a Pastor. I was given the wisdom, knowledge and understanding by God to heal myself through healing other. These are dreams I was told by elders (older people in ministry I consider family and I trust) to keep to myself and when I was told that, it didn’t seem that it was something good or to be proud of. It seemed more like something to fear or be ashamed of, that’s how they made me feel about it. For someone like me a sensitive, as I defined earlier, my emotions always run deep. I was and still is in some ways afraid to speak about them, I have this great fear about allowing people to come into my secret place, fear of humanity, I experienced and seen all manner of evil we as human beings are capable of doing to one another.

Today, the reason for me to not feel afraid is that I sit and watch the television and internet with all kinds of people giving revelation to everything that I’ve known, that has been prophesized to me over twenty years now, which thank God I do have witnesses, even some video tapes by certain people as the only evidence that may exist. People will hear what I have to say now, hopefully all over the world, and probably will think or believe I am copying or repeating what someone has already, is doing, done or saying.. The truth is, I should be what the terminology is today a “hater”, someone who hates on someone else, because they had the tenacity to do what they procrastinated or just didn’t get around to doing. But instead it gives me great pleasure, in knowing that everything I’ve ever dreamt, envisioned and prophesized, it all wasn’t crazy or imaginative. Now I have a keen sense for truth, I could discern who is truly one of God’s chosen, especially because I would feel like I am one of them and one with them. It is a funny thing to me, everyone that I believe to be God’s chosen, they all do come together.