If you have ever been in what I call the valley of despair (depression) metaphorically speaking you’d understand what it is I was going through. I’ve often referred to myself as a sensitive. A sensitive, by my definition, is some who is a nurturing, intuitive and deeply and easily affected by emotions derived by people or the environment, externally or mentally and is the kind of person that never will let anyone knows when they are hurting, or in need, because they like to care for others and believe that attention should never be directed toward them. I am touched when I  see people going out of their way to help the less fortunate or just to help someone in need. I am moved with compassion to help others and do right by them. It also breaks my heart to see people hurting one another, being selfish or inconsiderate. My conscious mind would not allow me to do wrong without wanting to make it right some how. It will affect me to the point that I will not sleep or eat, and it will constantly be nagging at me. I feel a deep obligation within my spirit to always want to do and say the right thing, especially when I’d think, ” what would Jesus do, and if it was me, what would I like?” And this sanctified way of being can cause a lot of turmoil in life, simply because of the ingratitude of some people and their evil ways, which can weigh  heavily on a person with a good heart and a conscious mind.

As a Christian, we all know that depression, or any kind of weaknesses, is not something we should ever consider to happen to us, because it would be like saying that we have no faith in the attributes of trusting in God. Long ago and even still today in some churches we are taught that as Christians, we are to be flawless, ever so perfect that we can’t do no wrong. What people fail to realize is that the more you draw closer to God, the more adversities comes after you. But God will never allow the enemy to conquer you as long as you are faithful and a warrior. Jesus was challenged in Matthew 4:1-11, when the devil tempted him to prove that he was the son of God.” Are we also being proven, to be the sons or the daughters of God, by the trials and tribulations of life?

In my dream, I was walking on a lonely road, crying and talking to God about my anguish regarding humanity: why is there so much envy, jealousy, fighting and pain amongst families, churches, communities and race etc. As I was crying, for some reason the clouds in the sky began to gather and it become cloudy and dark. All of a sudden, ”bang!” lightening strikes, and I felt like something  hit me in the back of my head and I fell flat on my face to the ground. When I tried to get up, I noticed right next to me was the Bible lying on the ground and I heard, ” the answers are in the Bible”. The Bible is the biography of humanity and the relationship with God and the constant battle, and struggles for humanity to remain in God’s righteous purpose. As I got up, I picked up the Bible and when I held the Bible in my hand, it was like my spirit absorbed everyone in the Bible who has ever felt what I was feeling towards humanity, from Genesis to Revelation. As I  continued to walk, the sky became clear. I noticed my surrounding, I was in some sort of a valley. I could see the rivers, lakes, trees, flowers and mountains. The beauty of the place reminded me of what I believe the garden of Eden in the Bible would looked like. There was a peace and tranquility, with the bird tweeting, and the butterflies flying around.

I continued walking and talking to God about humanity and what it would take for us to change our ways, to understand his true purpose for us and when all wickedness and evil would end. I heard what sounded like the breaking of dry wood, some sort of crackling, and as I looked up to where I heard the sound coming from, It seemed like it was coming out of the sky, but it was from a tall tree, that a rod fell to the ground in front of me, it look exactly like the rod Moses had in his hand in the movie The Ten commandments. I was very much afraid when I heard a voice said,”this is the Rod of discipline (training, correction, obedience) it is yours walk with it, and the Bible is to navigate into the mind, body and soul of all humanity there is nothing new under the Sun.” Right away I felt I knew those words, ”nothing new under the sun,” had to do with mankind behaviour over centuries, even to me being and feeling the way I do. I continued to walk with the Bible in my right hand and my Rod of discipline in my left. Suddenly I came upon what looked like a hill in the middle of the path I was walking on and there were these people moving about and I couldn’t understand where they came from or why they were all gathered together there. When I got closer, I saw a lion standing on the hill and fearfulness came over me. And it was as though the lion knew my fear, it looked right at me and started running straight for me. I was so afraid I froze; I couldn’t move and the lion jumped right into me. When I say he jumped into me I mean physically into my body and disappeared and all of a sudden I heard a great big roar (the roaring of the lion is the voice of God) of the lion it was coming from my mouth. I woke up, ever so petrified, out of the dream.

God’s interpretation to me was by my works in faith, and through faith. I never been to ministry school, nor have I studied theology but I could preach a good service without having to prepare for it, and I am very good at prophesizing and healing others, I just knew how and what to do. I had another dream where God showed me how to carry the world upon my shoulder without it getting to heavy and burdensome. I never knew that there was a Greek mythology about a Titan named Atlas that was cursed to carry the world on his shoulders for battling with Zeus the king the God’s but after I came across a  fish aquarium that had a man with the earth on his shoulders almost the same way God showed me how to carry the world upon my shoulder. I was so surprised by this revelation because it reminded me of my promise from God. The dream meant that I have a calling to be or I am a Pastor. I was given the wisdom, knowledge and understanding by God to heal myself through healing other. These are dreams I was told by elders (older people in ministry I consider family and I trust) to keep to myself and when I was told that, it didn’t seem that it was something good or to be proud of. It seemed more like something to fear or be ashamed of, that’s how they made me feel about it. For someone like me a sensitive, as I defined earlier, my emotions always run deep. I was and still is in some ways afraid to speak about them, I have this great fear about allowing people to come into my secret place, fear of humanity, I experienced and seen all manner of evil we as human beings are capable of doing to one another.

Today, the reason for me to not feel afraid is that I sit and watch the television and internet with all kinds of people giving revelation to everything that I’ve known, that has been prophesized to me over twenty years now, which thank God I do have witnesses, even some video tapes by certain people as the only evidence that may exist. People will hear what I have to say now, hopefully all over the world, and probably will think or believe I am copying or repeating what someone has already, is doing, done or saying.. The truth is, I should be what the terminology is today a “hater”, someone who hates on someone else, because they had the tenacity to do what they procrastinated or just didn’t get around to doing. But instead it gives me great pleasure, in knowing that everything I’ve ever dreamt, envisioned and prophesized, it all wasn’t crazy or imaginative. Now I have a keen sense for truth, I could discern who is truly one of God’s chosen, especially because I would feel like I am one of them and one with them. It is a funny thing to me, everyone that I believe to be God’s chosen, they all do come together.

” Did you ever have a dream that came true? ” It is called a prophetic dream. Genesis 37:1-10 Joseph in the Bible is one of the first prophetic dreamer. If you have ever experience such dreams then you’d understand what I am speaking about. I have had many of those kind of dreams in my lifetime and I would like to share a few.

I had a dream that I was greeted by a young African child, no more than nine years old in front of a big wooden door. ”Hurry, hurry” he said, “he’s been waiting for you,” as he held onto my hand all excited. He knocked on the gate and it opened all by itself. A gentleman, he didn’t look black or white, his skin was tanned, dressed in a gleaming white gown with a wooden rod in his hand, with long black curly hair, some facial hair and piercing eyes. All I could remember is trying not to look into his eyes. It felt so strange, like he had the ability to draw you in with his eyes, like someone who can hypnotise you. He said, ”sit, let us eat,” we sat alongside a river where he had a fire burning, no dishes or chairs; we sat on the ground. This is all taking place outside in what looks like some kind of a forest, valley or some kind of garden place. He then handed me a brown bowl that looked like a plant, and in it was rice and fish. It was hot to the touch meaning it was just prepared. He said, ”I was waiting for you,” I just couldn’t speak, and he smiled, as though he was reading my mind and knew what I was thinking, and what I was thinking was, ” who is he?” I sat down to eat waiting for a spoon only to realize he began to eating with his fingers as though to show me there’s no spoon; no need for a spoon. I believe once again he was reading my mind. The strangest thing is, as I began eating the food I felt like I knew him and I loved him very much and I couldn’t help but stare at him. I felt like I should not have done that as, remember, there’s something about his eyes. Next thing I knew it was night time, and I felt like I was giving birth, my stomach started to hurt me like I was having contractions and I was surrounded by these tribal woman telling me to push and as I started to push with all my might the scenery changed. I went on this marvelous  journey to the four corners of the earth: east, west, north and south.

I want to state that some of these places and people I had never known existed until I researched them after my dream; thanks to internet and how easy it is to access information. I believe that my dream was some sort of rooted connection to my spirituality and where it all originated and for me to understand why and who I am, for me not to be judgemental to others, regardless of their religion, race, and culture. I had never heard of Zulu tribe, Vishnu, Chief Eagle feather, Hawk peek mountain, Chief papa of the Bantu tribe, or Buddha. I travelled to Asia, Africa, Greece, Egypt, Jerusalem, Atlantis, Bermuda triangle, Japan, and Palestinian. I was taken to the highest mountain to the lowest valley and to the deepest ocean, even into the cosmos.

These places that I’d traveled to, I felt like  I’d lived there, I was one of them, the people. I understood their languages, cultures and their faith practices, and essentially everything about them. I felt like I was someone of importance, because I had gotten to sit among royalties and head of states. One thing they all had in common where I was concerned, was that every time I traveled to a new place I was always greeted by people who said that they were waiting for me, like they knew I was on my way before even I did.

This experience took me back to the past and into the future with amazing wisdom, knowledge and understanding. I learned from the people many things such as healing, to fly [my spirit can leave my body and ascend], marshal arts, even Japanese sword fighting, all of their ritualistic dances and celebrations, to hunt, to be a warrior; a general, the discipline of mind, body and spirit, even astronomy, the angels, God, and the devil [evil forces], and how to overcome and defeat it, music, singing in the supernatural, and writing, ministering, discerning, prophesying  and death and its meaning. They thought me so much, but the most important thing that I’ve learned from them is that religion[faith practices] by everyone was and is based on people intuition of who and what God is. Even though Jesus came and taught us and showed us there are many that have yet to reach that level, including some of those who call upon His name. The knowledge of knowing the existence of God is in all things is so important l. How this is manifested is the key to understanding the wisdom in many practices of the world faiths [religion].

The answer to the question of who the gentlemen was that gave me the fish and rice is as He said, ”I am that I am, who do they say that I am?” Now that lesson has been taught, how well learnt are we, humanity?

This situation with my eyes, led me to take a another look at the story of Saul on his way to Damascus in Acts 9:1-18. “For the light of God is so great it penetrated not just Saul’s sight, but his spirit.” I’ve asked myself, was it really the light alone that affected Saul’s sight? Or is the light of truth that man can’t bear? It is said that “no man can see God and live.” The power is just too consuming to the soul, and here is a great example of that. This man Saul was a murderer of innocent Christian, and what changed him was an encounter with Jesus and the lost of his vision.

I’ve asked myself this question after analyzing the scripture on Saul on the way to Damascus: Is God making a change within my spirit? Is all this happening for God’s purpose?’ I truly believe that this was not an attack from the enemy. It all made sense to me after coming from MegaFest 2015 in Dallas, Texas. The last day I spent there was in hopes of going to the Potter’s House for Sunday service and instead service was at the AA center and Bishop was ill. I was ever so disappointed, but service was still fantastic. Something held me back from leaving right away after service and as it turns out, one of my favorites, an influential spiritual teacher whom I love and adore, was there: Dr. Cynthia James. All I could hear was my sister saying,” look, your favorite lady is here.” I approached her simply to greet and thank her for Wednesday night bible studies and babbled on about how much I adore her, and she stopped me as I was praising her and said,” I don’t want to hear all that, what do you want me to pray with you for?” I was taken aback because I didn’t go to her for that. I was shocked when those words came out her mouth. God knows I don’t even put in a prayer request in private to anyone to pray for me. In fact, I am always the one praying for others, so this was like a Divine intervention for me. I couldn’t speak, I didn’t know what to say, I felt my mouth moving, but no words were coming out of it. I remember thinking or even might have said it, “I don’t know, I am so tired of being afraid” and the tears started to run down my face. She placed her hand on my stomach and all I could remember was her saying is, ” out of your belly.” The whole place went silent and I was in a dark place, but she was with me, she was like a light pulling me out and I could of heard myself praying with a loud voice. The louder I prayed, the light started to shine where we were and I felt like I was ministering with a loud and powerful voice on a the highest mountain with the sun shining ever so brightly. And she was gone. It was only then when I came to, that I could hear myself repeating the words “loose” several times while shaking myself off. My husband and my sister were gone and there were these women surrounding me. I had no clue who they were, so I looked around to find my husband and sister and noticed Doctor Cynthia James was also being surrounded and had been separated from me by some women in the back of me. I felt like I was in a dream. When I’d realized what had just happened, I told the women that surrounded me who turned out to also be Pastors, “Thank you”. When I tried to approached Dr. James to say thank you to her, one of the ministers said to me, ”she’s done with you now,” and I said,” I know, all I want is to tell her thanks.” Dr. James was heavily still in the spirit I had notice and understood, and the minister held my hand and said, ”I’ll tell her for you.” I then found my sister and husband, and my husband had taken pictures of myself and Dr. James. I was so happy. I didn’t expect that; it is not as though we had posed for them. I should had thought about asking her to take a picture with me instead of talking lol.

It was an experience that touched my life in more ways than ever; my mind, body, and spirit. Psalm 130 “Out of the depths have I cried unto thee, O Lord…” So filled with fears, fears because of what the eyes can see; the wickedness and evil that man are capable of doing. Matthew 6:22 “The light of the body is the eye, if the eye is healthy your whole body will be full of light, but if your eyes are not good you will be in darkness.” I believe the reason it is said, ” that the eyes are the window to the soul,” is because of all the senses (to taste, touch, hear, emotions, and to see), God has given man eyes as the confirmation if it all. How would we then be able to enjoy all of creation and its beauty without being able to see it? Everybody wants to be in the light and no one wants to be blind; we want to be able to see, especially as Christians. If we could understand our spirit is the real consciousness of our being. The body is just the evidence of being human. The eyes speaks they talk about your mind, heart and your body when you are sick, that’s why even if you are blind the eyes still cry, because the tears is the washing, purging, renewing and communicating of our spirit to our God all at the same time.

It’s been a while now that my eyes have not been better and it is very hard for me to watch the computer screen as the lighting hurts my eyes and gives me migraine headaches. I was diagnosed with Uveitis a bad infection of the eyes, that should have gotten better after taking some medication but instead it turned out to be a virus that is highly contagious and I just have to let nature take its course for it to get better with help from medications. I could hardly see, my vision has gotten so bad that after this I would need new glasses. I never thought it could have gotten so bad that it hurts to cry. The pain is so severe; because it is a virus, my ear, glands, my eyeballs themselves hurt even to move it around or to bend my head to pick up something. It is like everything I took for granted with my eyes infected is affected. I had looked so ugly with swollen eyes I refuse to go out in public and because I am so contagious, hand sanitizer and Lysol disinfecting wipes are my new best friends even at home and after everything I’ve touched. This is just a mystery to why this happen, I’ve never even worn contact lens in my life that I could blame it on. I’ve had allergies before took allergy medication and all symptoms stopped. I have a great doctor. He has been seeing me on a regular basis and is just a phone call away; if I am concerned about anything to go see him.

I’d gone to the emergency the first time I got up and my eyes were extremely bloodshot and stuck together that icouldn’t open it. My sister accompanied me to the hospital because I couldn’t see and thankfully it was her day off. I dislike going to the hospitals, because I believe you have to dying before the doctors would take you seriously, especially if you are not rich or famous and medicare is free, not all doctors, but some. So I prayed to God that they at the hospital would treat me not just as rich and famous, but His child, a child of the heavenly father with honour and respect that they would give to an earthly king’s child, that’s right, roll out the red carpet and send out the best of the best doctors to represent. I’ve asked and I received. I got the best doctor; he did every test on my eyes and gave me medication and said,” if it gets worst come back immediately.” I went back and was sent to specialist, who’s been seeing me ever since and he’s been fantastic as well.” God is good,” and my healing is coming along in more ways than ever; mind, body and spirit, this is why I am now able to start my blog again. Writing my blog has been a struggle for me from the beginning and I believe this to have been another obstacle in my path,” or was it at all?”

Psalm 119:71- It is good for me that I have been afflicted; that I might learn thy statutes.” He put me in darkness so I could see light through Him.” I am not talking about light that is shinning, it is a metaphor for the awareness of His presence within me to have His wisdom, knowledge and understanding of what is going on within and surrounding me.